Alice in Wonderland Page #5

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Then if all the things

have fallen out,

the box is no use

without them.

Can you guess

why I did that?

I can't imagine.

In hopes some bees may make a nest

in it. Then I should get the honey.

But you've got a beehive, or something

like one, fastened to the saddle.

It's a very good beehive, too.

One of the best kind,

but not a single bee

has come near it yet.

That other thing's

a mousetrap.

I suppose the mice

keep the bees out

or the bees keep the mice

out. I don't know which.

It isn't very likely there would

be any mice on a horse's back.

Not very likely, perhaps,

but I don't choose to have

them running all about.

You see, I'm well

provided for everything.

That's the reason the horse has

those anklets around his feet.

What are they for?

To guard against the bites of

sharks. It's my own invention.

But let's go on. I'll go with

you to the edge of the wood.

I hope you've got your

hair well-fastened on.

Only the usual way.

That's hardly enough. You see,

the wind is so strong here.

It's strong as soup.

Have you invented

a plan for keeping

the hair from

being blown off?

Not yet,

but I have a plan for keeping

the hair from falling off.

I should like to

hear it very much.

First, you take

an upright stick,

then you make your hair

creep up it like a vine.

Now, the reason hair falls off

is because it hangs down.

Things never fall upward, you

know. It's my own invention.

You may try it if you like.

I'm a great hand

at inventing things.

Now, I daresay you noticed

the last time you picked me up,

I was looking

rather thoughtful.

You were a little grave.

Well, just then I was inventing

a new way of getting over a gate.

Would you like to hear it?

Very much, indeed.

Well, I'll tell you how I came

to think of it. I said to myself,

"The only difficulty

is with the feet.

"The head's high

enough already."

Now, first I put my head on top of

the gate, then my head's high enough,

then I stand on my head,

then my feet are high enough.

Then I'm over.

Sir Knight!

If there were only

a gate down here,

I'd be in excellent

position to cross it.

How can you go on talking so

quietly with your head in a ditch?

What does it matter

where my body happens to be?

My mind goes on

working all the same.

In fact, I once invented a new

pudding during the meat course.

In time to have it cooked

for the next course? Hmm.

That was quick work.

Well, not the next course.

In fact, I don't believe

that pudding ever was cooked.

What did you mean

it to be made of?

Well, it began

with blotting paper.

That wouldn't be

very nice, I'm afraid.

Not very nice alone, but

imagine how good it would be

mixed with other things, such

as gunpowder and sealing wax.

And here I must leave you.

This is the end of the wood.

You've only

a few yards to go.

Down the hill, across that little

brook, and then you'll be a queen.

At last!

But you'll stay

and see me off first?

I shan't be long.

You'll wait?

Of course I'll wait.

I think it'll encourage me.

Thank you very much for

coming so far out of your way.

For that, I shall expect you

to cry a good deal as I go.

The poor, dear Knight.

He's the nicest person yet.

Well, here I am.

What's this?

A crown! A golden crown!

I'm a queen!

I'm a queen!

How dare you say

that you're a queen.

What right have you

to call yourself so?

You can't be a queen,

you know,

till you've passed

the proper examination,

and the sooner we begin

it, the better. Be seated.

Yes, Your Majesty.

I'm ready, Your Majesties.

Can you do addition?

Now what's one and one and one and

one and one and one, one and one?

I don't know.

I lost count.

She can't do addition.

Can you answer any useful

questions? How is bread made?

I know that.

You take some flour...

Where do you pick the flower,

in a garden or in the hedges?

It isn't picked at all,

it's ground.

But how many

acres of ground?

I wish you wouldn't leave out

so many things!

Oh, dear.

You know any languages?

What's the French

for "fiddle-de-dee"?

Fiddle-de-dee's

not English.

Whoever said it was?

Well, if you'll tell me what

language fiddle-de-dee is,

I'll tell you

the French for it.

Queens never

make bargains!

I'm so sleepy.

She's tired,

poor thing.

So, smooth her hair,

lend her your nightcap and

sing her a soothing lullaby.

I haven't any nightcap, and I

don't know any soothing lullabies.

I'll have to

do it myself.

Hush-a-bye lady

in Alice's lap

When the feast's ready

we've time for a nap

When the feast's over

we'll go to the ball

Red Queen and White Queen

and Alice and all

Now that you know the words, sing

it through to me. I'm sleepy, too.

Now what am I to do?

Do wake up.

To the looking-glass world

It was Alice that said

"I've a scepter in hand

"I've a crown on my head"

No admittance

until week after next.

Why... Why, how dare you!

Fill up the glasses

as quick as you can

And sprinkle the table

With buttons and bran

Put cats in the coffee

and mice in the tea

And welcome Queen Alice

with 30 times three

Put cats in the coffee

and mice in the tea

And welcome Queen Alice

With 30 times three

Then put in the glasses,

molasses and ink

And anything else

that is pleasant to drink

Mix sand with the cider

And wool with the wine

And welcome Queen Alice

With 90 times nine

Mix sand with the cider

And wool with the wine

And welcome Queen Alice

With 90 times 90 times

90 times nine

You've missed the soup

and fish! Serve the roast!

You seem a little shy. Let me

introduce you to that leg of mutton.

Alice, Leg of Mutton.

Leg of Mutton, Alice.

How do you do?

May I give you a slice?

Certainly not!

It isn't etiquette to cut

somebody you've been introduced to.

Remove the roast!

Will you, won't you, will you,

won't you...

Please don't introduce

the Pudding,

or we shall get

no dinner at all.

May I give you some?

Pudding, Alice.

Alice, Pudding.

What impertinence!

How would you like it if I were to

cut a slice out of you, you creature?

Make a remark.

It's ridiculous to leave all

the conversation to the Pudding.

Well...

You'd better prepare.

We're about to drink to your

health. Queen Alice's health!

Queen Alice's health!

Queen Alice!

Queen Alice!

She ought to make a speech. A speech!

So she ought!

A speech! A speech!

A speech!

A speech!

Speech!

Speech!

I rise to return thanks.

Take care! Something's going to

happen! Something's going to happen!

Here I am!

There was a looking-glass room,

and you were the Red Queen.

There was a whole

looking-glass country.

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