Alistair McHarg Requests the Pleasure of Your Company Page #6

---

Turning somersaults

With that heart

a-thump, thump, thumpin'

Love is a game

for two to play

Don't go wishing

your life away

Come on now

The song ain't sung

Love is a game

Games can be fun

Love is a game

Games should be fun

Love is a game

Games can be fun

- Hey. What do you think?

- Nice.

Hey, so what's their deal?

Are they, like, a thing?

Like, weirdo and weirdette?

No. No. They're just roomies.

What about you and Anderson?

Oh, yeah. We make out once in a while.

Hey, no, we've been friends

since seventh grade homeroom.

We entered a talent show together

as Wayne and Garth. I was Garth.

Well, you guys must be pretty close

if you're willing to steal a car for him.

We did not steal a car.

We're just on a very, very long test drive.

Hey, can I ask you a question?

Sure.

You know, he's had it pretty tough

last year, and...

Ted, I'm not gonna hurt him.

Yeah, 'cause he's an idiot, you know?

But he's my best friend.

Someone's gotta watch his back.

Hey!

Hey.

- Hello.

- That's it?

That's all you have to say to me, "Hello"?

Hello, stranger?

I won't be such a stranger when I detach

your bicuspids from your alveolus.

Pardon?

You ruined my life!

Please tell me who you are!

"Please tell me who you are."

I'm the Grim Reaper, ass clam!

William!

William! What are you doing?

Exacting my vengeance!

Again, Katie, would you like

to make the introductions?

Anderson, this is William, my...

Wife! Wife! I'm her wife!

I mean, she's my wife! To be!

We're engaged!

What?

You didn't tell him?

I asked her to marry me three days ago.

I never said yes.

You accepted a balloon bouquet from me!

In a court of law,

that's the same thing as saying yes.

- I don't think that's true.

- Is there a problem here, folks?

Oh, no. There's no problem here, Officer.

This is him.

And he said he was just going

for a test drive, see?

Excuse me.

You folks move along now, all right?

Okay, Officer. Thanks.

We're gonna get going. Bye.

Oh, my.

This could be really bad.

Hi, Mom? Guess where I am.

Oh, my word.

What is it, Mother?

Anderson's in trouble.

It's that girl, I just know it.

All right, you two,

we're gonna have to cut it short.

Haven't we taught that boy values?

There's lemonade in the fridge.

Welcome to Tuxedo Depot.

I'm Bill, I'll be your conductor.

How can I help you reach

your formal wear destination?

You can help me by shutting up, Bill.

This is a stickup.

We don't want your money.

What do you think?

I think you look great.

Doesn't he look great?

- Yeah, he looks great.

- Yeah, great. Fantastic.

Pizza. Gotcha.

Pizza, you're under arrest.

So,

Katie tells me, you know,

you're some sort of circus...

Freak?

Yeah, I think that's the word she used.

Yeah, I guess there aren't a lot of girls

that spend their weekends

learning how to breathe fire.

No.

How do you breathe fire?

Well, it's like the old saying,

you just pucker your lips and blow.

And then, of course,

you try not to inhale the propellant,

'cause you can collapse a lung.

All units. All units.

Damn it.

All right,

we're moving out of here real slow.

Nobody say nothing,

nobody do nothing, nobody gets hurt.

Thank you. You've been very nice.

Freeze!

- Freeze! Put your hands on your head!

You've had a tough couple of days, huh?

Aside from being hit by a car

and assaulted by an orthodontist,

hasn't been too bad.

I'm sorry about William.

He's usually a nice guy.

You know, it's funny you say that,

because I remember thinking

as he was kicking me in the face,

"Hey, this guy is pretty nice."

I'll shut up.

You know, I just think

maybe the world is trying

to tell us something.

Well, like what?

Like, maybe you can't look across

a crowded restaurant,

find the person you're supposed

to spend the rest of your life with.

Hey.

You didn't read me my rights.

And what are those handcuffs...

Not my problem. Tell it to the judge.

Hey, put them in the front.

Get a space heater...

I demand to be Mirandized.

- Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God!

- Holy sh*t!

- Mom?

- Katie!

- Baby Bear!

- Dad!

Anderson, this is my dad!

Hi. Hi. Nice to meet you.

Excuse the jewelry.

- What are you doing here?

- We stole a car!

- Allegedly.

- Oh, good for you!

All of you, pipe down!

This guy's fugitive ass

is going back to the big house.

I'm sorry, your dad's a fugitive?

Yep.

Okay. All right. Come on, let's go.

- Come to me, baby.

- Daddy!

So good to see you.

You, too.

Mom. Dad.

Oh, my God!

Who the hot springs are you people?

We're his parents.

- Hey.

- Nice to see you again, Katie.

Hi, Mommy?

Mom, Dad, these are Katie's parents.

Why are Katie's parents in the hoosegow?

Yeah. Mom?

He kidnapped me.

He kidnapped me from my Stuart.

What are you talking about?

Baby, what are you doing?

Mom, Dad, stop!

Back me up. No, no!

All right, freeze!

You freeze!

Mom!

No. You drop that gun! You drop that gun!

Put down the piece. I will blow you away.

I will seriously wound this jackass!

Don't you think I won't!

I will violate your bodily organs

with tempered steel!

I am Little Bear, protecting her brood!

- Put that down! Put down the gun, now!

- You don't think I would do this?

To preserve the rule of law,

I will gladly sacrifice this man!

What?

- Mom?

- Not now, sweetheart.

Drop it!

This is not police procedure!

- She startled me.

- Help me up!

Give me the keys.

Give me those keys right now

and get over there before I hurt this man.

Sweetheart, get your jacket.

Go! Go! Come on! Come on!

The keys! The keys!

We're not going anywhere!

My son is not going

to be an accessory to a felony.

Will you get a load of this one?

"My son's too good for felonies."

You snobby b*tch.

Lady, I have half a mind

to stick my boot right up your cooter.

- What?

- You...

Katie?

Katie, what are you doing?

I don't know.

These past few days, I haven't really

had any idea what I'm doing, Anderson.

But what I'm realizing is

I'm standing here shooting a stolen gun,

which, by the way, is pretty cool.

What I'm realizing is that I don't care,

as long as I can keep doing it

with you, Anderson.

Because I think you can.

I think you can look across

a crowded restaurant

and fall in love with a grubby stranger.

And I think love can be instantaneous

and insane.

So, Anderson,

for the last time I'm asking you...

Will you marry me?

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Yeah.

- Yes.

- Yes, say it!

Yes. Yes.

Yes!

Gotta go!

Let's go! Come on!

Take the van. The keys are on the hook.

- Take the van.

- Thank you.

You go, girl!

Bye!

Don't stop believing!

Believe, you gotta believe

Oh, you gotta believe

Got to believe

Yeah, yeah, got to believe

How do you feel? Nervous?

No. I feel good.

So let me ask you, when you met this guy,

did you know?

Yeah. I guess I did.

- I love you, Daddy.

- I love you too, Baby Bear.

Look at me, crying like a jailhouse b*tch.

Stop it.

Take care of my baby girl.

I will.

'Cause if you don't,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes