All Out Dysfunktion! Page #6

You ain't no nigga.

Niggas can f***.

- But...

- There's a party downstairs,

and you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna go find me

a nigga that can f***.

F***in' faster than a computer.

I gotta go spend money

on a morning after pill.

Forty f***ing dollars

that you gonna pay for.

- But I...

- But what, squirt gun?

But I love you.

Oh, hell, no.

- Gator?

- Yes, sir.

- Get me some f***in' blow.

- Yes, sir.

- Make sure you get at

least an 8 ball. -Okay.

And keep your f***ing change

like you usually do.

Don't so f***ing...

damn it, ranjit,

why you gotta make me

feel this way?

This is my life.

This is what I do.

This is who I am, but I

didn't ask for this sh*t.

And I'm a f***ing ho.

I f*** for money.

It's really f***ing hard for me

to see what's real

and what's fake.

You don't know me, ranjit.

But I want to know.

You want to know

that my mom was a meth head?

And my dad used to have

his friends come over

when my mom was in the streets

to have his friends f*** me?

And I was taken away

by child services, okay?

And raised

in a f***ing white family.

F***ing white school

where everybody made fun of me.

Called me a nigga, a spook.

And sometimes I wish the voices

in my head would just stop

and I feel like a f***ing fake.

What else do you want to know?

My phula.

No, no, no, don't.

Don't feel bad for me.

This is my life.

This is what I chose,

so this is what I do.

And if there's anything genuine

about what you're saying to me,

then I have to let you know.

'Cause I'm not the one.

No.

I can't love you, ranjit.

I'm too busy trying

to f***ing love myself.

Boom!

What's up now, slut?

- F***ing b*tch.

- Yeah, b*tch.

Who fucks you now,

you f***ing whore?

That's for taking my f***ing

purse, you dirty little c*nt.

Yeah, f*** you,

you dirty house n*gger.

- Hello, no ring. Thank...

- gator!

Oh, Tyrell.

F***ing rad party, bro.

Yeah. Hey,

did anybody ever tell you

you look like Abraham Lincoln

with some serious bdsm going on?

- That's really interesting.

- Dude, that is the nicest thing

anyone has ever said to me.

Thank you.

Have you seen Carrie?

I need to find her right now.

- I did.

- Yes?

I did.

I saw her in the main room.

Great.

I will see you later.

Wait a second.

Are you okay?

You know, you are

really sweating profusely.

You should consider

the hospital.

Not a chance

you're getting me to leave

this place right here,

right now.

But what I do need

is for you to loosen up

the cheeks, okay?

So, let's get these guys hard,

we'll get this loose.

Meet me over here.

I'm gonna mix you up

a little cocktail

out of my two favorite colors,

pink and blue.

- We put 'em in a...

- I'm not doing that, gator.

It's kind of against

my upbringing.

put it in our nose.

And then we go blast off.

Pew, pew.

Okay, gator, look,

you should really

not consider mixing...

it's probably

really bad for you.

Maybe talk to the food

and drug administration.

Okay, you know what?

Here we go.

Let's reverse just a little bit,

right back to where i told you

never to tell me

how to live my life again.

That includes my drug use.

Number two, mixing things

is what brought you

into existence,

so let's not hate on it.

And, number three,

a little bit of e,

a little bit of v,

and you're gonna be solid, dude.

Solid like a rock.

- Oh, my god.

- Wow.

Oh, my god, that was amazing.

Brain boner, man.

Whoa.

Hey, hey, hey.

You got any ass plugs?

Okay, and from the coolest

to the weirdest.

I'm gonna go ahead

and get right on outta here.

You're weird.

No, no offense!

D batteries?

Greasy door?

Zucchini?

F***!

Oh, yes.

That feels good.

You should know better.

- You belong over there.

You don't even know

what love is.

Couldn't even hold it!

Like a child!

Why did you go away?

Don't f***ing push me.

Ah, f***!

This year.

This is my f***ing year,

motherf***er.

I swear to you.

Okay, seriously?

I'm gonna be

on a f***in' runway,

and by the time...

by this time next year,

I'm gonna be in f***ing Milan,

motherf***er.

- Shut the f*** up.

- F*** you, okay?

I didn't move to this goddamn

town to f***ing fail, all right?

Shut up.

Mm, that's f***ing good.

Mm.

My motherfucking passport

is gonna be stamped!

And everybody

in this goddamn town

is gonna know who I f***ing am,

and if anybody has

a f***ing problem with it,

well, they can suck

my f***ing dick.

Why don't I put my dick

in your mouth,

you f***ing b*tch? Huh?

- Yeah, my dick.

- My dick, b*tch.

No, my dick, motherfuck.

Get the f*** off.

- F*** you.

I got a lump.

Do you got anything to drink?

Yeah, I got that good sh*t

for you, b*tch.

Give it to me.

Give it to me.

F***in'... you're gross.

Seriously, f*** off.

Drink that sh*t, b*tch.

What is that salty sh*t?

- What the f***?

- That's that Mr. moist, baby.

- What?

- It's that g, b*tch.

That's f***ing g?

What the f*** is wrong with...

get the f*** off me, f***.

What's wrong with you?

Why would you

f***ing give that to me?

Get the f*** away from me,

seriously.

- Get away from me. Get away from me.

- What's the matter, b*tch?

No.

Get the f*** off me.

Ah, feel that.

Feel that sh*t.

Yeah, feel that sh*t.

Get the f*** off me.

Jiminy cricket,

you are enormous.

- Whew. -Where do you

think you're going?

Just directly behind you

to get back to my room.

- You need a stamp. -I live

there, my room's there.

I take a poop behind the tree

over there every single morning.

How many rooms are back there?

Four, with a door

that leads to a secret garden.

All right, but don't let me

find out you lied to me.

- See this hand?

- Yeah.

Thirty pounds of pressure.

Together with this hand?

Forty pounds of pressure

per square inch.

Crush your head like a grape.

Now move it along.

Pumpkins.

Peacocks.

You're gonna find

a n*gger to f***?

Huh? You're gonna find

a n*gger to f***?

Yeah.

I'm gonna find somebody

to f***, too.

Wait, whoa, whoa.

You're Tyrell.

- Yeah. -How long you been here?

- F***ing a!

We're supposed to get together

and hang out tonight.

I didn't think... she actually

talked about that?

Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Julliard, right?

- Yes!

Oh, f***in' a!

Dude, this calls

for a f***ing

celebratory experience.

Let's do

a f***ing elephant tusk.

Whoo!

Okay, I don't know what that is,

- but it sounds like a lot of fun.

- F***in' a, man.

I'm so happy you're here.

I got so much to tell you.

I'm so f***ing excited

to work with you, baby.

- Wow. -Talented actor,

good-looking f***in' guy.

We're gonna make so much

f***in' money in this town.

- Oh, oh, okay. -I'm gonna

make you a f***in' star.

Yeah, that's...

that's not my cup of tea.

Vinnie, Vinnie.

Whoa, that's a lot.

- That's a lot. That looks like Alaska.

- T, baby,

how the f*** are we supposed

to work together

if we don't do the same sh*t?

Here's your chance to be

a motherfuckin' star, man.

We are at the top

of the agency chain.

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