Almost Christmas Page #8

---

Me and bunny were elected

to tell you that

everyone is really sorry.

They say you wouldn't be mad

at me 'cause I'm too cute.

And they are right.

You all ready for Santa?

Am I'.

I get to see all my presents,

and eat all the dessert I want,

and not get in trouble.

And Nana's sweet potato pie

is my favorite.

Mine too.

I just hope my version

doesn't disappoint everyone.

So far, it hasn't been

going that good.

Are you smiling

when you make it?

When Nana cooked,

she always smiled.

You haven't smiled a lot,

Pop-pop.

When I get sad,

I just think about all the

things that make me happy.

And then I smile.

Maybe you should try it.

Maybe I will.

Hot!

What do you think, love?

Eggs.

Just a little bit of cinnamon.

Now, remember that. Little bit.

Sweet vanilla.

All right?

And nutmeg.

That's the bomb.

I can't remember how much milk

you put in this.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Hey, yo, Pops.

Santa came early.

Oh, man.

You want some

sweet potatoes, baby?

30. Daddy?

Hmm?

How do you like the cranberry salad?

Pretty good, huh?

Very good.

I made the stuffing.

Do you like it?

Tasty.

Cheryl, would you like some?

Yes. I would, Rachel.

That's very nice of y'all.

There you go.

I'm going to be a copycat.

Thank you.

I want some stuffing too.

You can't get

enough stuffing, can you?

Sure can't.

Let me get that.

Do you want some stuffing, baby?

Boy, I'm a grown-ass woman.

Cameron, you mind passing me

the green beans, please?

Don't eat too much.

We should save some for

the shelter. Right, Granddad?

That's right, buddy.

This is really delicious.

Listen, if I promise not to cook,

can we do it again tomorrow?

Oh. Careful. Watch the floors

there, Cam.

Never know when

we gotta resell. Right, Pops?

Right.

If you want to get scratches out of

wood floors, here's a little trick.

You get some shoe polish

and some Crisco oil.

Get a pair of old underwear.

Wrap the old underwear around

your hand, nice and tight,

and you buff it out.

Put a little muscle to it.

Buff it out real good.

I'm sure you got a pair of old

underwear lying around, Walter.

Little trick I learned

over in Croatia.

Listen.

I'ma stab your ass with this fork.

Do you hear me?

I would love that.

Evan.

What's going on with you? You've

been moping around all day.

Nothing, yo. I guess

I just lost my appetite.

Well, that's never

happened before.

I love the new paint

on the porch, Pops.

Evan, we were talking to you.

And the hedges.

You've been meaning to clean those

up for a while now. It's nice.

I guess you finally

got around to it now, huh?

Yeah.

I guess I did.

You know they have these new

fiberglass gutters, right?

- Lonnie, shut your ass up.

- Lonnie, please.

Now, damn!

Evan, baby,

what you talking about?

What am I talking about?

Tell 'em, Dad. Tell everybody

what it is I'm talking about.

Wait a minute.

What the hell is going on?

Dad, you're selling the house?

No. You're joking, right?

You did this without

saying anything to us?

Cheryl, give that to me.

That's not what that is.

Let me see this.

Come on now, Walter.

You know you should've

said something to somebody.

Pop, Mom would have

spoken to everyone in this house

before she made

that kind of decision.

Mom wouldn't even think

about selling the house.

This is the family home.

It's my house.

Let me tell y'all something.

I understand...

We're just a little confused.

It's really sudden, Dad.

It's my house.

Why would you

even consider that?

It's my house!

I'm supposed to ask your

permission to sell my house?

Evan, baby. Get him.

Evan!

Evan, come back!

Well, at least we know

it can't get any worse.

I'll get it.

Hey, everybody,

there's a lady named Jasmine.

She says

she's Aunt Rachel's friend.

Hey!

Hey!

What are you doing here?

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

You invited me.

I did. Did you not

get my message?

No. Oh.

Um...

I never check my voicemails.

I'm a texter.

What was it?

Am I not supposed...

No. No.

I just wanted to make sure

you brought something.

And you did!

You're a mind reader.

This is great.

Jasmine,

this is my family.

Family, this is Jasmine.

Okay, we have names.

That's sister, father,

brother, sister-in-law, child.

Nice to meet you all.

- You can sit right here.

- Welcome.

Why would you do that?

Why would I do that?

Why would you do that?

What are you trying to do?

Break up a happy home?

Obviously, it's not that happy

if you are banging the cashier

from the Piggly Wiggly.

You invited her to Christmas

dinner with your sister.

Who does that?

Who does what?

Who puts paprika

in potato salad?

Who does that?

Everybody.

Not my family.

We don't put paprika on potato salad.

We just don't do that.

Okay, Lonnie, you're being

ridiculous. Come on.

I'm talking to your sister

about the potato salad.

Okay, we're in the middle

of Christmas dinner.

You can talk to her later.

Okay.

Come on now. Come on.

Help me!

Okay. You like

them brownies, don't you?

This must be a special recipe.

I love your home, by the way.

Yeah? Thank you.

It's so beautiful.

I really think

you should. They're very good.

I already had 'em, baby.

Really pretty.

I love your family.

Thank you.

I still have some.

That's okay.

That's okay.

Yeah, they are good.

Is there any more dressing?

No dressing on this table.

I'm going to go grab some.

Lonnie, sit down.

Lonnie?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

What are you doing here?

Rachel, you know Lonnie.

I'd love some ham. Thank you.

Some ham?

How about I just stick a slice

at a time in your mouth?

You were trying to surprise me.

That is so sweet.

So, you two know each other?

Yeah, well, when you called me

from the supermarket

when I was getting those ingredients

for the banana pudding.

Bananas, the vanilla,

the vanilla wafers.

It's not every day around here you

run into a professional athlete

who invites you to spend

a weekend in Chicago.

- What is going on?

- And you definitely don%run

into people nice enough to invite you

to such a beautiful Christmas dinner.

So, Rachel knew that you knew Lonnie

when she invited you to our dinner?

Mmm-hmm.

I got a little toothache here.

Orajel.

You were saying?

Well...

See, she recognized him

from one of our pictures.

Oh!

There's pictures!

Sh*t!

You got a Instagram?

Want to see?

No.

I'd love to.

Are you getting this?

How sweet!

Right?

Just cute.

Christian?

Oh. Uh... Don't swipe left.

I was thinking Lonnie and I wouldn't

get to spend Christmas together

because of his grandma.

Cheryl?

Oh! Sh*t!

Sh*t!

Hey, Cameron,

you and Niya take

your sister downstairs.

Finish your meal

down there, okay?

- But I didn't even get to see the pictures.

- Now!

I need to see these pictures.

You get your plate.

- And you get yours. And your napkin.

- You can move faster than that.

See? I always get treated like this.

You need to whip his ass.

This is the problem

with these children nowadays.

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes