Americans in Bed Page #8

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person's company,

you can even, you know,

hold hands with somebody.

Once you go to, like,

the intimacy of--

Who you holding hands with?

I'm just say--you know

what I mean. Sexually,

that's what I'm saying.

Sexually, like if you,

you're in a bed

with someone else,

you're f***ing having sex

with another woman

and you have a woman at home

that's yours, that you

pledged your faith to

and you're doing that,

you're a dirt bag.

Yeah, I don't think--

And my father was like that,

I know many people

like that, and I said

to myself,

"I am not gonna be

like that." I never

cheated on my first wife.

I was married for 10 years.

I never cheated on her.

Never, and believe me,

that was hard.

[Both laugh]

So I think it would

be over, totally.

That's...

Yeah, that would

be it for us.

It would be done.

Why, you got something

to tell me?

No.

Ha ha ha ha!

Well, everybody

has chances,

a girl or a man.

There's always women

that'll...

try to make a married man,

you know,

and there's always men

that'll try to hang onto a--

my butcher used to always

want to take me out.

Ha ha ha!

But I would never do that.

I'm just--

I'm just not the kind.

I'm lucky to get undressed

in bed with one man.

Ha ha!

But I wouldn't.

The thought of getting

undressed in bed

with another man?

No way.

Yeah, she's a prude,

all right.

No way, no way.

And that was kind

of unique for me, too.

Whatever it was,

it's worked.

Whatever made it work,

I don't know, but--

Because I married--

I can truthfully say

I've only slept

with one man.

I've never fooled around.

Well, I--you know,

a little bit.

The old days, they'd be--

fool around a little bit,

but otherwise,

outside of that...

We feel fidelity's

very important.

I think my--just

the ability to trust--

I need stability in

order to move forward

in this relationship,

and as long

as I know my partner

and I are on board,

moving in

the same direction

and not veering off,

cheating on each other,

I can feel confident

to keep moving forward.

I have a big concern,

too, about, um,

about venereal disease;

I somehow--

I've managed--

by the grace of God,

I've managed to go

through the HIV,

that heavy period

through the late

seventies, eighties

where every day

it was making news,

and I've managed

to escape it, you know,

unscathed,

HIV-negative here.

Last thing I want is

to do something stupid.

Think about

the consequences

'cause I feel too many

people don't think about

the ramifications

of a simple act.

I do also do think

it's quite possible

to be monogamous.

As human beings,

we're sexual beings,

and it's completely natural

to explore and want to be

with other people.

It's just--what really,

you know, stops me is,

really, hurting

someone else.

So, like, if he's not--

if he wants monogamy,

um, you know, for me,

I guess

I'll--I'll be

monogamous, you know.

ROBERTA:
I have...

not been faithful

in the sense of...

desiring, um,

and thinking

of someone else.

And I think--

I know that that's

a betrayal to him,

and he--right?

Right.

It's not that I didn't

feel desired,

because Antonio,

at that time,

our, um...

our love life was

very active,

but I was obviously

missing something

in my life,

some kind of

understanding, I think.

It's hard for me to talk

about this because he

doesn't want to know.

I can feel it

from him right now...

that he doesn't want

to hear this,

right?

No, it's fine.

Really?

Yeah. That's fine.

You know, I mean,

what happened happens...

[Sighs]

And you know that.

Yeah.

He did get even.

I never thought

he would...

have an affair.

I never did.

and then that was--

reality, you know,

strikes and slaps

you in the face.

And...I believe

that the reason

he had an affair

was because

I had gotten so fat,

so overweight

that he had

no desire for me,

and, um,

and that he didn't

want to be with me

and I didn't think

he loved me.

[Chuckles]

And I thought it was

all physical, I thought

it was sexual;

you know, that I couldn't--

that I wasn't sexually

attractive to him anymore

and that's why

he went off and

had this affair.

I couldn't stand to walk

in front of him.

I couldn't stand

myself--heh! --

'cause I truly did

blame me

that he was sleeping

with this other woman

who wasn't fat...

and who would go out

dancing with him.

I still think that.

Ha ha!

I still think that he...

[Sniffles]

That he desires other

women, not me. Heh!

RED:
There probably

are some people

that have an obsession

with sex,

and they need it

almost as much as you

need new blouses.

Ha ha ha!

You know?

What a comparison.

Well, it is,

because Helen is

continuously

buying blouses,

continuously.

She may need slacks,

but she'll wind up

buying blouses.

I do need new pants.

See?

She'll go

to the store to

buy underwear,

come back with

a new blouse,

you know.

Do you wear

the new underwear they--

Some people that--

Do you wear

the new underwear

the girls wear,

that bikini-style

underwear?

I bought some.

I hate 'em.

I really don't like 'em.

They suck up,

they come up here,

and your fat sticks out

here, I'm telling you.

But I bought 'em

because they're modern.

Ha ha!

But I like--go back

to regular pants.

I think, too, that

we don't browse among

the different racks...

No, but if--

Where the women do

look around.

What do I wear

every day, Red?

I wear pants

and a blouse.

Right.

That's what I wear

every day.

But there's only

365 days of the year.

[Scoffs]

Ha ha ha!

KEVIN:
She made

her decision, I made

a decision to be here,

so I have to do right by

what we've both said

is our foundation...

so that's

pretty much it.

I don't like--

I don't like talking

about stuff like that

too much at all,

so I'm just like, "Yeah,

I screwed up."

Uh, It happened.

You know, you have

to take ownership to

a certain degree,

which is something that I've

recently learned as well

because I would have--

and I did--just sit

there and apologize:

"Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it."

She's like,

"No, you meant it

because you did it,"

and I'm like,

"You know what?

You're right.

"I meant it 'cause

I did it and 'cause

the time I was in it,

I was doing it

with conviction

and it felt like

that's what I wanted to

do and nobody could tell

me anything different.

That was like

a weight lifted off

of my shoulder,

and that's when

we started the whole

healing process,

which was and is

still a fun ride

because we're always--

nowadays we're always

preaching new ways

of falling in love

and being in love

and stuff like that.

So it's like I'll

tell her nowadays, like,

"Oh, this is why

I love you all over

again" or, you know--

What is it I said

the other day?

I said, "I'm falling

in love with you

all over again"

or, you know, whatever

the case may be.

So we're still trying,

you know.

It's hard to get him

emotional.

It's like, if you tap,

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