Alice in Wonderland Page #6

You have to tread with care

when dealing with cats.

They have influence and are

seen in all the smart places.

You remember the Great Cat Massacre.

Ah, yes, I was forgetting.

Catastrophe.

I'd think carefully before acting rashly.

Sound advice, little girl.

And another thing,

the cat belongs to the Duchess.

She's in prison... fetch her!

I remember the Great Cat

Massacre of '28... nasty business.

Yes it was just after the Great

Flamingo Plague of '26 wasn't it?

- Shhh.

- What?!

Ahh... Duchess.

Think carefully before

answering this question...

Is this your cat?!

No!

No? It isn't?

I was told... ahh, it's gone!

It's your fault! It was in your custody!

It wasn't official, so it's nothing to

do with me, mate. I'm in the clear!

Help me find it! Everybody help!

Quick, quick. Quick.

Oh, you can't think how glad I am

to see you again, you old thing.

Thank you.

You look worried, my dear?

I don't want to go back and sing that song.

The show must go on.

Why?

Life would be very dull if it didn't.

Off with your head.

The game's going better now.

And the moral of that is...

"the more there is of mine,

the less there is of yours".

Or you could say "fortune favours the brave".

I could and I will...

"fortune favours the brave".

Oh that's a good moral.

You are a clever old thing you. Ohh!

Fine day, Your Majesty.

I gave you fair warning.

Either you or your head must be OFF!

Now, my dear, we can finish

our game, before you leave.

I'm frightened of going back.

They want me to do things I don't want to do.

To stay, you have to know the password.

I don't know it.

Guess.

"Penny-whistle".

Guess again.

"Lions and Unicorns".

Almost but not quite. It's "Honeycomb".

Can you write that word down?

Mmm yes.

Blindfolded?

Well...

I thought not!

Come, come, this won't do. Everybody play!

Off with their heads.

Off with their heads.

Off with everyone's heads!

This isn't such a lovely garden after all.

Now where have I got to?

Hmm... That looks like the coat

of arms we have at home.

Hello. Who are you?

Alice.

Alice? That sounds familiar.

And who are you?

A gryphon...

part eagle, part lion.

The best of each I always say.

Hmm, I thought you were

a mythical creature?

I am... that makes me even more fascinating.

Is there a way out of this maze, sir?

Let's ask Mr Mock Turtle.

He's my best friend... splendid fellow.

True blue through and through...

Rise and shine, old chum.

Oh, is there something wrong?

No, no, no. It's his fancy.

Who knows what sad thoughts tiptoe

through the mossy glades of his mind.

I know how to cheer him up.

Ah, Mockers tell this

young lady about yourself.

She's come to right person for

that... sit down, both of you.

Er no thanks, I've heard it before.

Sit down... it's the least you can do.

Once, ahhh haaa... I was a real turtle

I was a real... I was a real...

Thank you for that very interesting story sir.

I haven't started yet!

Stay, you may learn something.

You must've learned a lot

since you've been down here?

Yes I suppose I have.

When Gryph and I were little, we

went to school in the same sea,

and the Master was an old turtle.

We used to call him "tortoise".

Why would you call him

"tortoise" if he wasn't one?

We called him " tortoise

"because he taught us.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself,

asking a simple question like that.

He taught us reeling and writing, and

the basic fundamentals of Arithmetic.

Ambition, Distraction, Qualification

and we also learnt Drawling

The Drawling Master was an old conger-eel.

He taught us Drawling.

Stretching and Fainting in Coils.

Whoao!

What was that like?

I'll show you.

I'll have it in a minute.

I can't show it to you myself.

I'm a little too stiff.

Old age is not for weaklings.

And Gryphon, here, never

learnt it, did you, Gryph?

I didn't time...

I went to the Classical Master

though... what an old crab he was.

Tell her about the games!

Woo Cho cho cho cho choo -

You may never have lived in the sea

so you've probably never

been introduced to a lobster.

I once tasted a Io...

You what-what-what-what?!

Nothing.

You've never seen a Lobster-Quadrille then?!

No, what sort of dance is that?

Ha da cha cha cha chaa...

This will give you some

idea of what it looks like.

First you have to clear away all the jelly-fish.

You don't want to dance on top

of a lot of jelly-fish, do you?

Yah! Woo, Mmmm.

You have a line of dancers...

turtles, salmon, cod, skate.

Whoever's available.

And each one has a lobster

Don't forget about the lobsters!

Yes, then you advance twice, change

lobsters and retire in the same order...

Then, you throw the lobsters into the air.

Then you change lobsters again.

And that, little girl, is the

first figure of the dance!

It's a beautiful dance.

Oh, it is and it costs a pretty penny.

And a few ugly ones too.

Now, we'll show it to you.

"Will you walk a little faster?"

Said a whiting to a snail.

"There's a porpoise close behind

us, and he's treading on my tail,

See how eagerly the lobsters

and the turtles all advance!

They are waiting on the shingle.

Will you come and join the dance?

See how eagerly the lobsters

and the turtles all advance!

They are waiting on the shingle.

Will you come and join the dance?

Dance!

Will you, won't you, will you,

won't you, join the dance?

Dance!

Will you, won't you, will you,

won't you - join the dance?"

Dance!

Thank you. It was a very

interesting dance to watch.

And no wise fish would ever go

anywhere without a porpoise.

- Wouldn't it really?

- Course not.

Why, if a fish came to me and

said he was going on a journey,

I'd say "with what porpoise?"

So you like performing then?

No... I hate it.

Oh you know you mustn't it's such fun.

Stand up.

Oh you are standing up.

Recite "Tis voice of the sluggard".

She doesn't know that!

I do.

Recite it then!

"Tis the voice of the Lobster

I heard him declare.

You have baked me too

brown. I must sugar my hair

As a duck with its eyelids,

so he with his nose.

Trims his belt and his buttons

and turns out his toes"

You've got it wrong.

I keep getting things wrong today...

I think you'd better sing "Turtle Soup" instead,

if you would, Old Fellow.

You don't have to ask me twice.

He'll sing at the drop of a hat.

I haven't got a hat, but if

I had and it dropped it,

I'd sing before it touched the ground.

You're in for a treat, Alice...

Master... an undiscovered virtuose.

And he plays the spoons...

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