Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa Page #10

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Well, for my part,

I was a bit worried about my head...

- Here we go.

- But um...

- I think I've got a handle on it now.

- Oh, yeah, that's a good joke.

You've used that joke

about three or four times now.

- I don't know if you're aware of that.

- I use it too much?

I wouldn't say that. I just think

we're in that area and... you know.

- What about the hat?

- Good for the bin, I reckon.

- Lose it?

- Yeah.

But I think, like you say,

you're coming on leaps and bounds...

and I think, 12 months' time,

you'll probably have forgotten

there ever was a siege.

- What siege?

- Er... exactly. That's good.

- You haven't really forgotten?

- No.

OK, time now for our weekly phone call

with incarcerated DJ Pat Farrell.

- It's...

Ring-ring from Sing-Sing!

Hello, Pat. Wagwan!

Er... Hi, Alan.

OK, this week's question comes from Sue,

a dental hygienist from Grantham.

She asks, "Prison time is

often referred to as porridge

but do they actually serve porridge,

and if so, is it compulsory?"

Yeah, they serve porridge

but you can have other things.

Thanks, Pat. We'll have another question

for you next week, until then...

Keep your nose clean, boy.

The Number One Song in Heaven

It's number one all over heaven

It's number one all over heaven

It's number one all over heaven

The number one song all over heaven

If you should die before you awake

If you should die while

crossing the street

The song that you'll hear, I guarantee

Colby, Philip?

If you guys don't dig the sounds,

sling us your pod, I'll dock it.

You won't like it.

Guys, I dig a lot of stuff.

A good beat's a good beat.

All The Wrong Places

All the wrong places

Sorry, not listening to that.

It's number one all over heaven

It's number one all over heaven

It's number one all over heaven

The number one song all over heaven

The song filters down,

down through the clouds

It reaches the earth

and winds all around

And then it breaks

up in millions of ways

It goes la, la, la, la, la la, la la

La, la, la la, la la, la la

La, la, la la, la la, la la

La, la, la la, la la,

la, la, la, la-la-la

Whoo, in cars it becomes a hit

For God's sake, if

it's that important...

All The Wrong Places

Toe to toe

We all stand tall

Row by row

All eyes glow

Like a rabbit in the headlights

Get your head right

Start a new life

Shiver in the moonlight

You must embrace it cos

if not you'll waste it

You're looking for love

in all the wrong places

All the wrong places...

Sorry, that is awful.

The Number One Song in Heaven

...or soft as a doubt

Lyrically weak,

but the music's the thing

Gabriel plays it, God,

how he plays it

Gabriel plays it, God,

how he plays it

Gabriel plays it, God,

how he plays it

Gabriel plays it,

let's hear him play it

It's number one all over heaven

It's number one all over heaven

It's number one all over heaven

The number one song all over heaven

The song filters down,

down through the clouds

It reaches the earth and

winds all around

And then it breaks up

in millions of ways

It goes la, la, la, la, la la, la la

La, la, la la, la la, la la

La, la, la la, la la, la la

La, la, la la, la la, la,

la, la, la-la-la

Whoo, in cars it becomes a hit

And in your home it becomes

advertisements

And in the streets it becomes

children singing

Ooh, la, la, la, la, la

Ooh, la, la, la, la, la

Ooh, la, la, la, la, la

Ooh, la, la, la, la, la...

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