Americans in Bed Page #9

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you have to tap softly.

You have to go like this,

and then eventually, like,

the skin is gonna give way.

Eventually,

one of these days.

Like, it does.

Eventually

it breaks, right?

And you get in

a little bit deeper,

but then,

if you get in too deep--

you have to keep tapping it,

but if you get in

too deep and he feels it,

he pulls it back out.

You do, and when he

pulls it back out,

he puts his shield there,

he's just like, "No!

What are you doing?"

And he'll crack jokes.

I'm not cracking a joke now.

But I'm gonna

tell you one thing.

When we first made love,

he cried. Ha ha ha!

Like a baby.

Ha ha ha ha!

That's how you know

how emotional

he can--and is.

That didn't happen.

Rome was

not built in a day,

and neither were we.

It took a lot for us

to get to where we are,

and it's gonna take

a lot to get to where

we want to be.

Yep.

I agree.

Ha ha ha!

Can I go back

to sleep now?

OK, thank you.

No!

I'm gonna kill you!

Ha ha ha!

Oh...ha ha ha!

JULIE:
At the forefront

of what we're working on

right now

in our relationship

is how we fight.

And I think that, if

in a perfect world,

if it was,

like, a normal thing

to do, that everybody

for one hour a week

worked on

their relationship

with a mediator,

I think that would

actually be really

helpful for everybody,

and I feel like

what we could work on

is how we fight

or how we communicate

or whatever,

which probably most

male-female couples

need help with.

And I think that it was

certainly helpful for me

to understand

certain things about,

like, how your mind

works a little bit.

And I hope

you got something

out of it, too,

although I'd probably

venture to say no.

Ha ha ha ha!

We saw an

Israeli man, though.

That was helpful.

Right?

Yes.

You told me to say

whatever, so I'm

saying--being honest.

That's cool.

She's always

accusing me of, like,

not learning anything,

I never think I'm wrong,

and all that kind of stuff,

which, like--

That's true.

You think it's true.

You said to me in that fight

the other night. You said,

"I don't like to be wrong."

I don't like--

who likes to be wrong?

I didn't say--but not--

A lot of people do like

to be wrong because when

you're wrong, you say,

"Oh, you know what?

I didn't think of it that

way," like, "I learned"--

I've never met anybody

that likes to be wrong.

I mean, one--

it's, like, liking being

wrong or understanding

that you're wrong

are two totally

different things.

Liking you're wrong is

like--that's some weird--

I've never even heard of that.

OK, but understanding

that you're wrong is,

like, admitting

you're wrong,

apologizing, you know.

I think everybody has

places that they need

to grow...

Those are all things

that I am accused

of never being.

I think those are things

you need to work on,

not just accusing.

I think that there's

things I need

to work on.

That's not "I don't need

to work on them."

I'm very good at being

like, "Oh, that was wrong,

I'm sorry," you know?

Understanding--

You are,

you definitely are.

Right, I'm great at

that, but the problem is

when one person's

excellent at,

like, apologizing

and admitting their wrongs,

and the other person is

not as good at it

or needs more work

in that area, you can very

quickly fall into a pattern

of one person seeming like

the villain and, like,

they're always wrong

because they're able to see

their mistakes clearer,

perhaps, than

the other person.

And I think that

that's a challenge

for the person who is,

you know,

very introspective,

my opinion.

GEORGE:
I've always

wanted kids, and we went

down the adoption route.

And then we switched

gears and went down

the surrogacy route,

and just the idea

of having your own

biological child is

something that,

growing up gay,

you never thought of.

But having your own

biological child--and in

this case, we have twins,

where I'm the

biological dad of one

and Farid's the biological

father of the other--

you know, just was

an exciting road

to go down.

Yeah, and then

to see these,

you know, squirmy,

squiggly, gooey things

coming out

and, like,

"Here's your baby!"

And I'm--you know, it

was very strange 'cause

I wasn't--you know,

I don't know how

you prepare

to love an object

that shows up

in your life.

"I guess I'm

supposed to love

you, starting now."

Ha ha ha!

It's just deeper

and, you know, being

more committed

and more involved

in a relationship.

[Voice cracking]

But that they're aware

that they're loved.

Yeah, he gets

very emotional when

it comes to the kids.

Sure, I love

these babies. I really do.

I'm so in love with them.

I think he's gonna be

a super father.

I think he's gonna be

a great dad,

so he's great to have

as a co-parent, you know.

I have no doubt the kids

are gonna benefit.

I benefit; I have no doubt

the kids are gonna benefit.

And I'm hoping the kids,

you know--as he goes

through his journey

and through life, you know,

I hope the kids also offer

some sort of healing,

you know?

What about you?

[Sniffles]

Me offer you? I feel

like I'm offering you--

He's putting the,

you know, the--

No, I'm not.

The responsibility

on other people.

Oh, look at you.

He's checking out.

No, I'm not.

Let's talk

about checking out.

I'm calling him out.

He should stay in

his vulnerable stage--

Uh-huh.

What about you, huh?

What about taking

ownership of--ha!

You know I don't tear up.

What I need from you?

Yeah, I feel I'm doing

a good job as--I feel I'm

doing a very good job.

Instead of, like,

"I'm hoping the children,"

don't worry about hoping.

How about "I know

that I can, but"--

Oh, I can say "I hope"

about the children,

the children to...

Ha ha ha!

Anyway, where were you?

You were crying.

[Both laugh]

LINDA:
It affects

the relationship

if you don't get

that intimacy

and connection.

It just--you just feel

like you're starting

to pull apart.

And then, when you have

that again, you're drawn

back together

and you're closer,

you know?

It just--it makes

a big difference,

you know?

Yeah.

And we know, I mean,

and we're free

to tell each other,

"You know what?

"I need to reconnect,

I need a little

something-something, so..."

"When I come home,

if you happen

to be in bed..."

[Both chuckle]

Text-messaging is wonderful.

"If I come home

and you happen to be

ready to go in the bed,

I'm just saying..."

"Taking care of business

will happen."

We have a great

relationship. The sex

is just the icing.

Yeah, I just feel

so safe with this woman

that I don't need that--

I don't want

to say I don't need

that physical release.

I don't know how

to put it.

Oh, yeah you do.

But--shh!

[Giggles]

ROBERTA:
I've grown

to love him

differently than when

I started loving him.

Um...

it was a clingy kind

of passionate love

that starts off,

and, um...

I do love him.

When you get together

with somebody,

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