Almost Adults Page #3

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So, trust me, the ladies

are gonna be all over you.

Okay.

I have to pick a theme.

How about sports?

Oh, my god, perfect.

Lesbians love sports.

How do you know all this stuff?

Tumblr, duh.

Hey, I'm MacKenzie,

recently out, just turned 22.

I like comics,

puppies, and astronomy.

I love you.

Yeah, that's all I got.

Whatever, nobody reads

that stuff anyways.

They're more interested

in your selfies.

- Gimme your phone.

- Oh.

Mmm.

Okay, do, like,

a sexy pouty face,

but look like you aren't trying.

Can you like crinkle

your nose a little bit?

More lips.

Like you're not taking

a sh*t though.

Now smile through your eyes.

Oh god, less smizing.

Eww. They just keep

getting worse.

Okay, maybe I can find a decent

picture you already took

and then make it look

better on Instagram.

- Okay.

- Okay, umm...

Oh, this one.

This is perfect.

Okay, I'm just going

to crop Cassie out.

Voila, it's live.

I'll give it a week, and you'll have

a Tumblr girlfriend in no time.

So, how's Cassie?

I haven't seen

that b*tch in weeks.

She's good.

She's been really busy

with her internship

and school stuff.

And, how'd she take

it when you told her?

Told her what?

That you decided

to join the LPGA.

I have not told her yet.

I'm sorry, what?

I mean, she's gotta know.

She has to know.

I mean, look at you.

I'm pretty good at hiding

my lesbianism, Levi.

I've been doing it for 22 years.

Oh, honey, no.

No, you haven't.

Well, whatever.

Cassie doesn't know.

Well, what are you waiting for?

She's your best friend.

She isn't gonna care.

I know that she's

not going to care,

it's just...

I don't know.

I'm worried about making

things change between us.

Like, what if she

does get weirded out?

I'm worried about

screwing things up.

You're being way too dramatic.

Trust me, she isn't gonna care.

I mean, it's worse

that you're lying to her.

I'm not lying to her,

I just haven't

told her the truth.

Tell her.

You don't want her finding

out from somebody else.

And besides, I'm sure she

knows you're a hundred footer.

Why does everyone

keep saying that?

Why do lesbians like this stuff?

I have no clothes.

I have nothing.

Looks to me like you're

wearing clothes.

I need to go shopping.

What are you doing today?

Nothing. And, no, I will

not go shopping with you.

Yes, you are.

I can't go by myself.

Call Levi, he misses you.

Plus, I'm sure I'm sure he

wants any excuse to skip class.

I did call Levi and he's busy.

- So, I'm your backup?

- You're always my backup.

Well, find someone else

because I am not going.

- Yes, you're going.

- No, I'm not.

I'll buy you a pretzel.

Love it.

Yellow is so your color.

Buy it, let's go.

I don't know if I like

the pattern.

Oh, like, that's

the style I want.

Yeah, her pant-top

combination was just great,

and then with the shoes,

it just came together

really nicely.

You're right, I should have

brought Levi.

Duh.

Oh, what about this one?

I love them all.

I'm so bored.

My legs hurt, I wanna sit down.

I did not buy you a pretzel

so you could complain

the whole time.

This is the thousandth

store we've been in.

I don't even know what

you're looking for anymore.

Dresses, pants, shoes,

you've tried on everything.

I just got out of

a serious relationship.

I need to get rid of things

that remind me of Matthew.

So, everything.

Yes.

I want a cinnamon bun, too.

- Fine.

- Yes.

Hmm.

I don't know, I'll just

try on both of them.

Is it too summery?

I don't know, it's hot out,

so I don't think you're

going to be cold in that.

Yeah, but it's spring.

- So? -So, is it too

summery for spring?

I'm so lost right now.

I don't know.

I think it's too summery.

I'm going to try

on the other one.

Okay. No problem, I'll just

stand here, dying of hunger.

Mac.

Hi, how are you?

Matthew, my clothes.

Yeah, here.

So, uh, are you

with Cassie here?

Uh...

I don't know?

What?

You... you don't know?

What about this one,

but with, like, a belt?

Uh...

Hi.

Hi.

I don't know about this one.

Do I look fuckable?

Like who would

f*** me in this? No one.

No one would f*** you

in that dress.

That was, like, really weird.

How long are you going to be?

Your little cousin seems

like a wonderful person.

She... she's not my...

My cousin.

Uh, MacKenzie, could you

come in here for a sec?

I, uh, think my dress is stuck.

Why did you let me

try on this dress?

I look like an idiot.

I told you to bring Levi.

I don't know anything

about this sh*t.

I only came for

the god damn pretzel

that was promised to me.

Who the f***

is that girl he's with?

I'd take a wild guess

and say it's his new girlfriend.

So nice of him to wait like

five minutes after I dump him.

Don't worry,

she's just a rebound girl.

She seems dumb as f***

and a total

high-maintenance b*tch.

Oh, wait he dated you,

so you should worry.

Guess who just got

their cinnamon bun taken away.

You wouldn't.

God, I can't believe

he saw me in this dress.

You're just gonna change?

Okay, great.

Are they still out there?

Yeah.

We are staying in here

until they leave.

Oh, yeah, because that's not

going to look weird or anything.

Can I use your phone to swipe

left to get rid of the uglies?

Ugh.

Eh.

Oh, god.

You wanted to speak with me?

I heard you broke up

with your boyfriend.

I know that's probably why

your grades have been slipping.

That is so unbelievably

creepy that you know that.

I know you're smarter than that,

so I wouldn't worry

about it too much.

Okay, thanks.

Just a reminder, though,

you won't be

graduating in spring

if you fail one more assignment,

because then you're going

to fail this class.

Are you shitting me,

Dr. Reese?

So when you told me

not to worry,

you actually meant

that I should worry?

Maybe Matthew can tutor you.

We broke up.

Oh, that's right.

That's where this

conversation began.

Okay, thank you for this talk.

Look, my door is always open

during my designated

office hours.

That's 7:
00 to 8:00 A.M. every

first Saturday of the month.

Cool.

Hey.

Hi.

Okay, so, you need

to help me out.

My teammates over there...

Don't look.

They bet me twenty bucks that

I couldn't get your number.

Don't look!

And like, not only do I

really want the twenty bucks,

but they're always

making fun of me

because I always

blow it with girls

and they think I need

a girlfriend

or just like more experience,

and now I'm completely

over-sharing,

so if you could

like laugh really loud

and pretend I've said

something super funny

and maybe look like you're

thinking about being into me...

They bet that you

couldn't get my number?

Yeah, well, a straight girl's.

You think I'm straight?

So, can you give me your number?

Or a number? I promise I'm not

going to text you or anything.

Yeah. Well, I actually

have this number

that's like this

fake phone number,

that you give to people

when they hit on you.

And you don't wanna actually

give them your number,

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