Alistair McHarg Requests the Pleasure of Your Company Page #3

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You see, this was meant to be.

Will you marry me?

You said yes?

- Yeah. Well, why not?

You know, I think this is exactly

what I need to get my life back on track.

I mean,

why can't two strangers get married?

- I don't know. Because it's retarded?

- Look, you said it yourself.

You said I need to get back out there

and meet people. Right? So...

Yeah, meet! Meet! Not marry!

Why can't you just date her for a while

like a normal human being?

Look, don't worry. Okay? It's not...

You know, it's not like

we're getting married today.

We talked about it,

and we decided to take things slow.

- So what's next?

- She's moving in with me.

I gotta go.

Okay. Well, good luck with that.

I don't care

whether you hear this

I don't care if I'm alone

here singing songs to myself

There's nobody else around,

around

Meet you up

at the Indian part of the town

The town's shut down,

the people left with their bags

Their kids so there's not

a sound, a sound

But I must get

from there to here

There's a small voice crying

on the other side of the river from here

It's too late

to phone her now

William, I have some weird news.

It's good news for me.

I can't marry you.

I'll explain everything later. I'm so sorry.

I love you... As a friend. Okay, bye.

Just a minute

close your eyes

If we settle

for this compromise I'll stay with you

The river looks

so good tonight

Can I leave a message for 99138?

I don't know

what's with your friend

Phone message, Smitty.

She said she'd had enough

of playing games

It's from my daughter.

She's getting married.

Oh, yeah?

It's too bad you're not gonna be there

to walk her down the aisle, big guy.

- What is this?

- I'm getting married!

- No, this.

- It's a diaphragm.

I know what it is. Not in front of...

Please. Please.

- It's her diaphragm.

- Stuart!

- Damn it!

- Jeez.

- Where are you going?

- I told you. I'm getting married.

- You said yes!

- Not to William.

Not to William?

His name's Anderson.

I met him a couple of hours ago.

A couple of hours ago?

What kind of... What about William?

What kind of name is Anderson?

- Use your head here, Katie.

- He's black, isn't he?

I have to go.

Don't you think

you're being a little impulsive?

Yes! That is exactly what I'm being.

And guess what? It feels great!

- You ready?

- Oh, my God.

Hi.

Hey, there, dude. You must be Anderson.

- No.

- Matador.

This is my friend, Matador.

He's just giving me a ride.

I like your Jew hat.

Bye, Mom. I'll bring him by

for you to meet him tomorrow!

- Can you see?

- No.

No problem.

You know, this happens all the time.

How can you see?

Just be patient!

This will clear up in a second.

Okay, slow down.

- What?

- Slow down.

Oh, my! Oh, my!

Oh, my!

I killed that fellow.

I killed that fellow with my car!

- Oh, my God, not again.

- Anderson?

Vanessa?

Anderson?

Vanessa?

Am I dead?

You're just unconscious.

Does it hurt?

Not really.

Now does it hurt?

You're getting married?

No! No! No! We're not getting married.

We're just...

We're just moving in together.

I thought you loved me.

I do, Vanessa. I do.

I'll never love anybody but you.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Of course.

Then dump her.

Promise me, Anderson.

I promise.

Touch my lightsaber, Luke.

Touch it!

- What is that? What is that?

- It's just ice.

Okay.

Hello.

Katie, would you like

to make the introductions?

I hit you with my car.

This is Matador.

Matador.

Here. I got you a small gift.

I didn't have time to wrap it.

It's a Discman.

This is my Discman.

Did you take this from my drawer?

Yes, I did.

Okay.

Matador, could you do me a giant favor?

Yeah.

Is there some way that you could not

press your balls into my shin?

- Can do.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Yeah.

- Thanks.

Are you okay?

Well, I thought he was abrupt,

but I'll be fine.

Yeah, I think... I think I'll be okay.

Matador.

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. Very good.

Okay.

Take care, now.

I will.

He seems nice.

- Does it hurt?

- No, it's fine.

- You're so brave.

- Listen. Listen, Katie...

- Hey, where's your bedroom?

- Bedroom?

Yeah. I need to put this somewhere.

- What's this?

- My clothes.

- Your clothes?

- Yeah, you know, for wearing.

Oh, clothes.

Right. I thought you said "cloves." Cloves.

And I was like,

"Cloves, that's a weird thing to pack."

Okay, yeah. You found the bedroom.

So, yup. So this... This is the bedroom.

This is the bedroom.

I should probably clean up a little.

Good. Good.

So listen, I was thinking about everything

and how great this is,

but it's all happening so fast,

and I was afraid

that maybe you thought it

was happening too fast.

That's what makes it so exciting.

Exactly. Exactly.

That's what I was exactly going to say.

Because personally,

I couldn't be more thrilled.

Well, you seem really nervous.

Really? No, no, no. I don't...

That's weird. I don't get nervous.

I just express joy by sweating on occasion.

- Who's Vanessa?

- Who?

You said "Vanessa"

right before you passed out.

- I did?

- Oh, is this her?

No. No, that's not her.

I don't know who that is.

That's... That picture came with the frame.

But you're in the picture.

Yeah, there I am, right there. I know.

That's because I used to do

some modeling when I was younger.

- Really?

- Yes, I did.

I did some picture frame modeling

back when that whole "regular guy" phase

was sweeping the picture frame

modeling industry.

- That is so cool.

- Yeah.

The telephone's ringing.

Should I get it?

No. No, no, no.

It's my mom. I'll call her back.

- Oh, should I say hi?

- That's okay.

No, really, it's weird.

I mean, I should say hi, right?

No, no. That's... I got it. I got it.

Hello, Mom? Hi. Hi!

Oh, same old, same old.

How are you guys?

If she wants to talk to me,

I'm here.

Yeah, listen. No.

Everything is... Everything is...

Everything is good.

Okay, sweetie.

Yeah.

I gotta go, Mom. I love you.

Yeah. Love you. See you tomorrow, then.

Okay. See you tomorrow.

Bye-bye.

How's Anderson?

Fine, I guess.

He says he has a surprise for us.

He's coming over tomorrow.

What's he doing tomorrow?

Coming.

He's what?

Coming.

I can give you what you want

I can make

your heart beat short

I'm scared.

Give me that, little girl.

I'm just a little girl. I'm a little girl.

- Anderson?

- Just a minute! Just a minute.

I can be the sauce

you crave

I can spell

what you can't say

Chocolate flavored

love theme treat that treats you so mean

Covering your

nights and days

Let me give you

what you'd like

I can make your mouth

run dry

Drink me like a liquor,

c'mon and dip your dipper

Show me

what you're here for, guy

- Anderson? Anderson?

- Coming.

Okay.

Listen. Listen, Katie.

I think you're really neat. Okay, I do.

But I just...

I can't. I can't,

'cause I made a promise to somebody.

And...

"I think you're really neat"? God.

What you want

I can give you what you want

What you want

I can give you what you want

What you want

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