Almost Christmas Page #7

---

Rachel.

Rachel Meyers.

Do we know each other?

Jasmine.

Chloe's little sister.

From high school.

Yeah, right!

Right. How is she?

She's good. She's coaching

women's basketball at Kansas.

Nice!

Yeah.

Wow! You look the same.

Like no time passed.

How have you been?

Seem to be blowing up

over there.

Boyfriend?

Um...

He just invited me to Chicago

for the weekend.

Must be nice.

$8.49.

He can't get enough of you.

Do you mind?

He's so cute.

Look how perfect

we are together.

Sh*t.

That's what I said.

Want to see another?

Um... Oh!

Yeah. Confirmation

of your love.

I was hoping I wouldn't have

to spend Christmas alone.

But he's got to take care

of his Grandma Cheryl.

She's really old.

Yeah.

I had an old

Grandma Cheryl once.

She was a mean, old b*tch.

You said you were going

to be alone on Christmas?

Yeah.

You don't have to be.

I don't?

Nope.

Our family has

so much love to give.

Obviously.

That's what's up.

Some game, huh?

Yeah.

Hey, don't worry

about what your sister said.

Being single isn't bad.

Thanks. Feel a lot better.

What is wrong with you?

You know, nothing.

Except that you keep trying to act

like we're cool when we're not.

Why aren't we cool?

Really?

Belinda "Big teeth"?

Who?

Your prom date? Horse face?

Her teeth weren't really that big.

She had a small mouth.

And, okay, I took her to the prom.

What's the big problem?

You took her to the prom!

That's the problem.

After you canceled on me

at the last minute.

Like you even wanted

to go with me!

Why do you think

I asked you to go?

I heard him.

Heard who?

Your dumb jock friend.

He was laughing about how easy it would

be for the star basketball player

to take his nerdy next-door

neighbor to bed that night.

I heard him. And you just

let him talk about me.

You didn't say anything!

You're right. I didn't.

And neither did he

after I broke his nose.

That's how Damien

broke his nose?

You would have known if you weren't

such a dramatic little princess.

You would have known why I canceled

if you weren't such a dumb jock.

Wouldn't have mattered anyway

'cause there wouldn't have been enough

room in the limo for the three of us.

The three of us?

Yeah.

Me, you, and your ego.

Oh. We'd have fit.

Because your low self-esteem doesn't

take up too much real estate.

You know what?

I'm glad we didn't go.

That makes two of us. It

would've been a terrible night.

Worst prom ever.

Absolute worst!

It would have been

a horrible night.

Awful.

Ooh!

Okay. Here.

Aunt May, I gotta go

to the bathroom.

Hold it. Aunt May

is in concert, baby.

You don't interrupt

Aunt May's concerts.

Just hold it

a little longer, Cam.

Is Cameron all right?

That food is still running

through him.

Heaven and nature sing

Heaven and nature sing

I've been sipping!

This is good to me.

Ah!

Come on.

It's getting me up

outta my seat!

You feel that?

You sound beautiful, Aunt May.

I'm gonna go ahead

and let Cameron sip some.

Hell no.

Double the temperature,

half the time.

Boom!

You've got to finish strong, baby.

I haven't even done

my small business speech yet.

That's our "Yes, We Can" speech.

I don't know what's in that

speech, but just keep saying it

because you're now

the growth candidate.

That means

that you are going to be...

What the hell is this?

The rezoning's going to happen

with or without me, Pop.

They don't need my support.

Our prime purpose in life...

If I plan to get into office, I

need theirs... is to help others.

If you can't help them, at the

very least, don't hurt them.

But if I do not get elected into

office, how can I help, Pop?

Great progress

requires great sacrifice.

Did you come up

with that yourself?

Or did your campaign manager

write it for you?

People figure it out, Pop.

They always figure it out.

Your mother was seven years

old when your aunt was born.

Pop, please don't bring

Mom into this.

Your grandparents

were having a tough time

and having another mouth to

feed didn't make it any easier.

They ended up losing their home.

And moving into a shelter.

That shelter.

That's why it was

so important to her.

So the next time you talk

about people figuring it out,

remember, one of those people

was your mother.

Oh, my God!

What the hell?

My macaroni and cheese!

It was going to be disgusting.

I did you a favor.

Well, then do me a damn favor.

Don't burn down the damn house!

'Got it!

Damn!

Lonnie!

I'm sorry, Aunt May.

What the hell did you all do?

And you done sprayed some sh*t

on me, Lonnie?

I ought to whip your ass.

You raise your goddamn...

Shut up!

You can't afford to buy me

no more outfits like this.

This my damn Chaka Khan.

Chaka Khan. Chaka Khan!

Five days.

I knew it was going to be tough.

But I said, "Surely the

children she loved so much

"and damn near gave her life for

"would find a way

to make it work."

Obviously, I was wrong.

And disappointed.

I expect you all

will clean this up.

I'll tell you what. I'll be the better

man between the both of us. Okay?

I'm sorry.

You going to be the better man

between the both of us?

There! Messed up

my damn Chaka Khan wig.

You see what happened just now?

Do you see what happened?

You don't do that to a man!

That wasn't no man I did it to.

Here, you take this rag.

You old big-lipped son of a b*tch.

You take that one.

Good luck.

No. Don't even try, Christian.

I'm not the one who tried to

deep-fry the whole kitchen, am I?

No. And I don't think I was making the

blackeroni and cheese over there.

So I think we should just go.

You want some pizza

and wings or something?

You know I gotta watch

my carbs, right?

That's fine.

They got that high school cheerleader

menu you can order from.

Shut up, dude.

It's all good.

Right?

Okay, I'm done.

Great!

So now, I can remake

the macaroni you ruined.

No. I'm going to make

the dressing you ruined.

Rachel, you're being ridiculous.

No. I need to get my stuff.

Rachel, stop.

You always do this.

I need all this.

Why are you taking my stuff?

I need the noodles.

No.I need...

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Mom's fried chicken.

"Always use

a cast iron skillet."

That's why mine

never turned out right.

Yeah, she did.

Buttermilk biscuits.

Christian would kill for this.

And Brooks would kill us.

Let's give it to him.

Carbs!

Her collard green recipe.

Smoked turkey necks,

half a cup of sugar,

and a pinch of bugs.

Bugs.

So amazing.

Did you find

the sweet potato pie recipe?

Oh, God. Mom made it so often I

don't even think she wrote it down.

Look at this.

Wow.

Aw!

I think I'm going

to go outside for a minute.

What's up? It's your girl,

Jazz. Leave a message.

Hey, Jasmine. It's Rachel.

Look, I made a mistake

in inviting you to dinner.

And I'm really sorry.

And I hope it doesn't totally

screw up your whole day.

Merry Christmas.

There's maybe

more sugar, butter.

It looks like Grace's.

Will it taste like it?

Let's see.

What are you doing here?

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes