Alice in Wonderland Page #4

Well, I've been looking for

the pretty garden all day...

and now I'm tired, and hungry.

Oh, that's different.

We've been eating for hours.

And we've not finished yet.

Waiter, waiter, there's a hair in my soup!

Is it blonde? We're missing a waitress.

Have some wine!

I don't see any wine.

There isn't any and you're too young.

Then it wasn't very nice of you to offer it.

It wasn't very nice of you to

sit down without an invitation.

This is a private soiree.

Well I suppose I should've just barged in.

I know I wasn't invited but the table

was laid out for a lot of people.

My response to that is both

profound a meaningful.

Get your hair cut!

You shouldn't make personal

remarks, it's very rude.

I didn't know that. Personal

remarks are rude?

Hm hmm.

E'gad, you learn something new everyday.

Make a note of that, Marchy,

it might come in useful.

Now I have one for you...

(to Alice) Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Why is a raven...?

I'm not talking to you...

Why not, aren't I good enough?

You've heard it before.

But you were looking at me when

you said "Why is a raven...?"

I'm asking Alice!

Um, why is raven like a writing desk.

You know - I'm pretty sure I can guess.

You mean you think you know the answer?

Yes.

Then you should say what you mean.

Well I do... at... at least...

At least I mean what I say...

That... that is the same thing.

It's not the same thing at all.

You might as well say "I see what I eat"

is the same thing as "I eat what I see"

You might as well say "I like

what I get" as "I get what I like."

Ahhh! Oh!

You or you might as well say

"I breathe when I asleep" is the same

thing as "I sleep when I breathe."

Well it is the same with you!

No no, oh I need some sleep.

Clean cups!

Time marches on it's stomach! Ah ha ha ha.

It's an army that marches on its stomach.

Odd sort of army, marching on it's stomach.

I don't like the idea. Yuck!

What day of month is it?

The fourth.

Ah-ah! Two days wrong!

I told you not to use butter.

- It was the best butter.

- Danish.

Some crumbs must've got into it as well...

I said, "don't put butter in the

works with a bread knife".

I couldn't put it in with a fork could I?

Here, let me see.

I don't want to give it to you - but I will.

Ohh!

Ahhgh!

I don't understand it... it was the best butter.

Danish.

That's a funny watch.

It tells the day of the month but not the time.

Why should it... does your

watch tell you what year it is?

No. Because it stays a year for so long.

Oh well then I rest my case.

Where?

There!

I know when I'm beaten.

Oh look. Mr Dormouse is asleep again.

It tells you a lot about your conversation...

Sparkle, Miss, sparkle!

Of course, of course,

I was just going to say that myself... I'm...

I'm asleep... again...

Have you guessed the

riddle about the raven yet?

Um hmm no, I give up... what's the answer?

I haven't the slightest idea.

Nor me.

I think you should all do

something better with the time

than wasting it on asking stupid riddles.

If you knew Time the way I do, you

wouldn't talk about wasting "it".

Time is a "him".

"It" isn't polite.

I don't know what you mean.

Of course you don't!

Because you've never

spoken to Time have you?

Well I have.

We used to be very good friends...

We served the Empire, in many a distant

post before they all got woodworm.

But we quarreled last March...

just before he went mad.

Flatterer!

It was at the great concert

given by the Queen of Hearts!

Quick, stop him, he's going to sing... too late!

Thank you ladies and gentlemen.

How terribly sweet of you.

And now for a little encore I'd like to a

song entitled "Auntie's Wooden Leg".

Maestro, if you please...

"Oh Auntie's wooden

leg, Auntie's wooden leg.

We'll paint it red and call

it Fred or Ned or Ted.

Oh, Auntie's wooden leg.

Auntie's wooden leg.

Everybody said it was well and truly

dead, oh Auntie's wooden leg...

I say, I say, I say!"

How dare you interrupt my

song with "I say, I say, I say!"

I say, I say, I say...

In this world it's not what you

know, but who you know.

I don't know either one of them.

Kindly leave the stage by the red door.

There's a fifty foot drop on the other side!

But we're still good friends...

Dohh!

Auntie's wooden ohh...

Uh ha, oh dear dear dear dear dear.

Auntie's wooden leg.

Aunties wooden leg, we'II...

That's enough of that... or she'll walk out.

That's what the audience did at the concert.

Try another song.

We're desperate men.

"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat.

How I wonder what you're at!

Up above the world you fly.

Like a tea-tray in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle, little twinkle,

You don't speak but you will twinkle.

Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, little bee,

Twinkle, twinkle,

I'm so glad it isn't me...

Lovely isn't it? It could

almost pass for singing.

"Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle..."

Anyway, I'd hadn't finished the

second verse at the concert

when the Queen bawls out...

"He's murdering the tunc!

Off with his head!"

How terrible for you.

You're very understanding for a small girl.

Anyway, if you'll pardon the expression,

Time took offence to our performance.

Uh - your performance!

And ever since then he won't do a

thing we ask... he stopped time.

Could he stop time for me?

I have to sing a song.

Oh wonderful! We're all performers here.

The roar of the greasepaint,

the smell of the crowd...

nothing like it!

But I don't want to!

Don't want to perform?

- It's unnatural.

- No, no, no. Stage fright.

I remember my first performance,

I shook so much my hat fell off.

If Time stopped time for you,

he could stop time for me.

But he only stops time at tea-time.

So it's always tea-time here?

Tell us a story.

I don't know any.

Then Dormy will.

Wake up, Dormy!

Ahhrgh! I wasn't asleep.

Oh no... I heard every

word you fellows said...

Tell us a story!

Please do!

And do it quick, otherwise you'll fall

asleep before you've finished it.

Once upon a time there were three sisters,

Elsie, Lacie and Tillie and they

lived at the bottom of a well.

What did they live on?

What did they live on? Treacle!

That would've made them ill.

It did. It made them very ill.

Have some more tea!

More tea! More tea!

I've had nothing yet so I can't have more!

You mean you can't have less.

It's very easy to have more than nothing.

Especially if you're poor.

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