American High School Page #2

- Boy:
Cocksucker!

- Boy #2:
Your p*ssy stinks!

And on a more serious note...

...when prom comes,

all of you need to vote for me...

Hilary Weiss.

I mean, I'm the prettiest girl

in school, so it's a no-brainer.

Where'd you go?

Holden:
We hit the jackpot, Gwen...

the principal's desk.

- You, me, now. It's unlocked.

- What?

Come on, this'll leave

our last mark on campus.

Ow.

Plus, I want to let

all the boys know...

- That I'm a freak in the sheets.

- Boy:
Whoo!

I can't believe

I'm really here.

Come here.

Holden:
Are we almost done?

Holden:
I can't do this.

Oh God. Oh God.

Oh my God. Oh f***.

- So last year...

- Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

That was very nice.

- Thanks!

- Holden:
Oh, f***! Oh my God!

Oh, Gwen.

Oh, Gwen.

Oh my God, Gwen.

What's going on here?

I think they were

having sex.

Yes, Alice,

that's a rhetorical question.

- But, sir...

- How could you not lock my door?

I ain't cleaning this sh*t up.

Oh, you'll clean it up, Grandpa.

And you'll like it!

Do you two understand this is

mahogany wood from Bangladesh?

Where are you going?

Sit down!

Big deal... we banged on

Principal Mann's desk.

Look, I'm... I'm sorry.

I really am, but...

Gwen:

Don't touch me.

Alice, where's my popcorn?

Oh, sir, that's my breast.

I know.

I'm Zoey...

...the new girl.

I just transferred from Cancun.

I enjoy long walks on the beach...

I'm a Pisces

and I'm perfect.

Oh.

You do realize the school year's

almost over with.

I heard about

your internship program...

...for young hot blondes

with impressionable minds.

I had to try it out.

You know, see if I fit in.

Um, the position's

already been filled.

- We'll see about that.

- Mm-hmm.

#I don't care just what

you're made of... #

You know we have class,

Principal Mann.

Oh, I think that can wait.

Ah, Miss Hilary Weiss.

Ahh!

#I don't want to

be embarrassed #

#I don't want to notice you... #

Change of plans:

you can go to class...

...and I'll talk to

your pretty little girlfriend.

Wait... what was she

whispering to you about?

Now move!

You can't punish her during prom-queen

campaign. That's undemocratic.

#Run to you #

#I want to run to you... #

Looks like you're

failing Seuss's class.

If you don't get an A on the final,

you won't graduate.

That was done perfectly, sir.

Of course, Alice. Now I want that desk

clean by tomorrow morning...

...so clean that I can

eat off of it...

...if I choose to.

Let's go, Zoey.

How am I ever gonna

show my face at school again?

I'm the school slut.

That spot was reserved

for Hilary.

We have never been caught...

never.

And we've pulled off

some really risky missions:

...here at Mr. Seuss's classroom;

...here at the 50-yd line

of the football field;

...and not to mention

the bleacher sex!

Bleacher sex!

That is still the single-most

uncomfortable spot...

...to ever get it on.

I still have splinters from that.

Lunch is almost over.

Please please please...

...don't make me go back

to that hell.

Boy:
Gwen Adams, report to the nurse's

office for a pregnancy test.

That is all.

Gwen:
Oh God, what if I'm pregnant?

Again.

Excuse me.

Do you have a pass?

Oh, boy.

First patient of the day.

Hi.

- Welcome to my office.

- Hi.

I just need to pick up

a pregnancy test.

Okay, I think we...

we should get to know each other...

...since you're in my office and

I don't even know your name.

I'm Nurse Doogie.

I'm Gwen. Can I just have

a pregnancy test really fast?

You're Gwen.

I heard about you... You had

some sex, didn't you?

Was it good?

It was great for me.

I, uh, heard it while I was in

the bathroom over the speaker and...

Can we not talk

about that, please?

- No no, I...

- Stop. Please don't touch me.

Uh, put this robe on.

Let's get started

with the exam.

- What?

- Put this on.

Can you just get me

the little strip that I pee on?

Uh, I don't have anything for

you to pee on except for...

...well, me, if you're into that.

I could lay under a glass table

if that's what you want to do.

- I love it.

- What?

Ooh. Um, okay.

Uh, um, I'm gonna

examine you now.

You should... You should get

on the table right here.

- I'm on the table.

- Oh, yeah.

- I'm gonna miss my class.

- I'll write you a note.

I love him!

I don't know. It's like

I just try so hard.

I just give so much, you know?

And I'm just afraid

he'll get mad.

Have you even talked

to him about it?

I can't!

He gets frustrated

and he walks away.

I mean, I want to

make him happy...

...but he doesn't care.

I didn't want to do

the principal's-office thing.

I did it for him.

Do you want to do

the nurse's-office thing?

- What?

- Nothing.

Um...

I- I-I think you're really nice, Gwen.

- And I want to help you.

- Thank...

I don't want you to get

kicked out of school.

So... So I did

something for you:

I- I-I peed in a cup for you.

And that way you won't get

expelled for being pregnant.

- Thank you!

- I'm pretty sure you're not pregnant.

You're the best friend I have.

So that's why you should use

three fingers instead of two.

Gwen. Class, what have we learned

from her actions today?

To be more discreet when

you're acting like a whore.

- Who are you?

- I'm Zoey, the new girl.

I just transferred

from Cancun.

I enjoy long walks on the beach,

I'm a Pisces...

...and I'm perfect.

I don't like you.

That's probably because you

see me as competition.

I'm hot, I know.

Talk back to me again and you'll have

your next period through your mouth.

- Leave me...

- Think about that.

B*tch.

Go on and paint.

Make it erotic.

Excuse me, Miss Apple?

Can I get some inspiration?

Paint it.

Well, this is disturbing.

- I didn't even do anything yet.

- That's what's disturbing.

What? You think you can

start whenever you want to?

- No, I just...

- You think you're better than me?

Gwen:
Abso-f***ing-lutely.

No, I wouldn't say...

What?

What are you looking at?

You're looking at

the new girl.

Yeah, she's new.

She's hot too. I'm gonna f*** her.

Holden, you gotta

get it together.

You can't let her

talk to you like that.

- Yeah, but have you seen the new girl?

- Yeah, I've seen her.

I always kinda thought

you were gay, though.

This class is great...

- I love Mrs. Apple so much.

- ...Just great.

She looked

at me when I was painting...

...and said I did a good job.

Wow, that is really good, Holden.

You know, I'm not gonna lie.

You've got...

...negative and positive space,

continuity...

...rhythm, symmetry.

- Who the f*** are you?

- It's great.

Yeah, who the f*** are you?

Pff! Whatever.

I used to bang a chick that

owned an art gallery.

Holden:

Yeah, that's gay.

That... if I'm gay, then that's

f***ing gay.

- Are those real?

- Pick it up.

- Oh, God. Oh, crap.

- Pick up the pencil.

Oh, she's picking it up.

Oh my God.

You know something?

- I don't even know him anymore.

- That's really good, though.

Like, I am serious; I am jealous of

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