Amazon Women on the Moon Page #2

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Harry, call

the hospital administrator.

Hey! You're right.

This is a Mr Potato Head.

Gosh, they're so lifelike.

Anybody could've made

this mistake.

I'll be right back

with the real Nicholas.

- Harry, what are they doing to us?

- Calm down, Brenda. Calm down.

We don't want you to get

post-partum anxiety.

Now, as soon as we get our son,

I'm going to report this quack.

Thank God you took that

assertiveness training course.

Yeah.

Here's the little tyke.

[ Chuckling ]

- You've been a naughty little baby.

Yes, you have.

- [ Sighs ]

- Playing peekaboo

with Mommy and Daddy.

- About time. Nick, it's your dad.

He's got a strong, determined jaw

just like his old man there.

[ Imitates Baby Cooing

And Crying ]

Whoops.

[ Imitates Baby Crying ]

- Great. Now you made him cry.

- I don't believe this.

[ Continues Imitating

Baby Crying ]

Is this okay?

Would you rather breastfeed him?

- Get away from me!

- I'm gonna kill you!

[ Gasps ]

What kind of hospital is this?

All right,

Mr and Mrs Lamaze!

You see, due to a slight clerical error,

your son has been temporarily misplaced.

- You lost our son?

- Did I say lost? I said misplaced!

I'm suing you for-- for malpractice,

negligence-- you name it!

Just jump all over me! What about

the nine kids I didn't lose this week?

My baby! What have they

done with my baby?

It was your fault. If you hadn't

distracted me with that video equipment

in the delivery room...

I might not have misplaced

your little brat!

- Doctor. We found him.

- See?

- He was down the hall

in the laundry hamper.

- [ Both ] Oh!

Oh, he's beautiful.

I hope you're both

ashamed of yourselves.

All this hysteria when he was safe

and sound not 20 feet from this room.

Doctor, you're due in surgery

for that kidney transplant.

Where's the donor organ?

The donor organ?

God, I had it with me

when I left the house this morning.

[ Man ] Good morning and welcome

to Movies Till Sunrise.

Our feature presentation

is the 1 954 science fiction classic...

Amazon Women on the Moon...

starring Laird Granger

and Greta Van Zandt...

complete and uncut, with no

commercial interruptions.

This used to be me.

Old before my years,

ignored by women...

passed over for promotions.

But now all that has changed.

Hi. I'm Sy Swerdlow...

and I invented the patented process

known as ''hair looming.''

If you suffer from premature hair loss,

let our team of technicians...

visit you in the privacy

of your home...

so there will be

no embarrassment.

You choose from our selection...

of over 200 colours and styles.

Then your head

will be carpeted...

- with 1 00% pure acrylic fibre,

- [ Whirring ]

- completely natural-looking.

- [ Tacking ]

You can sleep in it.

You can shower in it.

[ Vacuuming ]

It changed my life...

and it'll change yours.

Call toll free--

1-800-GET-HAIR.

[ Radio Static ]

- Well, men, I've been studying

this map of the lunar surface...

- [ Monkey Chattering ]

and I've chosen the dark side

as our landing site.

- So, don't forget your space beams.

- Roger, Steve.

Just think, Loony, in less than an hour,

we're gonna be on the moon.

The first thing I'm gonna do

is carve me off a hunk of that green cheese.

Now, Butch, you know one of

the purposes of this mission...

is to dispel

some of those myths.

Steve, I've got the president

on the electro-scan.

- Whillikers!

- [ Beep ]

[ Man ]

Come in, men of Moon Rocket One.

This is the president of the United States

calling from planet Earth.

We read you, Mr President.

This is Steve Nelson,

commander, Moon Rocket One.

Commander Nelson,

this is a proud day for all Americans...

and this year of 1 980

will be remembered as the year...

an American

first set foot on the moon.

The governors

of all 48 states join me...

in wishing Godspeed

to you...

and your hand-picked team

of scientists.

That's us, Loony.

Thank you, Mr President.

We're proud to serve our country.

Over and out.

Blackie, neutralize

the electro-scan.

- [ Click ]

- Electro-scan neutralized, sir.

There she is,

dead ahead!

It's awesome, isn't it?

[ Blackie ] I've got big plans

for that piece of real estate.

I'm going to sell

advertising space on that.

Just picture this--

the world's biggest billboard.

We'll make a bundle.

Hold your horses, Blackie.

This voyage is for

the betterment of mankind.

[ Voice Distorts ]

Let's not any of us forget that.

[ Distorted ]

Sure, chief.

There goes my lunch.

[ Groans ]

It's right up there

with my stomach.

[ Chuckling ]

Prepare for moon landing.

- Initiate rotation system.

- Rotation initiated.

Reverse retros.

Retros reversed.

Steve, we're losing pressure

in the atom chamber.

If it drops any more,

we're goners.

[ Alarm Sounding ]

Quick, Blackie,

switch to the emergency--

Tie a yellow ribbon

round the old oak tree

It's been

three long years

Do ya still want me

If I don't see a ribbon

round the old oak tree

I'll stay on the bus

forget about us

Put the blame on me

Did you know

that every seven minutes...

a black person is born

in this country without soul?

Hello, I'm B.B. King.

Won't you help Don Simmons

and the thousands of others...

that suffer from

this tragic disorder?

Its cruel symptoms can strike anyone.

Let's take a look.

I think the Republican Party has done

one heck of a job. Don't you,June?

I'll say, Ward. We Republicans

have turned this country around.

[ Both Chuckling ]

- [ Siren Wails ]

- Safety and good mileage

are the two things...

I looked for

in a new car.

That's why I bought

a Volvo station wagon.

Hi. I'm president of the David Hartman

Fan Club here in Glendale.

I've even met David Hartman once.

What a neat guy.

Chim-chimeny, chim-chimeny

chim-chim cheree

A sweep is as lucky

as lucky can be

Chim-chimeny, chim-chimeny

chim-chim cheroo

Good luck will rub off

when I shake hands with you

This is B.B. King saying

won't you please give...

so that Don Simmons here

and so many others...

can become useful members

of society.

Or blow me a kiss

and that's lucky too

Write to--

Thank you.

Be right there.

- Karen?

- Hi.

- Hi. I'm Jerry Stone.

- Hi,Jerry. Nice meeting you.

- I'm sorry. I'm running a little bit late.

- Don't worry about it.

- You look nice.

- Thank you.

- This is a great apartment.

- Thanks.

[ Sprays ]

Uh, I hope you like sushi.

I made reservations

at Tokyo Rose on Columbus.

Great.

I hear it's terrific.

Normally there's a waiting list,

but I know the maitre d;

You know,

I gotta tell you...

I never go on blind dates,

but, uh...

I just have a feeling

that this might be special.

Jerry? Before we leave,

do me one small favour, will you?

Sure. What?

Would you mind showing me a credit card

and a valid driver's licence?

- You're kidding. Why?

- I'd like to run

a ''couple compatibility'' check.

What the heck is that?

You know,Jerry,

it's tough being a single girl in the big city.

You meet all kinds

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