Airplane II: The Sequel Page #14

OVEUR:

(gasping)

Pills...

(points to his mouth)

Pocket...

(points to his pocket)

Vent...

(points to vent)

Gas... Yankees... four...

(points to RADIO that plays

BALLGAME)

Sox... zip...

Simon rips open his coat, grabs pills and takes them himself

letting Oveur drop. Simon looks down at the navigational

screen -- it resembles an old amusement parlor roadrace

game.

SIMON:

(to self)

We're off course, heading right through

that asteroid field and right at the... at

the sun!

The ship takes another violent shot.

INT. CABIN

The passengers are screaming.

ANGLE ON FATHER O'FLANAGAN

He stands in the aisle.

O'FLANAGAN

Listen to me! Listen to me, my children!

They listen.

O'FLANAGAN

Please listen. Thank you, my children.

I'm a man of God, you must trust me when I

say... we're all going to die!!

The passengers go totally insane.

INT. MISSION CONTROL ROOM

A number of Controllers group around a console.

O'BRIAN

You're right. They're off course and

heading right for the sun. I've seen

enough, Bob.

Controller 2 hits a switch and the console screen flips to

baseball game.

O'BRIAN

Get me Jack McCrosky and fast!

CONTROLLER 3

McCrosky? He hasn't handled a tower in

twenty years.

CONTROLLER 4

Ever since Reagan fired the controllers,

he's been completely senile and hasn't

done a day's work.

O'BRIAN

What about McCrosky?

CONTROLLER 3

Pretty much the same as Reagan.

O'BRIAN

Get him.

INT. RETIREMENT HOME

Two Nurses stand by a phone in a dormitory of beds. Many

old men sleep or eat in bed.

NURSE:

It's for Mr. McCrosky.

NURSE 2

Do you think we should bother him? He's

been acting a bit odd lately.

They look to McCrosky (Lloyd Bridges).

ANGLE ON McCROSKY

He is in bed in scuba gear.

ANGLE ON NURSES:

NURSE 1

He's fine. He just thinks he's Lloyd

Bridges.

Nurse 1 takes the phone to McCrosky. He is a lot older than

in "Airplane."

NURSE 1

The phone's for you, Mr. McCrosky.

McCROSKY

What's a phone?

NURSE 1

(holding it to his ear)

Here, let me help you. I think it's the

space centre. Now, let's not get too

excited.

McCROSKY

What?

(pause)

What?

(pulls off his scuba mask and

snorkle)

What?

(gets more alert and grabs a

cigarette)

I'll be right down!

(he hangs up and jumps out of

bed)

Looks like I picked the wrong time to go

senile.

INT. COCKPIT

Simon is taking another slug of booze; Elaine enters.

ELAINE:

Simon!

(she spots Oveur slumped on the

panel)

Captain Oveur!

Elaine pulls him up.

OVEUR:

(still gasping)

Mets... nine... Phils... three... Cubs...

four...

Elaine drops him and turns to Simon.

ELAINE:

Simon, what's happening?!

SIMON:

He tried to disconnect ROK. It gassed

him. That computer is running this ship

and we're heading right for the sun.

ELAINE:

Can't we change course?

SIMON:

We're computer locked and the manual

navigation unit is down.

Elaine looks at the floor.

ELAINE:

Then Ted was right!

ZOOM TO:

CLOSEUP OF ELAINE

for her realization.

BACK TO SCENE:

SIMON:

My career is shot.

ELAINE:

Your career! What about the lives of

those people out there. Simon, what

happened to the man I thought I loved?

She goes to the door.

ELAINE:

I've got to get Ted. Just don't come

apart on me now, Simon.

She leaves. Simon's uniform starts bursting at the seams,

buttons pop off.

INT. CABIN

The Terrorists stop Elaine. There's pandemonium in the

cabin.

TERRORIST 1

This is flight to Miami, yes?

ELAINE:

No.

Elaine addresses the PASSENGERS.

ELAINE:

(to passengers)

Please, ladies and gentlemen, please calm

down. Listen to me!

They calm down.

ELAINE:

We've been thrown off course just a tad.

PASSENGER:

What's that mean?

ELAINE:

In space terms, about 70 million miles.

The Passengers appear interested and sensible, nod their

heads.

ELAINE:

The bumps you feel are car-sized asteroids

smashing into the hull.

The hood of a car smashes through the cabin wall. The

Passengers still appear interested and sensible.

ELAINE:

Also, we're heading right for the sun and

can't seem to change course.

Passengers still appear interested and sensible. They all

put on sunglasses.

PASSENGER:

Are you telling us everything?

ELAINE:

Not exactly. We're also out of coffee.

The Passengers errupt in total panic.

ANGLE ON RED FLASHING "DON'T PANIC" SIGN

It sparks, smokes, overheats and EXPLODES.

ANGLE ON RED FLASHING "OKAY, PANIC" SIGN

The passengers go insane.

ANGLE ON FATHER O'FLANAGAN AND MRS. GOOCH

O'FLANAGAN

Pray with me, my children. Pray.

MRS. GOOCH

But Father, I'm not Catholic.

O'FLANAGAN

Then worship the god of your choice.

Mrs. Gooch pulls out a fertility idol with a huge, erect

penis.

ANGLE ON BOB AND MARY-JANE SMITH

BOB:

I've always loved you, darling. I was

unfaithful just once. Remember Jill, my

first secretary? Forgive me.

MARY-JANE

I knew all about it. I was unfaithful

once, too.

BOB:

That's all behind us now.

MARY-JANE

Remember Harriet, your first receptionist?

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