Airplane II: The Sequel Page #6

TED:

Elaine, what happened to us?

ELAINE:

Ted, I loved you and I'll always love you.

But I need Simon. He's stable. He's a

good provider. I want that at this stage

of the game, Ted. He might have his

faults, but Simon doesn't know the meaning

of the word fear and I need that in a man.

INT. DRUGSTORE

The Druggist hands Simon a huge bottle of pills. The label

reads, "ANTI-FEAR PILLS."

SIMON:

(looking at the label, "ANTI-

FEAR PILLS")

What does this word mean?

DRUGGIST:

(looking at label)

'Fear,' to be afraid or over-anxious.

Simon swallows a handful of pills, braces himself and walks

out right through the plate glass window without feeling a

thing.

INT. TERMINAL

Ted is still following Elaine.

TED:

Elaine, someone has to listen to me. I'm

going right to mission control.

A kid bops by with a huge (5'x3'x2') oak cabinet, TV/stero

console perched on his shoulder.

MUSIC:
DISCO.

ELAINE:

Ted, you should go right back to the

hospital.

Elaine leaves and Ted has another FLASHBACK.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL

PAN by dorm window. We see a sign on grounds outside --

"THE RONALD REAGAN INSTITUTE OF SUPPLY-SIDE ECONOMICS AND

HOSPITAL FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE." PAN patient in bed,

accountant at desk, patient in bed, accountant at desk, Ted

in bed. Ted has electrodes attached to his head. A NURSE

with "I (heart) NORMAL" on the back of her uniform, hands

Ted some pills. He is about to pop them when she stops him.

NURSE:

That's $38.

Ted hands her bills.

LOOSEN to find Elaine on other side of bed. She turns off

the radio and opens a box of spaghetti-to-go.

ELAINE:

Eat this spaghetti, Ted. It'll make you

feel a lot better.

SFX:
GROANING O.S.

ELAINE:

Who's that, Ted?

TED:

Sammy Davis Junior. Terrible car

accident. He hasn't been the same since.

ANGLE ON SAMMY DAVIS

A white patient in lots of gold chains. A Nurse stands over

him and pulls a long oil dip-stick from his mouth, checks

it, wipes it off and replaces it.

RETURN TO SCENE:

TED:

Elaine, when are you going to realize

Simon Kurtz put me in here to get me out

of the way.

ELAINE:

And when are you going to realize, Ted,

that your mental hygiene is the most

important thing right now.

VOICE (O.S.)

(ranting)

It works... No, it doesn't... Yes, it

does.

ELAINE:

What's his problem?

ANGLE:

On BEARDED MAN in rags chained to wall.

MAN:

It does work... No, it doesn't.

ANGLE:

On Ted and Elaine.

TED:

His name's David Stockman. He's been here

twenty years, that's all he says.

ELAINE:

Ted, you must remember what the doctor

said, the first step on the road to sanity

is admitting that you're sick. Now take

your electro-shock and you'll be back at

the space center in no time. And by the

way, Ted, I'm leaving you for Simon.

Ted gags on his spaghetti.

ELAINE:

I just can't go on living with a man who

refuses to deal with reality, Ted. I have

to go now. Believe me, it's best for all

concerned.

Elaine leans over to kiss Ted. He turns away.

TED:

No goodbyes, Elaine. Just go.

ELAINE:

If that's the way you want it.

TED:

That's the way I want it. Just turn the

radio on and go.

ELAINE:

Goodbye, Ted. I don't want to hurt you.

Elaine flips a switch by the bed thinking it's the radio.

It's the "ELECTRO-SHOCK." Ted goes into convulsions as she

leaves.

DISSOLVE BACK TO:

TED AT TERMINAL:

He rubs his temples.

INT. TERMINAL - OUTSIDE BOOKSTORE

Frank Morgan kisses JANE DENNIS, his mistress. In b.g. is a

bookstore window with a display of yellow covered books with

plain black titles and a sign advertising, "NO-NAME BOOKS."

Visible titles include: "DEEP BOOK," "FASCINATING BOOK,"

"THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JOHN DOE." A man next to the window

reads a newspaper with headline, "SENSELESS MURDER UP 99%

AND RISING!"

FRANK:

Carol's not going to give me a divorce

that easily, Jane.

JANE:

I'm worried about her, Frank. She could

do something senseless, something violent.

FRANK:

You're the one who's not making sense,

Jane. Carol's not the violent...

Frank sees CAROL.

FRANK:

Carol!

Carol whips out a gun.

FRANK:

No! This is senseless!

CAROL:

FIRES. Jane faints. Other women nearby faint. Two

S.W.A.T. cops faint. Carol bolts. The newspaper, b.g.,

clicks over from 99% to 120%.

INT. TERMINAL - ANOTHER AREA

Ted pushes through crowd and passes a spherical booth with

sign that reads, "ORGASMIC EXPERIENCES, 25¢." MRS. GOOCH,

an elderly woman, stops Ted next to the booth door.

MRS. GOOCH

Young man, would you have change for a

twenty?

TED:

(going for his wallet)

I might have two tens.

MRS. GOOCH

Thank you anyway, but I wanted it in

quarters.

Ted keeps moving past a police line which has gone up around

Frank Morgan's body. We HOLD on the murder scene. A

DETECTIVE kneels beside the body which now has a chalk mark

around it.

SERGEANT:

(lookind down at Detective)

When is this senseless killing going to

stop?

DETECTIVE HALLICK

Senseless or not, Sergeant, there's a

pattern here. This is the 12th victim

this week with a chalk mark around the

body. I want this whole area cordoned

off! I want everyone in this terminal

booked and beaten until they talk. I want

an M.O. on everyone who has seen THE SOUND

OF MUSIC and I want the entire population

of Hawaii off that rock and into the water

within one hour.

Hallick stands up and finds the area surrounded by 30

accordian players playing "Lady of Spain."

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