Alice in Wonderland Page #5

of this monster?

I think it belongs

to the Duchess, Your Majesty.

Perhaps you'd

better ask her about it.

Oh, that shouldn't

be difficult, dear.

You put her in prison.

Fetch the Duchess here

and be quick about it!

When I get home,

I'll have such

wonderful stories to tell

about kings and queens,

strange creatures

in such strange lands.

Well, as I live and breathe,

and I hope to keep it up,

if it isn't the little one.

How are you, my dear?

As well as can be expected.

And you?

Ah, you're thinking.

That makes you

forget to talk.

Well, I can't

tell you just now

the moral to that, but...

Well, I'll remember in a bit.

Perhaps, it hasn't one.

Get out of here.

Tut-tut, my child.

Everything has a moral,

if you find it.

Now, the moral to that is...

# 'Tis love, 'tis love

# 'Tis love that makes

the world go round #

Well, well,

if it isn't Her Majesty.

Well, it is.

And that being the case,

would you be good enough

to grovel?

Grovel?

Yes.

Right here on the gravel.

Well...

Do you think I'm ready

for gravel-groveling?

Now, I give you a choice.

Either you or your head

must be off, and at once!

Oh, well,

I accept your generous offer,

Your Majesty. Yes, I do.

Ta-ta.

Get out of here.

Bad riddance

to good rubbish.

With all due respect,

Your Majesty,

I think

you've got that backwards.

Oh, have I?

Bad rubbish

to good riddance.

No! It's "Good riddance

to bad rubbish."

What mockery.

And speaking of mockery,

have you met

the Mock Turtle yet?

I don't think so,

Your Majesty.

But then, I don't even know

what a mock turtle is.

Why, it's the thing

mock turtle soup is made from.

Oh, you must meet him.

Now, you just follow that path

and you'll see him.

I must attend

to some executions.

Whatever it is,

it must be trapped in there.

Oh, that poor little goat.

There, there, don't cry.

Bye, little goat.

You hurry back

to your mother.

I'm sure she misses you.

I'm sure mine does, too.

Well, thank you,

I'm glad someone

appreciates me.

Thank you,

and you hurry back

to your mother, too.

Goodbye!

Who are you?

Are you a mock turtle?

A mock turtle?

Do I look

like a mock turtle?

Can't you tell

a genuine gryphon

when you see one?

I'm so sorry,

Mr. Gryphon.

Her Majesty told me

that I'd meet

the Mock Turtle here.

Oh, you mean that

"Off with his head" queen?

She's a flibbertigibbet.

Flibbertigibbet,

flibbertigibbet.

A "flibbiti" what?

A silly ninny.

All the executions

she orders,

they never come about.

They're all her fancy.

Then why does she

even order them?

Why?

Why? Why? Why?

The eternal "why"

of a child.

Ah, but enough

of my gryphosophy.

I'll take you

to the Mock Turtle. Come on.

Everybody says "Come on."

I never was

so ordered around before

in all my life.

Never!

Come on!

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

There's the Mock Turtle.

Right there.

Who are you?

I'm Alice.

Guess what his sorrow is?

Why, he must wanna go home.

I know why I'm so sad,

Mr. Mock Turtle.

I wanna go home.

I just seem to be getting

further and further away.

But why are you crying?

It's all his

morbid imagination.

He really has no sorrow.

Oh, shut up, Gryphon.

Yes, Mr. Gryphon,

please.

So, what is the matter,

Mr. Mock Turtle?

Oh, my dear.

Once I was a real turtle.

We went to school

in the sea.

My teacher

was an old turtle.

We used to call him Tortoise.

But why did you

call him Tortoise

if he was really a turtle?

We called him Tortoise

because he taught us.

Really,

you are very dull.

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself,

asking such a silly question.

Please tell me more.

Well, we had

the best of education.

Reeling and writhing,

and then

the different branches

of arithmetic.

Ambition, distraction,

uglification and derision.

Oh, shut up, Mock Turtle.

Enough about your lessons.

Why don't you sing

the little girl a song?

Well, if I'm going

to sing anything,

I suppose a song

is a good choice.

Oh, I don't know.

You could sing her

a sea chantey.

That's a thought.

I used to live

in a sea shanty.

Oh?

But I didn't

care for it much.

For the roof leaked,

as I recall.

Now, really, Mr. Turtle.

Oh, you don't

have to be so formal.

You can call me

by my first name.

And what is that?

Mock.

That's what my mother

used to call me.

"Mock," she'd say...

Well, whoever you are

and whatever you are,

absolutely nothing you say

makes any sense at all.

Oh, that's

the nicest compliment

I've ever been paid.

There's too much sense

in the world for me,

in my humble opinion.

# Please tell me, young lady,

just what is so good #

# About never once

being misunderstood #

# There's far too much

accurate communication #

# And if it continues

# I fear for the nation

# Nonsense! Nonsense!

That's what

we're terribly short of #

# Don't you love nonsense?

I'm not really sure.

Well, sort of.

# We're getting lethargic

from aiming at logic #

# Let's put a stop to that

# If you don't love nonsense

I'll knock off your hat! #

# Nonsense! Nonsense!

Simply can't do without it #

# Burn incense to nonsense

and sing us a song about it #

# Let young master Billy

be hopelessly silly

until he is blue in the face #

# We must never be grave

'Tis nonsense will save #

# The blooming human race

# Nonsense! Nonsense!

Simply can't do without it #

# Burn incense to nonsense

and sing us a song about it #

# Let young master Billy

be hopelessly silly

until he is blue in the face #

# We must never be grave

# 'Tis nonsense will save

# The blooming human race! #

Now, tell us

about your adventures.

I would tell you

my adventures beginning

from this morning,

but it's no use

going back to yesterday

because I was

a different person then.

The trial's beginning!

The trial's beginning!

Come on, come on!

What trial is it?

Never mind.

Never mind. Come on.

Bye, Alice. Bye, Gryphon.

I wish

they'd get the trial done

and pass out

the refreshments.

What are they doing?

They can't have anything

to write down yet,

before the trial's begun.

They're writing down

the names

for fear

they should forget them

before the end of the trial.

Silence in court!

Silence in the court.

Herald, read the accusation.

"The Queen of Hearts,

she made some tarts

All on a summer day

"The Knave of Hearts,

he stole some tarts

And took them quite away!"

Consider your verdict.

Oh, no, no, no, no,

Your Majesty. Not yet.

Not yet.

There's a lot more to come.

Really?

Call the first witness!

Call the first witness!

Call the first witness!

Oh, I beg your pardon,

Your Majesty,

I was just finishing my tea

when they dragged me in here.

You should have

finished your tea.

When did you begin?

The 14th of March,

I think it was.

15th.

16th!

Don't be impertinent.

Give your evidence

or I'll have you

executed on the spot.

Oh, oh, my dear,

did you hear that?

Bravo!

Oh, Your Honor,

I'm a very poor man,

and I had just begun my tea

not more than

a week or so ago,

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