Amar Akbar & Tony Page #5

Uh...

-Here, you can keep that.

-Yeah, all right.

Um, drink?

-Yes. Now.

-Okay.

Its a nice place.

Yeah, well, I managed to find

a decent estate agent this time.

Are you trying to suggest

that Im indecent?

Well, I hope so.

Will you take me to India one day?

Yeah.

To Pondicherry.

Mm-hmm.

I heard they have

the most amazing croissants there.

You want to travel 5,000 miles to India...

for some croissants?

Any objections?

None.

There should be fusion, yaar.

- There should be east meets west and--

- Jay.

So... how was the meal?

I liked it.

It was okay.

Meat was tough.

Tell your chef to boil the lamb

before they fry it.

They always take shortcuts.

Ill let him know.

How are you, son?

This boy, he was my fathers favorite.

He used to say to me,

Amardeep will make our family glow,

just like his name.

Amardeep-- eternal light.

-He was a good man.

-He was a bastard.

He wasnt a father.

He was a military instructor.

Im sorry for what happened to you

in your young life,

but I would give anything to see his face

to know that his golden grandchild

had been to prison.

-We should go.

-Its okay.

I love you, Nephew.

Dont get me wrong.

But I hated my father, and he hated me.

He could never understand me.

Never--

Oh. Its okay.

- Its all right.

- Im sorry.

Its okay. Its family.

Come on.

Lets get you home.

Um, thank you for dropping us.

Good night.

Im lost. Hang on. Hang on.

-Where the hell is this place? Come on.

-I know its somewhere around here.

You dont even know

where your fiance lives?

Its where her parents live.

-Whatever.

-I hope they havent made pork, you know.

You told them, na?

English people love pork.

Sausage this, bacon that.

Dont worry, Dad.

Im sure they havent made pork.

Did you get the flowers?

Oh, Dad, I forgot.

Nads.

-Hi.

-Nice to see you.

-Welcome. Come on in.

-Thank you.

Hi. Lovely to see you.

-Hi.

-Hi.

So, Salim, what do you make

of all this Muslim terrorism stuff?

-Dad!

-George!

No, its absolutely fine.

I mean, if we are

to be related through marriage,

then we should be able

to talk about even awkward topics.

Um, anyone for dessert?

I have some lovely tiramisu.

Yeah, Ill, uh-- Ill help you, Mum.

We are religious people,

so much that we are moral people.

I have brought my children up

to be good Muslims.

Theyre not brought up

to be terrorists or killers.

But if you bomb my family

and kill my brothers and sisters,

then I have every right to take revenge,

whether Im a Muslim, Christian or a Jew.

Yes, but surely you must agree

you cant go bombing institutions

and not expect a response.

You see, its all this killing

that is taking place...

Can I help you with that?

I think I can manage

the salt and pepper, thanks.

Looks like you can manage quite a lot.

So you into Asian boys as well?

Im going to go into the kitchen.

Can you believe

theyre talking about terrorism?

Especially when we have a wedding to plan.

Oh, what could be more important,

Samanthas wedding or the slaughtering

of innocent people?

Not talking about the weddings certainly

not going to prevent the killings, so...

Will they want a Muslim ceremony?

- Yeah. Aki will want a nikaah.

- Yes.

One knicker ceremony for them

and one church wedding for us.

Its nikaah, Mum.

Knicker. Thats what I said.

- Do you think she put alcohol in that?

- Yes.

I am the ik.

What?

-What do you mean youre the ik?

-More like the prick.

Seriously, man, the way I figure it,

youve been going about this

the wrong way.

You know, waiting for the ik

to come into our lives.

Thing is, when you

sort of figure yourself out a little bit--

you know, who you are,

what you want to do...

then you become the ik.

Do you know what I mean?

And everything else just falls into place.

Baby

What do I do to make you notice me?

My friends say Im wasting time

Dry your eyes, youll be fine

You got to wake up now

Wake up now

Wake up now

Wake up now

-What are you doing over there?

-Come on, man. Come on.

Thank you.

Dont need no dancing shoes

Just my head screwed on

One of these days Ill make you mine

There aint no such thing

As a girl on time

Hi. Um...

I was wondering if I could--

Is it okay if--

-I was watching you.

-What?

Come on. Lets go.

Lesbian.

One of these days Ill make you mine

There aint no such thing

As a girl on time

Wake up and get the radio on

Dont need no dancing shoes

Just my head screwed on

One of these days Ill make you mine

There aint no such thing

As a girl on time

Wake up

Wake up

Baby, its you and me now

Like it was meant to be

I still cant believe youre mine

You say that all you need is time

You got to

Wake up now

Wake up now

Wake up now

Wake up now

Baby

What do I do to make you notice me?

My friends say Im wasting time

Dry your eyes, youll be fine

You got to

Wake up now

Wake up now

Meera, wait.

Please. Meera.

Im sorry. Please. Please wait.

Meera, please.

Why are you sorry?

You havent done anything.

What you mean to say

is that you feel sorry for me.

Did you know?

What?

That my husband would rather be

with that ugly-looking man than me?

That your whole family keep pretending

that everything is normal?

Your dad keeps asking me

when we are going to have kids.

Your mom keeps telling me

that it takes time to fall in love.

So what are you going to tell me?

I know about my husband.

Ive always known.

I just didnt think that hed behave

like that in front of you all.

I should take you home.

Its somewhere down there.

Its somewhere down there, isnt it?

All right,

were gonna get some food. Later.

-Bye.

-Love you!

Youre heavy.

You know, youre quite attractive...

in the night light.

Yeah, and youre very drunk.

I seen you eyeing me up in there.

Hey, thats rubbish.

Youre like my sister.

What?

Your sister?

Look, youre Amars sister, so that--

that makes you out of bounds.

Well, youre Amars friend...

and that makes you very tempting.

So where is Amar anyway?

I think he went to look for your aunt

after Uncle Jay

started waggling his dinky.

Oh, yeah?

And what about your dinky?

Is it feeling kinky?

I think its starting

to have a little thinky.

I think you should drop me home.

Make sure I get back safely.

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

That didnt happen.

Thanks. I enjoyed it too.

If you tell anyone,

well, Ill just-- Ill deny it.

You really know

how to make a guy feel special.

You know, Ive always had a crush on you.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Oh, its just so much better

in my imagination.

Geez. I should just roll over and die

than get into a conversation with you.

How come you married him

if you dont love him?

Not everything is about love,

you know.

I liked him.

He was kind and funny.

Kind and funny.

Dont you believe in love?

You can love someone

without being in love with them.

You can.

Doesnt mean

that theyre the right person to marry.

Everything happens for a reason.

Oi!

Ive been looking for you

all over that damn club.

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