American Pie Page #5

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OZ:

Great evening, isn't it?

COLLEGE CHICK:

Sure.

OZ:

There's something about the spring

that's just cool. Like the smell of

fresh rain or something.

At this, she snuggles up to him. Oz smiles confidently.

OZ (CONT'D)

Suck me, beautiful.

The College Chick backs off, confounded.

COLLEGE CHICK:

What did you just say?

OZ:

(not so confidently)

Suck me...beautiful?

The College Chick's eyes flutter in disbelief. She tries

to keep her cool -- but can barely restrain her laughter.

COLLEGE CHICK:

What?!

Oz attempts to maintain a suave exterior, but he's just

had the rug pulled from under him.

OZ:

Uh...you know, my friends call me Nova

-- as in Casanova.

COLLEGE CHICK:

You need some work, buddy!

She bursts into laughter. Oz is ill.

OZ:

Well...jeez, don't laugh at me.

Seeing Oz's defeated expression, she collects herself.

COLLEGE CHICK:

Look, Chris. There are just some

things you need to learn, that's all.

OZ:

Like what?

She sees that he's lost. Almost feels sorry for him.

COLLEGE CHICK:

Alright, well...you've got to tone it

down. You don't need to go to Lookout

Point and spout cheeseball lines to be

romantic.

OZ:

...okay...

COLLEGE CHICK:

You have to pay attention to a girl.

Be sensitive to her feelings.

Relationships are reciprocal.

OZ:

I'm not good in math.

She's trying not to laugh again.

COLLEGE CHICK:

Come on, I'll drop you off at your

friends'.

Oz couldn't be humiliated any further.

INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT - SAME TIME

Oz is nursing a beer, having just told the story to Jim,

Stifler, and some guys.

STIFLER:

(hysterical, toppling over)

You actually said that?! Haaaah!!

OZ:

Shut the f*** up.

JIM:

Hey, you did better than I did, Nova.

OZ:

Oh that's really reassuring. And

don't call me Nova anymore. I'm a

fraud.

STIFLER:

This is pathetic. I'm gonna find me a

little hottie.

Stifler strides into another room.

STIFLER (O.S.)(cont'd)

(yelling)

Suck me, beautiful!

Oz wallows in his beer can, beaten.

INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Vicky is pleasuring Kevin...you know.

VICKY:

(brief pause)

Let me know.

KEVIN:

Okay, don't stop.

She resumes. A moment more -- and then Kevin is about to

lose it.

KEVIN (cont'd)

Oh -- Now!

With awkward hurriedness, Vicky stops as Kevin

frantically searches for a receptacle. He grabs a nearby

cup of beer.

EXT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - BACK PORCH, BY THE KEG - NIGHT

Insert -- A hand pumping up the keg. A fresh beer foams

out into the cup.

GUY #1

There we go.

INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER

Vicky is buttoning up her shirt. Kevin tentatively sets

down the beer and buttons his pants. Suddenly the DOOR

BURSTS OPEN. Stifler is standing there. A coat hanger

sticks out of the doorknob.

STIFLER:

SUCK ME, BEAUTIFUL!

KEVIN:

God dammit, Stifler!

STIFLER:

Check-out time! Please vacate the

room.

VICKY:

Stifler, you're such a jerk.

She runs out, grabbing her clothes. Kevin runs after

her.

KEVIN:

Vicky, wait!

Stifler enters the bedroom, laughing, pulling a SOPHOMORE

CHICK behind him. He closes the door.

SOPHOMORE CHICK:

God, I can't believe there are so many

cool people at this party.

STIFLER:

Yep.

SOPHOMORE:

And you got a keg, too, wow.

(realizing)

Oh, wait, I left my beer downstairs.

Stifler notices Kevin's beer sitting on the night table.

He hands it to her.

STIFLER:

Here, babe.

SOPHOMORE CHICK:

Thanks.

She's about to take a sip.

STIFLER:

(gazing into her eyes)

You're really beautiful.

Thrown off, she sets the beer down.

SOPHOMORE CHICK:

Really?

STIFLER:

Uh huh.

She's totally enthralled. Nervous, she raises the beer

again to take a sip. Then Stifler moves in. Takes the

beer from her and sets it down. Starts kissing her. She

breaks it off.

SOPHOMORE CHICK:

I don't know if I want to be doing

this.

STIFLER:

(sighs)

Doing what?

Stifler looks inconvenienced. He picks up the beer,

annoyed.

SOPHOMORE CHICK:

You know. If we hook up, tomorrow

I'll just be some girl you go telling

all your friends about.

STIFLER:

(shifty)

No way.

Avoiding her look, he raises the beer to take a sip.

SOPHOMORE CHICK:

(a little angry)

Steve! You could at least look at me

when you say that.

Stifler stops and SIGHS, the beer inches from his mouth.

Lowers it. Stares her in the eye.

STIFLER:

Look...

(searching, remembers)

...Sarah. I wouldn't go telling

stories or whatever about you. I

promise.

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