Alistair McHarg Requests the Pleasure of Your Company Page #5

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So I guess I don't have to tell you

what this is for.

I've had this cock ring since my Navy days.

I got it from a $3 whore in Shanghai.

Wow, that's a really nice...

It's a nice ring.

- Cock ring, Son.

- Cock ring. Cock ring.

Yeah. I don't know what it is,

ever since I left the service

I've been having trouble

with firing my torpedoes too soon.

If you take my meaning.

I think I do, Dad.

- Premature ejaculation.

- Okay. Okay.

- Son.

- Yeah.

I want you to have it.

I want you to have my cock ring.

I don't know what to say.

Knock, knock.

I'm sorry, Smitty.

I just wanted to borrow your Dirt Devil.

Dinner was terrific, Mrs. Wells.

Oh, no, I won't have any of that.

We're family now.

I'd like you to call me Mommy.

Okay.

I suppose Anderson told you

all about Vanessa?

Oh. No. Yeah. I mean, he did.

Mommy.

He really loved her. I suppose we all did.

I thought of that girl as one of my own.

Why did they break up?

Break up?

Oh, heavens, they didn't break up.

She died, poor little thing.

Her heart just gave out

the night he proposed.

Oh, my God!

Some folks around here blame Anderson,

the way he surprised her and all.

I know I do.

When she went,

it just about tore this family apart.

There were nights I thought about

sticking Daddy's service revolver

in my mouth and pulling the trigger,

just so I could be with her in heaven.

Mrs. Wells, I'm not trying

to take Vanessa's...

Don't you say her name.

I will cut you.

We're home, Mother.

Where are you girls hiding?

We're just having a little girl talk, Daddy.

Oh, how was your walk, sweetheart?

- Very nice.

- Hi, honey.

I don't know what you said to my mom,

but whatever it was, it worked.

She loved you.

And believe me, my mom's not always

as sweet as she looks.

- Really?

- No, really. I know it's hard to believe.

Don't you have anything

you want to tell me?

Yeah.

Yeah, there is.

You look really nice tonight.

You're a real jerk.

Are we about to have our first fight?

'Cause if we are, you think we can finish it

before we get to your friend's house?

Or it could wait.

I just don't understand.

Why didn't you tell me about Vanessa

when I asked?

- Who's Vanessa?

- She was my girlfriend.

- His fiancee.

- Okay, technically, she never said yes.

She died.

Did you kill her?

No.

That's not what your mother says.

Look, I was gonna tell you.

Okay? Okay? But...

But what?

I mean, you're still in love with her?

You're in love with a dead girl!

- You freak!

- Freak?

Freak? I'm the freak? I'm the freak?

What kind of person

accepts a marriage proposal

from a complete stranger? Freak!

Well, what kind of a person asks? Freak!

- Stop calling me freak!

- Stop being one, you freak!

Okay. Okay.

I don't care what you think about me,

just leave her out of it.

Her? Her? You can't even say her name!

It's Vanessa, you a**hole!

And she's dead! Dead, dead, dead!

Wow. That was harsh, harsh, harsh.

Wouldn't be the first time

love made a fool of me

Wouldn't even care

but now you're here to see

It comes as no surprise

Just leave the light on

What I wouldn't give

if you could have it all

Sun is going down

The bed that breaks the fall

Cradle and the bough

So you can take comfort now

You can take comfort now

Hey.

Hey.

We split up to look for you.

You know, when I was a kid,

I didn't have many friends.

You're kidding?

Nope. It's the truth. I don't know why.

Perhaps 'cause I was into

different things than the other kids.

Acrobats, strongmen, makeup,

that sort of thing.

Right. That sort of thing.

But I didn't let it bother me, you know,

because I knew what I loved.

The circus?

You know, the circus is a lot like love.

Oh? How so?

Well, if it's a good one,

it's a really good one, it's beautiful

and terrifying and magical,

all at the same time.

And you wouldn't give up on the circus

just because

once in a while a girl falls off

the high wire, snaps her neck.

Oh, dead girls.

Sensitive subject. I'm sorry.

Morning.

"Prison escape." Honey?

No, thanks.

I thought that maybe

you could open it for me.

Oh.

Stuart?

Stuart?

Hiya, Little Bear.

What the hell are you doing here?

Stuart, honey, are you okay?

- Ducky.

- Smitty, what did you do?

You think I would miss walking

my little girl down that aisle?

- Where is she?

- Ran off with her loser boyfriend.

Hey! You shut up, all right, pal?

Did she say where she was going?

No! I don't know. No. No!

Get away from me. Oh, my God.

Hey.

Hey! Hey!

This is all your fault.

You chased her away!

Lois, please, you're getting...

Emotional?

You're right. I'm getting good

and goddamned emotional.

And what the hell are you going to do

about it, you tiny, tiny man?

- Easy, Little Bear. Easy.

- You spineless little noodle.

Easy, Lois. Now, come on.

Let's go find our baby.

All right. Let me go get dressed, Big Bear.

Let me help, Little Bear.

Hey! What's that?

Nothing.

Take care, Matador.

- Hey.

- You never gave me a key.

Right.

I just need to pack up my sh*t

and you'll never see me again.

Can I get a taxi, please?

What is the address?

- 6 New Lane.

- 6 New Lane.

- Apartment... Don't go.

- Apartment... What?

I like you and I don't want you to go.

Hello?

Hold on. What did you say?

I like you and I don't want you to go.

You don't like me.

- Don't tell me who I like. Screw you!

- Screw you!

- Screw you!

- No, screw you!

God, you're impossible!

You are pig-headed. You are stubborn.

You don't even warn a guy

when he's about to step in dog sh*t.

What is that?

Ever since I met you,

I've been a total wreck.

Even more of a wreck than usual.

And screw you, I like you!

Yeah? Well, you're a liar!

And you have horrible morning breath.

And you could never have made it

as a picture frame model.

It is so cutthroat and so competitive.

And ever since I met you,

I've been feeling completely crazy.

And I like you, too!

- Okay.

- Okay.

Okay.

Okay. So we like each other.

Now what?

Let's go.

- Really? Where?

- Trust me.

- Where are we going?

- After you.

- Please?

- No.

- Please?

- No.

Doesn't one of them have a car?

No, not one that will make it.

No, I'm not doing this.

I'm going to lose my job.

You hate your job.

Yeah, but that and my thumbs

are the only things

separating me from the animals.

Besides, I could get arrested.

I am not doing this,

and I'm not gonna feel bad about it.

And there's nothing you can say

to change my mind.

Hey.

Taking a test drive, Hal.

May I drive?

No.

Okay.

Love is a game

for two to play

Don't go wishing

your life away

Come on now

The race ain't run

Love is a game

Games can be fun

Love is a game

for two to win

Walking along

with a great big grin

Come on now

Take a run at the sun

We're taking the car, honey!

Do you know

where she might go to get married?

Only one place she would go.

Come on now

The deal ain't done

Love is a game

Games can be fun

Pretty soon you'll find

yourself

Hoppin' skippin'and jumpin'

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