All Roads Lead to Rome Page #4

Here.

Here you are.

Ay, yeah.

Ah.

It's better, right?

You're a bad person.

Good body, but bad person.

E' Cos Chiaro.

Oh, god.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, lord have mercy.

Please stop.

Stop, I beg you.

I beg you, stop.

Oh! Do you see that?

Right there.

Where are they?

I don't know. Summer!

Mamma!

Summer!

They've gotta be here somewhere.

Summer!

Now, the car.

I have forbici.

Forbi-what?

Forbici.

Go.

Oh! Summer!

Mamma! No!

No! Wait! No!

Summer, please!

Ferma!

Summer. Let's go.

Oh, my god. Our tires.

What? Are you kidding me?

How much further is it?

Not far.

Solo un'ora.

An hour?

You'll have plenty of time.

Are you nervous?

Mm.

Not as nervous

as you would have been

if you'd been forced to keep living

with your overprotective son.

I know how that feels.

You don't know.

Sei solo

Una Bambina capricciosa.

You think you know,

but you know nothing yet.

Hey, just because I haven't

lived as long as you

doesn't mean that my emotional

life is any less advanced.

For your information,

I happen to love Tyler

just as much as you

love your old man.

Ok.

Maggie,

we should call the police,

no matter what you think.

Ok?

My god.

I'm such a terrible mother.

I tried. I tried.

I really tried.

I don't know.

Where did I go wrong?

First you stole

her phone, and then...

Yes, I know that.

I'm talking about in general.

How did it all come to this?

I think he is right.

You should call the police.

Hey, I saw it on television.

Everybody did.

Your daughter is

a celebrity now,

the most wanted,

top criminale.

What the...

Out of gas.

Can we walk to a gas station?

What you think?

Here, there's nothing, nothing.

What about that?

I'm going over.

What if they recognize me?

You careful,

no one will see you.

You take Benzina

from the tractor.

Yeah, but how?

E' tanto difficile?

You go to the tractor,

open tank,

and steal Benzina.

Great.

Come on!

Hurry up!

Come on!

Eh!

Nonna-napper?

Nonna-napper is kidnapper?

No. No, no, no.

It's just about telling a story.

What did you tell them?

Nothing.

Well, she's describing

summer as if...

As if she's, like,

this dangerous criminal,

and your mother is, like,

"oh, she's this helpless woman

who was tragically

stolen against her will."

At this rate, summer will rot

in an Italian jail for years.

Heh. If we don't

find them in time,

she will rot

in an American jail.

Same deal, worse food.

Oh, ha ha.

Yeah, make a joke.

It's hilarious.

You don't seem to get it!

Your mother is as much

a part of this as summer!

She has manipulated

this whole thing.

Oh, my mother?

Yes, your mother... My mother.

Is one serious b*tch,

and she always has been.

Don't say that...

It's true.

It's true.

It's true.

Valentina.

S, pronto.

Marcellino Gaspari.

You're not gonna believe this.

My mother thinks she's getting

married today at 3:00.

What? To who?

There was a man

who filled her head

with a lot of nonsense

when she was young.

He got her

to run away from home,

and now he's after her again.

She must have been

totally brainwashed.

Oh, I think she knows

exactly what she's doing.

Do you know where?

No, I don't know. In Rome,

but Valentina's

trying to find out more.

What time is it?

Almost 2:
00.

E' impossibile

I'm so sorry, Carmen.

Marcellino, what he think?

Non lo so.

Che Fortuna.

I'm gonna get this guy

to stop, no matter what.

Good. Show leg.

Show my leg? Yes.

Is that a cultural thing?

Sexual, cross-cultural, cross...

I think my natural

charms will be enough.

Hey! Stop!

Mamma Mia.

What? What?! No.

And now what?

I supposed to let a

greasy farmer feel me up?

Ciao.

Sorry about the, uh, "whoo."

Actually, it was her idea.

Don't apologize.

I liked it.

Salve. Salve.

And you are the mother of...

Summer Falk. Yes.

The same woman featured in

the news as a nonna-napper?

Well, that's not accurate.

But she did take this man's

car without his consent,

and at the same time,

she kidnapped his mother.

Well, no. No, she wanted

to be kidnapped.

No, I mean,

she didn't want to be...

She didn't want to be kidnapped,

but she's been trying to get...

It says here that she claimed to

be a kidnapper at the airport.

What?

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

No.

I said I kidnapped her.

Oh, you kidnapped her.

Yes. No, no, no.

I mean, I didn't kidnap her.

I was saying it, like, as a...

You know, just as a joke.

You know, as a joke.

You know, like...

As a joke.

It's funny. Like ha ha ha.

Can you please provide her

physical characteristics, please?

Sure. Sure. Um...

She's, um... She's 5'3",

and, um, she has blue eyes.

Uh, she has

a couple of piercings.

I mean, they're very minor,

not as bad as it sounds.

Um, and, uh...

She has a tattoo.

A tattoo?

One or two,

but they're very

innocuous thematically.

You know, she has a...

It's, like...

She has a butterfly,

and she has a cute little...

Skull.

Yeah. I mean, it's...

They're teenagers,

so you... what are you gonna do?

Yeah. Uh, criminal records?

Well, um, it's a little

bit of a gray area,

I mean, legally speaking,

'cause she's not a...

At the airport, she claimed

to have no criminal past.

Look, are you going to help me?

Criminal records, please.

Um...

All right, there

were these rabbits.

Rabbits?

Yes, and they needed

to be liberated.

Hello.

Maggie. Hello.

The marriage will be

at the Chiesa Santa

Caterina dei Funari.

Ok. Tell Luca.

He must hurry. Yeah.

Grazie.

Chiesa Santa Caterina

dei Funari.

Maggie!

Look. Roma.

Wow.

Perfect hiding place for the

kidnapper of la nonna, right?

What? Relax.

I admire you.

You do?

Yeah.

You know those farmer

dudes with the chickens?

They are my neighbors.

I run an ecological farm

in the next valley,

but those men,

they are a**holes,

treat their chickens like sh*t.

I'm glad you liberated them.

Actually, it wasn't

planned this time.

We just needed some gas

so we could get to Rome.

She's got a hot date

at some Chiesa, you know?

But I guess, in a way,

you could say

that's a higher purpose.

And what about you?

You also have a hot date?

No.

I...

Kinda got a boyfriend

back home, but...

Too bad.

Here we are.

Do you...

Are you on Facebook,

by any chance?

I'll find you.

Hey, Rome, huh?

Let's do as the Romans don't.

I know I will.

Do you know your way around?

S, s. It's not so far.

That's great. Marcellino will

be so buzzed to see you.

Tyler will be buzzed, too, no?

Yeah.

Now I guess I'll go find

an airport bus or something.

Come on. Let's get out of here.

Oh, Scusi. Scusi.

Uh, chiesa...

Chiesa Santa Caterina?

It's a church.

Excuse me. Chiesa Santa cat...

Thanks. Santa Caterina?

Oh, um, dove...

Uh, you know where,

uh, Chiesa Santa Caterina

dei funari...

Chiesa... it's a church.

This way?

Ah, Grazie, Grazie.

Uh, Molto Bella, Grazie.

Don't worry about it, lady.

Oh, thank you.

Hello.

Maggie.

Maggie.

Dove? Ok.

S.

Giulia.

Ok.

A la Santa Caterina dei Funari.

Come on.

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