American Splendor Page #2

and all that cliched stuff.

Man, l got enough bad experiences

and growth to last me plenty.

Right now...

l'd be glad to trade some growth

for happiness.

How long you staying in Cleveland, man?

l don't know,

l got to see this chick in New York...

and l'm really busy

with the comic book stuff.

lt's good bread and all.

l'm Just getting sick of the whole scene.

What are you talking about?

You make a good living

doing your art, right?

How many guys get that lucky in their life?

Listen, l'll tell you something.

People are starting

to know the name Crumb.

When you croak, man,

you're gonna leave something behind.

Yeah, l guess.

lt's not like l'm Blind Lemon jefferson,

or Big Mama Thornton.

Come on, man.

l tell you something,

it sure beats working a gig like mine...

being a nobody flunky

and selling records on the side for $1 .

Well, that's true.

Listen, girlie...

these glasses are six for $2

because l couldn't carry 1 2.

But l wanted 1 2.

So today, l'm buying six more.

But you should only charge me

$1 .50 for them.

lt's all right. You can ask the manager.

Frank, l need a price check.

Man, old jewish ladies will argue forever

with a cashier about anything.

These glasses....

You get behind them in line

and you're gonna wait forever.

...because l couldn't carry 1 2. So today....

l'm a yid myself...

and women in my family are like that,

but l never got used to it.

l mean, l may be cheap,

but l got limits, man.

Let me explain one more time.

These glasses are six for $2....

Wake up! Your whole life's

getting eaten away with this kind of crap.

What kind of existence is this?

ls this all a working stiff

like you can expect?

You gonna suffer in silence for the rest

of your life, or are you gonna make a mark?

Okay, l have the money right here.

Even money, $1 .50.

You don't even have to

open the cash register.

Even change. And, dear....

Oh, sh*t!

Ever since l read your stuff, man,

l've been thinking...

l can write comic book stories...

that are different from anything

that's been done.

l figure the guys who are doing

animal comics...

and superhero stuff, they're really limited.

Because they got to try to appeal to kids.

And underground stuff like yours

has been really subversive...

and it's opened things up politically...

but there's still plenty more

to be done with them, too.

Pass the ketchup.

The words, the pictures,

they could be more of an art form.

You know, like those French movies...

or De Sica over in ltaly.

So, anyway, l tried....

l tried writing some stuff about real life...

stuff that the everyman's got to deal with.

These are all about you?

Yeah.

You've turned yourself into a comic hero.

Sort of, but there's no idealized sh*t.

There's no phony bullshit.

This is the real thing, man.

You know, ordinary life

is pretty complex stuff.

These are really...

good.

Really, you think so?

Yeah, this is great stuff. l dig it.

Can l take them home and illustrate them?

You'd really do that for me, man?

That would be great because

l can't even draw a straight line, Bob.

What's up with your voice, Harv?

All of a sudden, you sound fine.

l don't know, man. l guess you cured me.

That Bonnie, her legs go forever.

How smart is she?

l don't know. l guess she's about average.

Average? Hey, man, average is dumb.

So what if she's dumb? l don't care.

''Hey, man, average is dumb.''

F*** that. That's all stories by yours truly.

-Hot off the presses?

-That's right.

We have a regular Hemingway here.

No way, l don't go in

for any of that macho crap.

l didn't know you could draw.

No, l don't draw, doc. l write the stories.

-Harvey, am l in here?

-You're in there, all right? Take it easy.

A buddy of mine and some of his friends

do the art work.

Let me see this.

Mr. Boats, it's not polite to grab things.

Next time--

lt's not bad.

Son, you done good.

But you know, l was up in Toronto

a few weeks back.

l saw the Red Chinese ballet.

Now, that was beautiful.

The way those people

were dancing together...

those Chinese, they work hard, l tell you.

Where's everybody going?

Where are you sick men rushing off to?

You ain't going nowhere for now.

Probably not for a long time.

But damn if they're not a rushing off

to get there.

Harvey, how do your co-workers and friends

feel about you putting them in your comics?

They love it. They can't get enough of it.

They come up to me demanding to know

why I'm not in the new issue.

Most of them.

What about overhearing what people say?

Are you always listening at work?

Were you listening riding the bus?

-The supermarket?

-Yeah, l listen.

l fall asleep on people, too,

but l listen some.

Here's our man, eight comics later.

A brand new decade, same old bullshit.

Sure, he gets lots of recognition

for his writing now.

His comics are praised by all the important

media types telling people what to think.

But so what?

It's not like he makes

a living at it, like Bob Crumb.

He can't go and quit his day job or nothing.

Who am I kidding?

Truth is, I'd be lost without my work routine.

l got a Job.

Hi, Harvey.

Do you want these gourmet Jelly beans?

l gave up sweets for Lent.

-Yeah, sure, l'll take them.

-l recommend the pina coladas.

They're excellent and very authentic tasting.

lt's watermelon. That's pretty good.

Wait till you try the pina coladas.

Tell me something.

Can you eat lentils during Lent?

Sure, l don't see why not.

You can't eat meat on certain days...

but lentils should be acceptable anytime.

Do you think there's any connection

between lentils and Lent?

l don't think so. But l'll ask Sister Mary Fred

at church on Sunday.

Sister Mary Fred, huh?

ls she cute? She sounds kind of mannish,

but who the hell am l to be picky?

You're funny. She's a nun.

So what? Maybe she became a nun

because she couldn't get a guy.

She became a nun

because she had a higher calling.

Higher calling? What a crock of sh*t.

l don't even know why you

bother praying anyway.

l enJoy the ritual,

and l'm a very spiritual person.

You know, you should try

believing in something bigger than yourself.

lt might cheer you up.

What, do l seem depressed?

Cut!

That was great, guys.

The bakery scene's next.

The bakery scene's next?

l didn't know of a bakery scene.

Did you ever hear of a bakery scene?

Bakery is my scene, but not in that way.

Forget the bakery, let's eat some Jelly beans.

l think one might be lime.

One might be mint.

What's the difference between this and this?

One's cherry, one's cinnamon.

You could tell that by Just looking at them?

Not me. l have to put it in my mouth first.

Loneliness can feel so bad.

There have been times I've felt lonely...

'cause a lot of the time,

it was just me and my grandmother.

I'd just be sitting in my room all day...

watching television or reading books.

That was before

I bought a computer, of course.

How do you cope with loneliness, Harvey?

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