American Pie Page #6

---

Smiling, he raises the beer...

INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUING

Jim and some OTHER GUYS are pounding shots of vodka.

JIM:

What the hell? I should be able to

talk to chicks. I'm articulate. I

got a 720 on my SAT verbal.

(starts listing off words)

Copious. Verisimilitude.

A GUY SCREAMS upstairs.

JIM (CONT'D)

(unaffected)

Intransigence.

A GIRL SCREAMS upstairs. The SOPHOMORE CHICK comes

running through the kitchen. SCREAMING. And

indeterminate stain is on her shirt. She bolts out the

door and into the night. A moment passes.

JIM (CONT'D)

Regurgitation.

INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - NIGHT

Stifler is on his knees, barfing in the toilet. Jim and

a few other guys rush in.

GUY #1

Oh, gross.

JIM:

Jesus, what did you eat?

Stifler just keeps hurling. Kevin enters, holding the

remains of the tainted beer.

KEVIN:

Stifler, how's the man chowder?!

Stifler barfs even more violently.

EXT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - BACK PORCH, BY THE KEG - NIGHT

Jessica and Vicky are refilling their beers at the keg.

Nadia waits patiently beside them with an empty cup.

VICKY:

He likes it.

JESSICA:

Of course he does. What about you?

Have you just never had one with Kevin

-- or have you never had one, period?

VICKY:

I think I've had one.

JESSICA:

Well that's a no. No wonder you're

not psyched about sex.

(starts filling Vicky's beer)

You've never even had one manually?

VICKY:

...I've never tried it.

JESSICA:

Are you kidding? You've never double-

clicked your mouse?

Vicky shrugs.

JESSICA (CONT'D)

Hell, just a pair of tight pants will

set me off.

(noticing Nadia next to them,

she passes the tap along)

Am I right or what, Nadia?

NADIA:

(no bones about it)

You are right. The hands are not

always necessary.

JESSICA:

(to Vicky)

See?

NADIA:

In fact -- I should teach you my own

special method. I developed it myself

at the ballet institute in Prague.

You use nothing but the muscles of the

inner thigh.

Nadia walks off.

JESSICA:

No wonder she never pays attention in

class.

Vicky nods, traumatized.

INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - LATER

Kevin and Jim are looking at a PICTURE OF STIFLER'S MOM

on the wall. Very attractive, late 30's.

JIM:

Sh*t, I can't believe a fine woman

like this produced a guy like Stifler.

TWO FRESHMAN GUYS are walking by as Jim says this.

FRESHMAN GUY:

Dude! That chick -- is a MILF!

FRESHMAN GUY #2

What the hell is that?

FRESHMAN GUY:

M-I-L-F! Mom I'd Like to F***!

Suddenly, a bedroom door opens a couple inches. Sherman

pokes his head out.

SHERMAN:

(hushed, to guys)

Don't you think you fellas could try a

little tact? I've got company. Know

what I mean?

In the bedroom in the background, we see the Central

Girl. Sherman closes the door, leaving the guys there,

dumbstruck.

INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - STAIRWAY - NIGHT

Jim and Kevin are coming down the stairs.

KEVIN:

(snapping)

Dammit! If Sherman has sex before I

do, I'm gonna be really f***ing

pissed.

They turn the corner into the kitchen.

INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUING

KEVIN:

Man, I just gotta get laid already!

This blowj*b thing is bullshit!

He stops. Vicky is there with Jessica. Staring at him.

Vicky quietly grabs her purse. Hurt. OTHER STUDENTS

watch, silently. Kevin doesn't know what to say.

VICKY:

Jessica, can you drive me home?

JESSICA:

Sure.

The guys watch as the girls head for the door.

KEVIN:

Vicky, wait.

VICKY:

Not for you.

The girls exit. Nobody says anything. Kevin is in

shock.

PARTY GUY (O.S.)

Yeti! I am the Yeti!

INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - DAY

The next morning. The party is long over. Plastic beer

cups and various bottles litter the house, but it's not

trashed.

Jim is wandering around in a daze, holding his head. He

stumbles over a body. It's Kevin.

KEVIN:

Ow, what the hell?

JIM:

Sorry, I thought you were dead.

They walk over to the other side of the room. Finch is

sitting on the couch.

FINCH:

Good morning gentleman.

JIM:

Finch! Where were you last night?

What happened to the foolproof plan?

FINCH:

I thought a fashionably late entrance

would enhance my appearance.

(off their looks)

When I got here, the Bacchanalia was

over and the nymphs had left.

Oz wanders in, still sullen. Takes a seat, sulking.

KEVIN:

Feeling better, Oz?

OZ:

I'm such a loser.

KEVIN:

That's the spirit.

We hear FOOTSTEPS coming down the stairs. It's the

CENTRAL GIRL. She wears a "Central" sweatshirt. Sherman

follows behind her. The guys watch in disbelief as

Sherman and the girl speak hushed, intimately.

SHERMAN:

(snippets of conversation)

...I'll never forget...thank you.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes