Airplane II: The Sequel Page #7

DETECTIVE HALLICK

Sergeant. I said cordon off, not

accordian off! Now dust this area for

prints.

One cop pulls out a duster and dusts the wall. Other cops

follow after him hanging prints by Picasso, Lautrec, etc.

DETECTIVE HALLICK

And run a check on their plates.

A cop looks at people's upper false teeth plates.

DETECTIVE HALLICK

(TO CAMERA)

When will this senseless killing end?

A POLICE PHOTOGRAPHER straddles the body and shoots it

"BLOW-UP" style.

PHOTOGRAPHER:

Super! Great! Super! Terrific! Super!

INT. MISSION CONTROL - EXECUTIVE OFFICE

KRUGER:

That's right, Commissioner. Senselessly

murdered just minutes ago.

COMMISSIONER:

That just doesn't make any sense.

KRUGER:

I wonder how your boys in Washington are

going to take this one.

COMMISSIONER:

I told you, leave the boys in Washington

to the boys downtown and the boys down...

KRUGER:

You've made your point, Commissioner.

There's only one other pilot who can

handle that shuttle and that's Clarence

Oveur. He's got a lunar flight today. I

want him pulled.

(to Jacobs)

Jacobs, pull Oveur!

JACOBS:

Not in your size, but I have a cardigan.

He runs out.

COMMISSIONER:

I'll trust you on this, Bud, but I'm a

little nervous about Oveur's record.

The Commissioner throws an album on Kruger's desk. On the

cover is a photo of Oveur with an accordian. The title

reads, "CLARENCE OVEUR'S 400 POLKA FAVORITES."

MUSIC:
DRAMATIC ACCORDIAN STING.

INT. TERMINAL

CAPTAIN OVEUR buys flight insurance from a machine. Simon

approaches.

SIMON:

Captain Oveur?

OVEUR:

Mr. Kurtz, I presume.

SIMON:

We don't have much time. Let's move.

I'll explain everything.

They walk away past the Transcendental Air counter. Two

HARI KRISHNA AGENTS smile at customers.

HAIR KRISHNA:

Chanting or non-chanting?

INT. MISSION CONTROL ROOM

PAN along Controllers at their monitors. Monitors show the

shuttle on gantry.

CONTROLLER 1

This is Mercury launch control at "T"

minus fifty-eight minutes and counting.

All systems are go. Clear launch area.

ANGLE ON NASA WORKERS AT LUNCH TABLE

They rise and start clearing their dishes.

CONTROLLER 1 (V.O.)

(on P.A.)

I said 'launch' not 'lunch'!

The workers sit down.

INT. TERMINAL

Oveur and Simon hurry along.

SIMON:

That's how dry cleaning works. Now I'd

like to quickly go over the digestive

system of amphibians.

OVEUR:

Do you think it's necessary to explain

everything?

Simon spots Ted getting directions from a security guard.

SIMON:

I'll meet you on board. There's something

I have to take care of first.

INT. MISSION CONTROL HEAD OFFICE - RECEPTION

Ted rushes in and up to the RECEPTIONIST.

TED:

I have to see Bud Kruger.

RECEPTIONIST:

Do you have an appointment, sir?

TED:

No, dammit. It's a matter of life or

death.

RECEPTIONIST:

You'll have to be more specific than that,

sir.

TED:

All right, it's a matter of death.

RECEPTIONIST:

(checking her book)

Death, death. How about the first

Thursday in March, ten o'clock.

Ted bolts by her and grabs a door knob on the wall.

RECEPTIONIST:

You can't go in there!

TED:

Don't try to stop me!

RECEPTIONIST:

But that's not a door. The door's over

there.

She doesn't indiciate direction.

ZOOM to CLOSEUP of Ted.

TED:

That's strange. I just came from...

Suddenly, Ted falls unconscious into the arms of two guards.

LOOSEN to find the Doctor holding a needle in his arm and

Simon next to the Doctor.

ANGLE:

On Ted's feet. His heels make lines in dirt as he is

dragged from the office.

INT. MISSION CONTROL ROOM

PAN Controllers at their monitors.

CONTROLLER 1 (V.O.)

(on P.A.)

This is Mercury control at "T" minus fifty

minutes and counting. Commence loading of

passengers requiring special boarding

assistance.

EXT. TERMINAL - LOADING AREA

Ground crew lift passengers who are stacked on a luggage

tram and heave them onto a conveyor belt leading up to the

ship.

INT. TERMINAL

JOE SALUCCI (imagine Van Heflin) bids his WIFE (imagine

Cher) goodbye. Joe is very nervous, sweating a lot. His

Wife hands him a few crumpled bills.

WIFE:

Take this, Joey. It's my last few bucks.

You'll need a hot meal when you get there.

JOE:

We've spent everything on these

operations. Is it really worth it? We've

pawned your mother's wedding ring. The

kids have no winter clothes...

WIFE:

(holding a finger to his lips)

Joey, what's more important, the kids'

clothes or your sexual potency.

JOE:

(anxiously looking around)

I don't want to hear that word!

WIFE:

Okay, Joey. The Doc says you gotta relax.

This hospital in Des Moines is the best

sex clinic in the country.

JOE:

All right.

(hands her an envelope)

Here.

WIFE:

What...?

JOEY:

Insurance. Everyone buys it.

MUSIC:
DRAMATIC STING.

WIFE:

All right. Goodbye, Babe.

She kisses him. He recoils, wipes off his mouth, and

leaves. She looks at the envelope, then yells at him

through the crowd.

WIFE:

Joey! Remember, sexual impotence is

nothing to be ashamed of!

The entire terminal looks at him.

INT. TERMINAL STORAGE ROOM

Ted is tied to a chair surrounded by packing crates -- one

is stamped "JIMMY HOFFA, THIS END UP" with the arrow

pointing to the ground. Ted struggles to free his hands.

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