All About Steve Page #6

- Oh, yeah.

- [Beeps]

- He told me about the quoi.

He wouldn't shut his piehole about the quoi.

- But, you know, his bliss is tempered with fear.

- [Beeps]

- Oh.

- When you saw him today...

did he seem like a man

whose heart and loins were full of joy?

- Um-

- [Beeps]

L- I-I-I don't know. I don't know if- if-

- Mmm, no.

- No.

- It's because he's afraid, Mary.

- Oh.

He's afraid you're gonna... break his heart.

But I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that to Steve.

I could never do that.

- I'm incapable-

- Shh.

You rest those pretty little mouth pillows, huh?

You're gonna need 'em later

for all sorts of naughtiness.

What I need to know from you right now...

are you gonna stick around long enough

to help us work through Steve's fear?

- Oh. Of course. Of course. Yes.

- Ah.

- If he tells you to go, you don't go.

- Mm-hmm. No? Okay.

Mm-mmm. He starts throwing words around

like "cuckoo" and "loony" and "crazy"...

- that's his fear talking.

- Oh.

- All right?

- Okay. Okay. Yes.

If he tries to run away, I want you to grab him.

- Okay.

- And with the strength

that God gives you, hang on.

- Be calm and focused.

- Okay. Okay.

- You wanna know why?

- Why? Yeah. Why?

You're the rock in this relationship.

I'm the rock.

- You're the glue that holds it together.

- I'm the glue. Okay.

Right here. Look at me. Focus.

Are you gonna soldier on...

no matter what happens?

Of course.

- Of course.

- Good.

- [Sighs]

- You know what I see in those big, beautiful eyes?

Plica semilunaris secretions?

Do I have something in my eye?

Bravery.

Hmm. Well, I'm a little nervous.

- Now you go get your Steve on.

- Okay. Okay.

- [Angus] You said she was hyper?

- Yeah, she's really hyper.

That's good. That's good.

The calm and focused ones...

they keep all that bottled up inside,

and before you know it-

[Grunting]

You know? But as long as she's hyper,

you don't have to worry about it.

One thing she isn't is calm.

- [Whispering] Dude.

- Something you wanna tell me?

- Dude. Is that her?

- Hmm?

Is that her?

Oh.

Want some?

Okay.

- How'd she get in here?

- [Whispering] I don't know. She's calm.

Boy, did I miss you, Steven with a "V."

- Let's go for a talk outside.

- Okay. Walkie-talk.

- Right out here.

- Okay.

- [Whistling]

- All right.

- Oops. Yes?

- Okay.

- You can't stay here.

- Sure I can.

- No.

- That's the beauty of my job. I can send in...

- crossword puzzles from anywhere in the world.

- No. Listen. Listen. Okay.

- Listen to me.

- Mm-hmm?

I don't want you here. Okay?

But you said.

I said- I know- I'm a guy. Okay?

We say things we don't mean.

Well, then, how do I know

you mean what you're saying now...

- when you said you didn't mean

what you said? [Chuckles]

- That's crazy.

Well, see, that's your fear talking.

Why are you so calm?

How come you're not more hyper?

That's freaking me out a bit. I gotta be honest.

- Steve, it's all gonna be okay.

- I know it is, if you-

Maybe even wonderful.

- Hartman Hughes told me everything.

- What?

- I talked to Hartman Hughes.

- When did you talk to him?

- It doesn't matter.

- Did he- Did he come get you?

- Steve.

- Where is he? Hughes.

Steven, Steven, Steven, Steven. Come here.

Look at me. You here? Are you here with me?

- Okay.

- Focus. Right here. Okay? Look at me.

"Intimate relationships

cannot substitute for a life plan...

"but to have any meaning or validity at all...

a life plan must include intimate relationships."

Do you know who said that?

- Jesus?

- Harriet Lerner.

- Oh.

- Psychologist, lecturer and author...

of the timeless classic

Franny B. Kranny, There's a Bird in Your Hair!

- I was gonna run for governor, but-

- Hey, Hughes.

- Come here.

- Hey.

- Come here.

- Steve.

- Yes, sir.

- This another one of your pranks? Huh?

I don't know what you're into, lago,

but you better tell her the truth, okay?

I'm a newsman.

I'm incapable of saying anything but the truth.

Okay. Well, then tell her you lied and-

and that I really-

I don't want you here. I'm sorry.

Okay.

[Mouthing Words]

[Exhales Deeply]

- Sorry. Just...

- ## [Humming Softly]

Things didn't work out.

- [Mouthing Words]

- You're gonna find a great guy.

Baby.

[Murmuring]

What is that?

I want you guys to have a baby.

Why?

You guys belong together.

- I'm gonna hit you, man.

- Aw, come on.

You're not gonna hit the face of CCN-

[Groans]

Stop it! "Victory attained through violence

is tantamount to defeat, for it is momentary."

- This is what I'm talking about.

- Do you know who said it? Gandhi. Gandhi.

- What are you afraid of?

- What am I afraid of?

You don't want her to know about

"I heart Mary" carved in a tree trunk?

Why are you putting stuff like that in her head?

- You said that?

- No, I never said that.

Maybe you're afraid the great Hartman Hughes

is gonna steal her away.

- You're crazy!

- I'm like Helen ofTroy. No fights!

Hey, guys!

Baby Peggy's parents settled.

- Steve, your camera.

- Oh, Jesus, Angus!

- Sorry. Sorry.

- See what happens?

You mess with me, you mess with my boy.

- Mary, stay! Mary, stay!

- But you-

- Mary!

- [Man] Call the station.

- [Muffled] Mary!

- We're live in two minutes!

Tissue.

[Woman] With mere hours to spare,

the Agueros reconciled...

agreeing to halt surgery until Baby Peggy

is old enough to decide for herself.

It's time for the Agueros

to be a family once again.

So today, like the noble tree frog...

whose third leg is nothing if not natural...

Baby Peggy marches on with her three-legged life.

Steve! I'm coming. Excuse me.

Medical emergency.

Thank you. Please allow me through.

Possible concussion, could faint at any time.

- Steve, I'm coming.

- No, no. Ma'am, you can't go back there.

[Grunts, Groaning]

[Man]

Are you all right?

Could someone please help him?

Maybe apply a vasoconstrictor

or a nasal tampon? Please.

- She trying to kill me? She's trying to kill me.

- [Cell Phone Ringing]

This is Hartman Hughes report-

[Groans]

What the hell was that?

It's this girl who Steve invited, sir.

I didn't invite her. She's stalking me.

Never mind.

There's a hurricane off the coast ofTexas.

Get to it.

I'm sorry. It'll never happen again.

If you three weren't the closest crew to Galveston,

you'd be hitchhiking home by now.

- Yes, sir.

- Get off the phone.

[Hartman]

Did you hear that about the tree frog?

Every time she speaks, I smell anchor desk.

[Steve] I get it, Hartman. You're trying

to get back at me, but Mary's not the way.

She's insane. She tried to kill me.

Hartman, something's wrong with her.

- You didn't see that?

- You fell down. Boo-hoo.

I fell down? My legs were

taken out from under me.

What are you talking about? She's stalking me.

- [Angus] Dude, she's not stalking you.

- Steve!

Oh, sh*t!

Tell her I'm not here. Tell her I'm not here.

- Steve. Hi, guys.

- [Hartman] Hello, Mary.

Hi. I'm so sorry I was detained.

I was questioned by authorities about an apparent

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