Almost Christmas Page #4

---

Cut that out! It's freezing out here.

Let's get in the house!

Auntie, please. Can we stay

for just a little bit longer?

Please, Mommy?

All right.

But the minute he's done,

you come inside, okay?

Okay, Mommy.

Okay, bunny.

Okay.

Careful, Lonnie!

Whatever.

I got this. Uncle Lonnie

got this for you, okay?

Uncle Lonnie said

he would do it...

Ooh!

Get out! Ow! Ow!

Whoo!

I got a little buzz

on my finger that time.

Does Uncle Lonnie know

what he's doing?

No.

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!

It's working!

He actually got it!

Great job, Uncle Lonnie.

Who's the man?

Uncle Lonnie!

That's what it's all about!

Ding, ding, ding-

Ding, ding, ding-

Good job, Uncle Lonnie!

Good job! You actually did it!

I did not let the Grinches

ruin Christmas for you.

Uncle Lonnie!

Uncle Lonnie!

That's not good.

Oh! Sh*t!

Sh*t!

Oh, sh*t!

Ho-ho-ho!

Uncle Lonnie killed Santa!

- Hold it! Hold it!

- Mommy!

Did you get that?

I just posted it.

- Good.

- Mommy!

Don't tell Cheryl.

Do not tell Cheryl, okay?

Uncle Lonnie has it, okay?

Sh*t!

My gosh!

Sh*t!

Is he still breathing?

We should take a selfie.

Don't tell Cheryl.

Hmm.

You could tell me

where the tin is.

Thought I heard somebody

down here.

Hey, sweetheart.

Hey.

HEY-

God, she had the best smile.

Yeah, she had the best everything.

It's good to have you

home. Yeah.

I wish you and Cheryl

were getting along better.

Yeah.

Been that way

since we were kids.

I don't know, I mean, I guess even in

family sometimes people just don't fit.

You should have seen how I used

to fight with my big brother.

I know you're not trying to make

Mom's sweet potato pie, are you?

There's never been a Meyers

Christmas without it.

And if I'm going to make it,

I'm going to make it right.

The top five in the

draft were supposed to be a lock.

However, now that doctors

have cleared Evan Meyers

to play in

the upcoming bowl game,

that changes everything, everybody.

That changes everything!

He may be naughty, but the

boy's game is real nice.

Poetic injustice, good morning.

Look. It's the accident child

in his natural habitat.

He's unfunny and, therefore,

a liability to the pride.

It's a shame, he won't make it.

I was not an accident.

Everyone has their fourth child

in their 50s. That's common.

You better not

shrink from the spotlight.

Merry Christmas, young man.

Merry Christmas.

Hey. Evan.

You locked me out.

What?

You locked me out!

What? I can't hear you.

What happened?

Evan, quit playing.

I am freezing out here,

and I'm in my underwear.

Oh! I'm sorry.

It must have been an accident.

Evan. Evan!

I'm melting!

Evan! Evan!

Happy Kwanzaa, Mrs. Olakanday.

Mmm-hmm.

Evan! Evan! Evan!

Okay.

Oh!

No!

Evan, come on. Evan?

Come on. Evan? Evan! I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're not an accident.

Evan, don't be like this.

Don't be like this.

God does not like ugly, Evan.

Evan, please.

Please, please. Come on!

Twigs. You need some help?

No, I'm fine.

Is there a reason you have a

tattoo that says "sesame chicken"?

It does not say

"sesame chicken," okay?

If you were more cultured,

you would know that it says

"Unbreakable" in Mandarin.

Well, I actually took Mandarin

for a semester in college,

I'm pretty sure it says

"sesame chicken."

Stop looking at my ass.

You know what? You're right.

You got it.

I think it says, "Free fortune

cookie with delivery."

Really?

Let me try to get you

out of here.

No! No, no, no.

It's not that kind of party! Okay?

It's not that kind of party.

Let me use two hands. I just...

Get from behind me!

No! No!

Get... Get from behind me! No!

Just...

Hold on.

Back up off of my butt!

No! No! No!

There you go.

You okay?

Yeah. I'm good.

What's wrong with you?

I'm good. Okay?

I got it.

You Okay?

Evan, I'm going to kill you!

Phew! Everybody

got everything?

Hey, Mom.

Hey.

Hey, Aunt Rachel.

Look who's up!

How was your morning?

Don't ask.

Hey, baby girl.

Hey.

We got a lot of food.

I see this.

I swear, if I close my eyes,

I can almost see her in here

like it was yesterday.

The thought of having Christmas

dinner without her...

Thought of cooking Christmas

dinner without her...

She was a great cook.

Guess it runs in the family.

You need a cough drop, baby?

It's a shame

we can't find her recipes.

- Where are they?

- Who knows?

She stashed them in a tin

around here somewhere.

That's right.

You know,

I saw her make those recipes a

million times. I should know them.

I just always thought

she'd be here.

She is here.

She's in every pot,

in every pan, every cabinet,

and every drawer.

We are all standing

on holy ground.

This is the Church of Grace.

Y'all didn't hear me?

This is the Church of Grace!

Hallelujah!

In the Church of Grace,

we need music.

Let's get that music, Miss Niya.

Thank you, Jesus!

Let's do it!

Put your music on, Miss Niya.

Here we go.

Let's see what

you gonna work with.

This is not church dancing!

Don't you get down!

Don't you get down!

Come on, Mom.

Give it to 'em.

Show 'em what you got.

All right, Aunt May. Show Aunt

May what you're working with.

What do y'all know

about this stuff?

You got my jam!

Sonya, you better get your

titties off my back, girl,

with your non-dancing ass!

Right here.

Cheryl! Cheryl!

Do our routine!

Wait, let me get my shoes off!

That's it!

Okay, that's enough of that.

We got it.

What? What?

Let Aunt May play

some real music.

Okay, there go mine.

Remember that? Remember that?

Remember, Aunt May taught y'all

that when y'all was little girls?

Remember that? Come on.

What you got?

Bring it back. Bring it back.

Now take it low.

What? What? Now pop that.

All right.

I'm doing second round.

- Come on. Come on.

- Here we go.

Now, take it back. Come on.

Bring it back. Come on.

Pump that.

Remember? Step! Bring it up.

Here it goes!

There it goes!

Now, take it back!

Come on, Aunt May.

Wait, Aunt May,

you been drinking again?

Join us, Pop-pop.

You gotta move it.

Daddy, Daddy!

Come on, Walter.

Bring your old ass in here.

Go, Daddy. Go, Daddy.

Go, Daddy.

Get 'em, Pop! Show 'em!

Push, Lonnie. Dang!

Push with your legs.

Y'all did it.

That's the biggest tree

I've ever seen.

We've had bigger, sweetie.

Yeah!

Like the year Mom

let Evan pick the tree.

It was so big we had to saw off the

top just to get it in the house.

What did you do with

the other half you sawed off?

We stood it up next to the bigger half.

We had two trees that year.

You're welcome, by the way.

Like your mother always said,

"The bigger the tree..."

"The bigger the love!"

Man.

Yeah.

Look here. I'm going to go into the

garage and get the ornaments. Okay?

You need some help, Daddy?

I'm all right, sweetie.

All right.

All right, y'all. Well, let's

bring this thing to life.

Yes. Christian, go get

some water for the tree.

I can't. I gotta go meet

Brooks in town square.

Well, the kids would love to go

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes