Along Came Polly Page #6

Really?

Yeah. You hear that?

Well, I got it out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

[Mutters, lndistinct]

[Salsa]

[Reuben Thinking]

Oh, wow. This is incredible.

Oh, man.

Oh, God.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no! No, no.

You can't be done yet.

Come on, Reuben, focus.

You have to last at least five minutes here.

Four minutes, 27, 26, 25.

Two minutes 20, 1 9, 1 8, 1 7.

Come on.

You can do it.

Oh, God!

Fifty!

[Giggles]

Fifty?

Yeah, 50! Whoo!

[Sandy]

Let it rain!

I tell ya, I think I might end up

marrying this woman.

Really? After one night?

Did you spank her?

Yeah, I tried,

but I don't think she liked it.

Yeah, some women find it offensive.

lceman!

I did not sleep with him

out of charity.

You weren't interested till you found out

his wife boned some other guy

on their honeymoon.

That's not it.

He is a kind, decent, solid guy.

l've never been

with anybody like that.

Still sounds like a charity boning. Hi.

Thank you.

Do you have to use the word

'bone' every time?

I use it when it's appropriate.

Have you ever heard of a guy

shouting out '50' when he orgasmed?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Okay, so throw pillows

go in this cabinet here.

Oh, you don't--

you don't sleep on these?

No, no, they're... decorative.

- For who?

- What do you mean?

You're the only one who sees them,

but you don't sleep on them.

Then you take them off the bed every night,

put 'em in a box, take them out of the box.

I just don't understand the point.

I don't know. I mean,

Lisa thought they looked nice.

Oh. I see.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't see what the big deal is.

They make the bed look nice.

Hey!

What are you doing?

That's goose down!

l'm liberating you.

Try it.

No!

l'm not gonna--

Just one stab. Come on.

See how you feel.

Come on!

This is ridiculous.

lt's not ridiculous.

lt's not like driving a knife into a pillow

is suddenly gonna make me feel--

Wow. That feels really good.

Huh? Right?

[Chuckles]

Yeah!

- What did I tell you?

- You know what? You're right.

Come on. Bigger one.

What is the point

of these things really?

No point.

They're stupid.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

I mean, what, am I running

a bed-and-breakfast?

Not anymore.

You know how many minutes a day...

I spend getting throw pillows

on and off the bed?

How many?

Four minutes in the morning,

four minutes at night.

That's eight minutes of my life.

I figured it out. lt's 56 minutes a week.

That's nearly two days of my life a year

I spent putting pillows on and off a stupid bed!

Ha! Ha!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

[Yelling]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Wait, wait, wait. You hit mattress.

- Oh, yeah.

[Sighs]

You know what?

I really gotta go. l'm late.

Shoot.

[Reuben] What's wrong?

You lose your keys again?

No, they're just not

where I left them before.

Hey, why don't you use

that key finder I bought you?

Reuben, I don't...

I think it could help.

need the stupid key finder!

All right. Anyway,

I was thinking l'd come meet you.

Really? I thought you hated

dirty dancing clubs.

[Beeping]

No, it's just salsa.

lt'll be fun. l'll watch.

Hey, what's that noise?

Nothing.

lt's the key finder, isn't it?

No, it's so not the key finder.

Yes, it is!

lt is not the key finder.

l'll see you later. Bye.

Yes, it--

Oh! How?

[Man Singing ln Spanish]

Hey, Reuby Tuesday.

Cmo ests?

Yeah. Doin' all right.

You know what? Actually,

me no ests too good,Javier.

I want you to stay away from Polly,

all right?

Find yourself another dance partner.

- Why?

- Why?

Because she and I are a couple, all right?

Yeah, we're dating.

And l'm not gonna let

some big shot salsa king...

sweep in with your mambo moves

and your Erik Estrada look...

and come in and try to take her away,

because l've had that happen before

and it's not gonna happen again.

- Reuben, I am gay.

- Hey, I don't care what you-- What?

l'm homosexual. My boyfriend Hector,

he plays the keyboards in the house band.

Oh.

Hey, you think maybe

you could give me some salsa lessons?

[Salsa]

Huh.

You hated it.

No, I don't.

lt's just-- lt's very graphic

for a children's book.

You know, like this one:

'The Boy with a Nub for an Arm.'

Well, that one has a moral.

You know, to teach kids they gotta be careful

when they're playing with fireworks.

Right. No, and-and I think

it's brilliant, by the way. Seriously.

Uh-huh.

I mean, like,

you really convey...

the pain and the fear,

and I love the little doggy too.

But-- And I don't mean

this in a bad way.

Right.

Just what were you thinking?

[Salsa]

So I put all the risks and rewards

into the program,

Okay. Right.

which helps me finalize

my recommendations.

'Leland Van Lew. '

Ooh! BASE jumping!

That is supposed to be so much fun.

That should be on the rewards side.

lt's one of the most dangerous activities

a human being can do.

Really?

Have you done it?

Yeah.

Have I parachuted off

the top of a building? No.

Uh-huh.

No?

No.

So how do you know

what it's like?

I don't.

Huh. lnteresting.

Would you like

some more bulgogi?

Sure.

Yeah?

Yeah, thanks.

I actually like this.

Yeah, it's good.

You do?

[Vomiting Loudly]

Now you look like

a pro racquetballer.

How's that shirt fit, all right?

Uh, yeah, it's fine.

You know, I was thinking

maybe we can just sit and talk.

l'm not really

a big raquetball player.

No worries.

We'll just get up a bit of a sweat.

Have a few giggles.

- [Yelling]

- [Screams]

So l've been running the numbers,

and I gotta say...

things aren't looking

too good from our end.

Bollocks!

[Groans]

Geez!

Leland, I mean,

it's not just the BASE jumping.

lt's the heli-skiing,

[Yells]

volcano luging, shark diving.

Bottom line is, unless

you drastically alter your lifestyle,

we won't be able to insure you.

Reuben, I came to you

for a reason.

I was told that you had

more imagination...

than any of the other blokes

in the big firms--

that you analyze the man

and not just the numbers.

I guess I was wrong.

Are you trying to manipulate me?

Of course I am.

But I wanna hold onto me company.

[Yells]

- Oh!

- l'll tell you what.

l'm gonna be in Nantucket

at the end of the month.

You'll come up and be my guest

aboard the 'Roo Shooter.

Aboard the what?

My sailboat.

l'll take you for a bit of a sail,

give you a chance to really get to know me.

And I guarantee you

by the end of the weekend,

you'll know what a safe bet I really am.

Yeah, you know what?

Uh, you're bleeding pretty bad.

Yeah, I think l've swallowed

a tooth or something.

Oh!

No. Got it.

[Chuckles]

Your serve.

[Jazz]

So I tell Leland

we can't insure him.

He responds by

inviting me up to Nantucket

for some Death Ray Sailing Challenge.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, we gotta go do that.

l've never been to Nantucket.

You wanna come?

I would-- Well, can-- ls that rude?

ls it all right if I invite myself?

No! That'd be great. Okay, good.

So you're actually gonna

commit to something in advance.

Yeah-- Oh.

Oh, my God.

Okay, yeah, I am.

I think that would be really fun.

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