Alpha and Omega 5: Family Vacation Page #3

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(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHING)

(BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

Dad is awesome,

we can't leave him.

Yes, Stinky,

he is amazing.

He'll make it.

Your dad always makes it.

(BOTH SHOUTING)

Don't shoot, Jethro,

don't shoot.

You're a lousy dang shot!

JETHRO:

Whoa, whoa!

Hey, hey, hey!

(SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)

(GASPS)

(EXCLAIMS AND GROANS)

(GASPS)

(SCREAMING)

Oh, man! Come on!

(BRENT AND FLEET SNARLING)

GRIFFIN:
Oh!

(EXCLAIMING)

Okay, guys, this way!

What the heck?

Did you see that?

The whole forest

dang attacked us!

There they are!

(LAUGHING) Fleet!

Brent, my best bro!

Agnes, my homegirl!

Fran, Frieda, you came!

Of course,

you're our king.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

MARCEL:
Sacrebleu!

It's Noah's Ark.

More like Noah's train.

We're taking the train

to the border.

How long till

an open box car?

Very soon.

Uh, 10 cars down.

You're all

taking the train?

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

Okay, Brent,

grab the porcupines.

Everyone, here it comes.

When I say "now,"

we jump into the open car.

GRIFFIN:
There they are!

Okay, aim!

KATE:
Just a bit more.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Get them off!

Now!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(ALL GROANING)

(BOTH PANTING)

What... We were

attacked by birds?

It's like every animal

in the dang forest

is protecting them!

You say "dang" a lot,

you know that, right?

Come on, everyone,

hug it out.

Bro.

Bro.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Hey.

Hey.

HUMPHREY:
Hey!

BOTH:
No.

BRENT:
Wow.

I'm usually more

of a river person,

but that is sweet!

(LAUGHING)

Humphrey and I fell

in love right here.

I finally got Kate

to howl with me.

Humphrey,

you had me at "howl-lo."

(SCOFFS) Is that

wolf speak for

falling in love?

Well, what do

you think it is?

It's like when

you had the hots

for that woodchuck.

He had a nice smile.

That wasn't

a smile, sister.

Like, a woodchuck's teeth

always stick out like that.

Kate, let's make

this moment last.

BRENT:
I have to pee.

I have to pee.

O-M-G.

(GRUNTING)

There was a little stream

Who fed into a river

BOTH:

And the river

flowed and flowed

Into a giant lake

(SCOFFS)

Is this for real?

(LAUGHING)

Well, I can't say

I haven't had my own

tinkle time-outs.

(WHIMPERING)

What's wrong with you?

I have to go.

You can't leave.

Can't you hold it?

No! I Can't!

Well, did you try

crossing your legs?

Yes!

Holding your breath?

Yes! I almost passed out!

Closing your eyes and...

In or out, I am going.

Would you hurry?

(STAMMERING)

I can't go when

I feel pressured.

Go!

(SIGHS)

Come on, let's help him.

One more time.

ALL:

There was a little stream

Who fed into a river

And the river

flowed and flowed

Into a giant lake

(GRUNTING)

Okay, so you have a few

more suns till the border.

We'll keep an eye

out for planes.

Okay, Stinky's got

the best sense of smell

so give him your food order

and he'll find what you want.

Okay, wait up.

(SNIFFING)

I'm smelling moose.

Stinky,

we could co-hunt it!

(BOTH WHOOPING)

No, Brent, we've got enough

problems with the hunters.

We don't need

antlers in the party.

Besides, Humphrey doesn't

like moose that much.

I kind of had

a run in with one.

Cool. Did you

take it down?

Did you go for

the hind quarters,

Mr. Humphrey?

Did you? Huh?

Go for the hind quarters?

Ah, in a sense.

Oh, my goodness,

look out for the...

Oh, no! No, no, no!

Oh, he's a goner for sure.

(THUD)

(FARTING)

(GROANING)

(SCREAMING)

HUMPHREY:
It was horrible.

He had this wide stance.

I had to go

into counseling.

Oh.

(MOOSE SNORTING)

Hi. And he looked

just like that guy.

Wait, it wasn't you,

was it?

Oh, my gosh, it was!

(SNIFFING)

What is it?

Wolf trappers.

Son, are you okay?

(AIRPLANE ENGINE WHIRRING)

Okay, wolves,

there is a human road

to the right.

You need to run to that.

Human road?

Yes, they can't shoot

where there are humans!

Okay, now!

PADDY:
Do hurry!

We can't keep going.

He could really

hurt himself.

It's just a sprain.

It'll heal, but not if

he keeps walking on it.

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

Oh, no.

Humphrey,

we gotta hide.

STINKY:
Hey, Mom, Dad,

Runt and the porcupines

are gone?

KATE:
What?

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

They must have

slipped out!

HUMPHREY:

Quiet everyone.

Here, wolfy, wolfy.

Come on.

Jethro's not

gonna hurt you.

I'm just moving you.

(ANIMAL GROWLING)

(BOTH GASP)

What the heck is that?

Sounds like a...

It's coming closer.

What the heck?

It's a monster!

Run! Run!

(SCREAMING)

Run!

(GRIFFIN EXCLAIMING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Sorry,

I saw an opening

and I took it.

Now, you know why

we call him the

king of the forest.

Well, let's give it up

for the porcupines.

(ALL CHEERING)

We have to find

another way across

the border.

We've already

done the trains.

Uh, don't wanna do planes,

so how about automobiles?

You remember,

like last time.

That was no auto,

that was a party bus.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING)

Humphrey?

(MIMICKING GUITAR)

(SIGHS)

Ha-ha! Whoo!

(LAUGHING)

Yeah, you didn't know

Papa was a Rolling Stone,

did you?

You... You don't

get that reference,

do you? Okay.

Now, let us do

a fly over and see what

we can come up with.

MARCEL:
Well, what does

every family vacation need?

An RV! (LAUGHS)

Recognize it?

Kate, this is

the same camper

we took last time.

Uh, yes,

the same one,

but this time from

Jasper back to Idaho.

How do you two know

everyone's travel patterns?

Oh, we have a way

of marking vehicles.

Specifically windshields.

Now, humans think

it's random,

but it's not.

(GASPS)

What is she doing?

Her biker boyfriend left her

and now she's a bit lonely.

So some cousins

of ours have become

her new best friends.

Cousins?

Oh, gosh.

(WHIMPERING)

Oh, no.

What now?

Oh, no!

(GRUNTING)

Brent,

what are you doing?

Uh, he's got bird issues.

(SCOFFS) Bird issues?

They're not birds,

they are monsters!

You want a piece of me?

CLAUDETTE:
Order!

Order on the field!

Where did it go?

(BIRD YELPING)

I hear it over there.

Tweet, tweet, tweet.

Oh, look, it's a cub.

Let's flutter around

his nose.

Brent, time out!

BOTH:
Ow!

(BIRD TWEETING)

I still hear it!

(WHIMPERING)

(YELLING)

Oh, no.

(WOMAN SPEAKING

INDISTINCTLY)

(EXCLAIMING)

(GUN C*CKS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

What the heck?

Oh!

STINKY:

Oh, no! She died.

Poor, poor lady.

What do we do?

I'm so sorry.

(SCOFFS) Agnes,

this is your guy's fault.

Yeah, I know.

I'm under a lot of stress.

I'm a stress eater!

I mean, we, like,

killed her!

How am I going

to live with myself?

I mean, we're vegans!

We don't kill!

I'm so sorry.

Ah!

(DEBBIE LAUGHING)

That feels good.

Hi there,

you little cuties, you.

Oh, I see it's, uh,

a sort of a family.

Wolves, bear, porcupines,

and fowl?

Okay, we hit

the mother lode.

Served in a bowl, too.

O-M-G, its china.

I mean, that's class.

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

Hi.

Sorry to bother you,

but we're animal trappers

and we're looking for wolves.

Relocating the dang things.

Well, I'm no wolf,

but I have been

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