American Pie Presents: The Book of Love Page #8

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No!

She was using me. I... That was really bad.

Father, why hast Thou forsaken me?

Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage?

Rob, are you some kind of jive turkey?

He's like an inch away from the real McCoy.

Did you bring condoms?

What?

I wet the bed until I was 13 years old, okay?

You nancy boys couldn't get lucky

at a Jonas Brothers concert

with a fistful of backstage passes.

Faith in God and His promise of eternal life.

Now, put the condom on the banana.

Who didn't see that coming?

Look at the time. Gotta go.

I think that is quite enough pictures

of the cheerleaders.

How about we get some of the game?

We're eating.

(FARTS)

You've been f***ing Americans or...

Watching, loving...

Bear with me.

If she's down, bring her flowers.

If she's thirsty, serve her fine champagne.

Yeah, 'cause, I'm telling you,

my wife is pretty effing hot.

I'm talking a tight, tight ass

and squeaky clean.

Is that cream-filled? You rock.

Oh. Don't mention that, okay?

And whenever it comes to making out,

put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

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