American Pie Page #4

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They ponder this for a moment.

OZ:

Shortstop. 'Course, you don't make it

to third, and you're out.

JIM:

So let's say you get there...what's

uh, third base feel like?

KEVIN:

Oh, man, that's kind of sad.

Jim shrugs, embarrassed.

OZ:

Feels like warm apple pie, dude.

JIM:

Apple pie...

(then)

McDonald's or homemade?

They just look at him. Finch hops on his scooter.

FINCH:

Gentlemen, see you at the Bacchanalia.

He MEEPS his horn and buzzes away.

INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - NIGHT

For a high-school party, it's pretty good. The house is

peppered with ALL TYPES OF HIGH-SCHOOL STUDENTS. MUSIC

blends with the din of excited conversation.

Kevin and Jim are drinking beers. Around them, students

mingle and flirt. CHUCK SHERMAN comes up.

SHERMAN:

What's up, fellas?

JIM:

Hey Sherman. Scopin' the babes.

SHERMAN:

Indeed. Some fine ladies here, boys.

Confidence is high, repeat, confidence

is high.

Sherman is moving to DefCon Two, full

strategic arsenal ready for

deployment.

JIM:

You've got something going?

SHERMAN:

Did you see that Central chick?

Brunette?

KEVIN/JIM

No.

SHERMAN:

She's around. Seems that she's taken

a liking to me. Fellas, it's time

that she experienced -- The

Sherminator.

KEVIN:

Yeah, okay Sherman, whatever.

SHERMAN:

I'm a sophisticated sex robot, sent

back through time...to change the

future for one lucky lady.

KEVIN:

Yeah man, right on!

Sherman saunters off into the party.

KEVIN (CONT'D)

(shakes his head)

Hopeless.

Vicky approaches, having a good time, joining the guys,

EXCHANGING GREETINGS. Jim spots NADIA across the room.

She's beautiful, a masterpiece of a woman.

JIM:

Oh, sh*t! There she is. Nadia.

VICKY:

You like her? Her sponsor family

lives on my block. Why don't you talk

to her?

JIM:

What would I say?

VICKY:

Just tell her what's on your mind.

And smile, you've got a good smile.

(then to Kevin)

Come on.

KEVIN:

(to Jim)

Gotta go.

JIM:

But --

Kevin and Vicky disappear into the crowd -- just as Jim

sees Nadia approaching him. He freaks.

JIM (cont'd)

Kevin, get back here!

But he's gone. And Nadia is now in front of him. With

no other alternative, Jim readies himself, smiling big.

NADIA:

(with a really sexy accent)

You are in my English class, no?

Jim smiles.

JIM:

(barely)

Yes.

NADIA:

I thought so.

Jim's smile grows even bigger, almost stupid. A beat.

NADIA (cont'd)

So you are having fun?

Jim nods, still smiling away. Staring right through her

head.

NADIA (cont'd)

I said, you are having fun?

A little SQUEAK escapes his throat. Jim is on mental

vacation.

NADIA (cont'd)

Me too.

A beat. Jim's expression is now plasticized. Eyes

vacant. A frozen, completely artificial smile. Nadia is

confused.

NADIA (cont'd)

Well...I am going to get another beer.

You want one?

Jim strains to speak, through his smile.

JIM:

No...you...go...ahead.

NADIA:

Okay.

She walks off. Jim SIGHS, completely relaxing, like a

huge burden is now off of him. He wipes his brow. Then,

realizing --

JIM:

Oh, sh*t. No! Sh*t!

He pounds his head with his fist.

EXT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - NIGHT

A group of band dorks is on the porch, including

Michelle. Stifler stands in the doorway, staring at them

in disbelief.

MICHELLE:

We're here for the party?

STIFLER:

What party? There's no party.

MUSIC blares from inside. A drunken HAND reaches through

the door and ruffles Stifler's hair.

PARTY GUY (O.S.)

Stiff-lerrr! Par-tyyy!!

The hand disappears back into the house. A beat.

STIFLER:

Try the house down the street.

Stifler slams the door. The dorks wait a moment.

BAND DORK:

Ring the bell again.

MICHELLE:

Ringing the bell is dorky -- let's

just go in.

We hear a CLICK OF A DEADBOLT.

INT. STIFLER'S HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Kevin and Vicky are on the bed, making out.

VICKY:

Oh, Kev.

KEVIN:

Vicky -- do you think, maybe...it's

time for us to take the next step in

our relationship?

VICKY:

Tonight?

KEVIN:

Yeah, it's such a perfect evening.

Isn't this how you've always pictured

it?

PARTY GUY (O.S.)

(yelling)

Dude, my farts f***in' stink!

PARTY GUY #2 (O.S.)

You reek like a f***in' Yeti, dude!

Go take a sh*t or something!

Kevin and Vicky exchange a glance.

KEVIN:

Or not.

Vicky pushes him onto his back.

VICKY:

Just relax.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Oz is in the passenger seat, making out with the

aforementioned COLLEGE CHICK. She's attractive and older-

looking (from a high-school perspective). They are

parked near the river that flows through downtown Great

Falls.

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