Airplane II: The Sequel Page #9

CONTROLLER 1

That's heavy.

INT. SHIP DOOR

Flight attendant, MARY MORRIS, welcomes passengers aboard.

MARY:

(to Stella and father)

Welcome aboard. Isn't that Dr.

Barrington, the world renowned agronomist?

STELLA:

Yes -- he's dying and wants to be buried

in the new l-a-n-d.

MARY:

(to Joe Salucci)

Welcome aboard. Can I take your case?

JOE:

(clutching case)

No!

Mary gives him a look as he passes inside. The OKIES move

by. HENRY stops at door, bends down, picks up an ear of

corn and pulls it apart.

HENRY:

There's a whole new world in front of us,

Ma. Where the dictatorship of the

proletariat will lead workers and peasants

into socialism without the revisionist

diversions of bourgeois liberals,

Trotskiests, or disillusioned Maoist

terrorism.

The Okies pass inside.

MARY:

(looking at them; to self)

Doesn't he realize that a weak proletariat

needs a strong liberal bourgeoisie in a

joint struggle against monopoly

capitalism?

Ted stops at the door surrounded by boarding passengers.

SUPER:
PSYCHIATRIST.

PSYCHIATRIST:

We can't begin to help you until you admit

that you are sick, Ted.

(echo)

Sick Ted, sick Ted, sick Ted...

The boarding passengers look around for the echoing voice.

EXT. TARMAC - DAY

Sarg looks up through the glass-walled corridor that leads

to the ship door and spots Ted.

SARG:

(to CO-WORKER)

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle; Ted

Striker.

(holding burnt wire)

Jack, I got a bad feeling in my gut about

this mission.

In b.g. a sign reads, "DANGER -- FUEL, ABSOLUTELY NO

VOMITTING."

WORKER:

What'd you have for dinner?

SARG:

The fish, why?

MUSIC:
DRAMATIC STING.

Sarg bends down OUT OF FRAME.

SFX:
THROWING UP.

A huge EXPLOSION FILLS THE FRAME.

INT. COCKPIT

Fog rolls past cockpit window.

OVEUR:

We should be ready to launch as soon as

this fog lifts.

EXT. RUNWAY

An ENGLISH BOBBY passes a woman in 19th-Century costume in

the fog. He tips his hat and moves on. A caped man steps

out of the fog and strangles her.

INT. CABIN

Passengers are taking their seats. Ted spots Elaine and

moves towards her. The Terrorists look confused. Joe

Salucci clutches his case and wipes his brow. Mary takes

a man's suit bag.

MARY:

Can I hang that for you, sir?

MAN:

Thanks.

Mary hangs the bag from a rope noose in the closet, pulls a

lever, the bag drops like a man being executed.

SFX:
SCREAM AND THUD.

INT. COCKPIT

Unger looks out the window.

UNGER:

It looks like that weather is clearing.

EXT. SKY - DAY (STOCK)

Dramatic stock footage of clouds parting and sun exploding

through.

MUSIC:
A CLARION TRUMPET CRESCENDO.

INT. CABIN - OUTSIDE COCKPIT DOOR

Ted moves up to Elaine, who is about to enter the cock­pit.

TED:

Elaine.

She turns and gasps.

ELAINE:

Ted! What are you...?

TED:

I have to get in there. I have to stop

this flight.

SFX:
BELL.

INSERT - FLASHING SIGN - "PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS"

BACK TO SCENE:

ELAINE:

Ted, we're taking off!

TED:

Let me by, Elaine.

Mary passes.

MARY:

Please take your seats.

As Ted turns to Mary, Elaine slips into the cockpit and

locks the door --

SFX:
DOOR LOCKING.

Ted tries the door.

TED:

Elaine!

INSERT - SIGN - "WE SAID, TAKE YOUR SEAT OR CAN'T YOU READ,

A**HOLE!"

INT. COCKPIT

Elaine leans back against the door. She is highly agitated.

Simon, the administrative officer, and other crew are in

their seats.

SIMON:

Whenever your're ready, Captain.

OVEUR:

Yes, sir, commander.

(into radio)

This is Mercury One. Everything seems A-

okay up here and ready for count-down.

ZOOM to CLOSEUP of Elaine's face.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. HOSPITAL GROUNDS - DAY

Dr. Rumack and Elaine walk across the well-groomed lawn.

Elaine carries a box of spaghetti-to-go. As they walk, they

pass patients in wheelchairs pushed by nurses. The further

they walk, the more wheelchairs appear until the lawn is

jammed with two hundred wheelchairs bumping into each other,

patients falling out, total wheelchair chaos.

ELAINE:

Ted seemed to get worse after I told him

about Simon, Doctor.

RUMACK:

The human brain is a highly complex organ,

Elaine, perhaps the most complex next to

the bladder.

(he stops at a patient in a

wheelchair with his back TO

CAMERA)

Let me show you.

(Rumack removes the top of the

patient's skull and takes out

his brain as they continue on)

Ted's problem is in this area.

(points with a pencil)

This area, this area, here, here, here,

under here, here...

They walk OUT OF FRAME as wheelchair demolition derby FILLS

SCREEN.

EXT. HOSPITAL GROUNDS - GARDEN AREA - DAY

Rumack and Elaine walk INTO FRAME still talking.

RUMACK:

So you see, our task isn't made any easier

by Ted's refusal to admit that he's sick.

ELAINE:

What can I do, Doctor Rumack?

He stops next to a sign, "HOSPITAL GARDEN."

RUMACK:

You can eat balanced meals, exercise, and

take Geritol.

ELAINE:

I mean for Ted.

RUMACK:

You can be gentle with him, Elaine. He's

been working out a lot of his aggressions

here in the garden.

ELAINE:

Is that a good sign, Doctor?

Rumack holds the "HOSPITAL GARDEN" sign.

RUMACK:

It does the job.

ANGLE ON TED:

He is ripping up small trees, shrubs, etc., and throwing

them onto a huge pile of mud that resembles the mountain

that Dreyfuss built in "Close Encounters."

ELAINE:

Hello, Ted.

Ted ignores her as he works frantically.

ELAINE:

(holding out box)

I brought you some spaghetti.

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