Alpha House Page #6

probably some freaky ass sh*t.

Did he us ask

to get f***ed in the ass

by a chick wearing

a squirrel costume?

Yeah I think so.

I think I just puked

in my mouth a little.

What are we gonna do with

all this Intel after we gather it?

We bait the trap.

Stephanie. I see you're working.

What's this?

Oh, oh, oh my.

I'm going to lunch.

Whatever.

What's the password?

Acorn. Acorn!

Hello. Anyone here?

- Umm, Miss furry Doublestuff?

- Hold on.

Make yourself at home.

Wow, I knew

you had a lot of stuff but...

Oh...

This is so disgusting.

I think you mean

this is so awesome.

Is this what you wanted

Mr. Rosenbush?

Sweet baby Jesus

what am I seeing?

Umm please.

Call me tiger.

His porn name

is tiger Rosenbush?

It's better then mine.

Mocki Mckenley.

- See k2 what you do...

- I know how it works.

And no I'm not

gonna tell you my name.

Okay.

Tiger.

Take your pants off.

Right away Miss Doublestuff.

Almost there.

Boxer briefs.

Oh I couldn't make up my mind.

Loose'em.

Where is it?

- That's it? Isn't it?

- No, no, no, that's a smudge.

Mama squirrel loves nuts.

Oh you do.

Bark like a dog.

- What?

- Bark!

Louder!

Meow like a pussycat.

And what does the cow say?

The says Moo. The cow says Moo!

Are you ready tiger?

Yes, yes. It's great!

Oh my god!

Is she going to...

Yes she is!

I am honored to be speaking

in front of you today.

I am particularly

grateful to provostalious

and the other Virgin Mary

administrators

for making time in their very busy

schedules to be here today.

Thank you.

Through out my tenure

at Sterling College,

I am most proud of how

I fought for equal gender rights.

Although I did not achieved

the level of success

I had hope with my most

recent project.

The rehabilitation

of Sterling College's

most notorious

and disrespected fraternity.

I swear to you

on my nana's graves

I will continue the gender fight

until I have serviced the needs

of every female student.

That is so gross.

That proffer my resignation

as Associate Dean

at Sterling College...

You guys ready?

...And accept the position

of Dean of Virgin Mary University.

Drop it.

Like it's hot. Roll it.

Proto status. I...

He's not gonna like this.

As well as inserting my rigid ethics

in the lives of your most

impressive student body.

- It's him right?

- Yeah. That's him.

Now ah...

What is... I'm sorry...

Hello.

No! No! That is not me.

That is.

It's photoshoped people.

- Oh mommy.

- Thanks for coming.

Turn this off please.

Please somebody

tell me which one does it!

Turn it off!

Marshall please.

Don't! Don't please.

It's not me.

Save it Marshall.

You're not who

we thought you were.

There's no place for you

at Virgin Mary College after all.

Furry freak...

Wait a minute... you can't...

Tiger Rosenbush?

Hey can I get a copy of that?

Great job.

Alpha House!

Today we reenter an elite

brotherhood...

and sisterhood,

Are we ready to uphold

the traditions of this fraternity...

I mean fraternasorority.

If you are

let me hear you say yeah.

Yeah!

And do we pledge

no matter what,

to never let her hallowed halls

fall silent.

To never let the kegs go dry.

And to never...

ever, let the party die.

If you're with me let me hear

you say f*** yeah.

F*** yeah!

Welcome back.

To the 24 hour party machine!

Alpha House!

They're not back in 5 minutes

I'm putting my clothes back on.

I have to say when I told you guys

to find some dirt...

I wasn't expecting this.

Well sir it was a full team effort.

Without everybody involved,

never would have happened.

I have some fond memories

of this place.

Thowin' back brooze.

Banging tang.

Hell I was the Alpha Male

3 years running.

Sometimes wish

I could come back.

Sir you're always welcome back.

Once and Alpha always an Alpha.

I may just take you up on that.

Chuckie get over here,

Tracie is showing us

what she learned in Mexico

while standing. Come on!

Excuse us.

- Have a great party.

- Thank you Sir.

You know I was thinking...

- Where you?

- Yeah I was thinking we could uh,

You know. Again.

Unless you're still mad at me.

- Lets go.

- Okay.

Excuse me girls.

Don't slam the door on my face.

- Why shouldn't I?

- Because I brought you these.

You wanna come in?

Sure.

So what do you want?

Uh, I just...

I know you don't like me

very much

but since we are officially

now roommates...

- House mates.

- Right.

I figured

that we should start fresh.

K2 I know I can be a bit

of an a**hole but...

- Cameron.

- I think if you got to know me...

- Cameron!

- Yeah.

Turn around.

Bang-o-rang.

You're an a**hole.

President a**hole.

But I don't hate you.

Oh! Apparently not.

Sady Saltaire.

Uh what?

My porn name.

And that's what I want you

to call me

for the rest of the night.

Sady Saltaire

Anything you say Ms. Saltaire.

Bang-o-Rang.

Hey little squirrel.

You want a nut little guy?

Dude! Not cool!

You scared it.

You want a nut? Hmm?

You want a nut?

You patchouli drenched

birkenstock piece of poop!

I'll get your nut.

Oh hey here's a nut.

Have a nut!

Would you like another nut?

Here. Here. He's another nut!

- Here! Take 'em!

- What the f***!?

What's wrong?

Don't you like my nuts?

Here!

You can't handle my nuts!

Take my nuts!

Where's the f***ing squirrel?

Get over here!

Goddamn you!

Little f***er!

I see you!

You can't hide!

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