Amici miei - Come tutto ebbe inizio Page #2

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- You tried to call her for half an hour.

- Yes!

It was busy. And I'd

also like to know why.

I'll tell you why. She

was busy too, too, too...

- But what did you do?

- I turned left.

And what is there on the left?

The hell if I know. Gypsies

turn wherever they want.

[That means to be gypsies.]

[That's the gypsy thing: we leave

with no destination and no purpose...]

[...and our journey can last

one or two days, or a week.]

[Once it lasted twenty days,

except for a couple of hitches.]

Here, brake.

- Help! - Have you got a

room for four? - With a bath!

- My shoulder, oh my!

- My goodness! Assassin!

Mommy dear! A priest!

[One of the best times of

our lives started that way:]

[...the four of us in the

same room out of town.]

[Far away from our wives, lovers, business,

and with a whole hospital at our disposal.]

It was about time!

- I have seen the Madonna!

- I want the chaplain!

- ...the bedpan! - The

chaplain! - The Madonna!

- You've called me four times already...

- Sister...

- with the tarapia tapioco as if...

- I've seen the Madonna!

- I want the chaplain, the chaplain...

- I've seen the Madonna!

- The chaplain! - Enough!

- I've seen the Madonna!

The other people are really sick here!

- Tomorrow you'll settle it with the doctor.

- Unhooded?

# The long, long, long, long shits...

# ...run and melt. They need a bedpan...

# ... from the sister.

# The long, long, long, long shits... #

[In the end the doctor gave

us such powerful sedatives...]

[...that we slept all

night like pumpkins.]

[And so, the day after we

woke up fresh and rested...]

[...ready to start again.]

- Well, at this point...

- # The long, long, long, long shits...

# ...run and melt. They need a bedpan...

# ...from the sister. #

I warn you:

...either you end up this

buffoonery, or I'll separate you.

I'll send you all to

different floors and wards.

- Who wanted the bedpan?

- He did!

There's nothing to laugh about!

630 of cholesterol, 3,2 of glycaemia.

First of all no more cigars!

A litre and three quarters, with

a three percent of B6 solution.

- Who saw the Madonna?

- He did!

Bipolar electroencephalogram.

And who asked for the chaplain?

Well! Call Don Ulrico.

- And you, what's wrong with you?

- Professor, you won't believe it.

Antani like a traction

for two, even if it were...

...a tarred supercazzola,

it is unhooked towards right.

I see.

Three doses of Afasol, one

hour long each. Immediately!

There's still half an

hour to go! Enjoy it!

No! No! But what are you doing?

That's not a rubber

syringe! I want my lawyer!

(With a German accent) Repent,

therefore, of your wickedness...

...because you're a slave to evil...

...and hell awaits you.

- But when has he seen the Madonna?

- Before fainting.

- He had a vision.

- Couldn't it be one of our nuns?

No. She wasn't wearing

either a uniform...

...or a blue dress. She had a fur on.

Close your eyes.

Hey! But what are you doing?

Where does that corridor lead?

To the psychiatrist's. But calm down.

I can't! I have seen the Madonna! Again!

But what are you doing?

Those rings are all crooked...

Should we call Giotto to draw a target?

I'm not crazy! I wasn't hallucinating!

She exists! The most beautiful

woman I've ever seen! Look!

- Quick or she'll leave! There she is!

- Nice piece of p*ssy pie!

- Not bad!

- P*ssy? But she's Laura! She's Beatrice!

And didn't Laura and Beatrice

have a p*ssy? They did!

What Laura! What

Beatrice! She's Cleopatra!

Oh my goodness!

- He's' fainted! - Are you

okay? - Who told her? Here!

Hello, Miss? I'm Perozzi, room 31.

Someone with a beige dress, curly

hair and three roses will ask about me.

Yes. Tell her I'm very sick.

That visits are forbidden,

and I can't see anybody.

- What do you think?

- Pretty! Pretty! Long thighs, like an antelope.

- Well, she has a defect

though... - Sure! - What is it?

She messes with that Nazi

Head of the Physician.

- Where's he taking her?

- Where? Where I'll go in a moment. Look!

That's a pig, besides being a torturer.

and he takes advantage of his

position to harass his poor patients.

I'll call the police!

What are you saying? They're married.

She's the professor's wife. She's

undergoing psychiatric treatment.

[For Melandri it was love

at first sight as usual.]

[which usually involves

the rest of us too...]

[...because when Melandri falls in love

he becomes an unbearable dead weight.]

- Macaroni pie! Delicious!

- Ah!

Aren't you joining us? It's

awfully good, Necchi's wife made it.

Of course not!

Shall we play target-shooting spitting

at the ceiling? You'll get distracted.

- But not while we're eating.

- No, thanks.

- Sorry guys, I can't make it.

- No! I'm the one who can't make it!

We can't go on living with a corpse.

- I want to go to a different hospital, or at least to a different ward!

- Quiet!

- I'd better stay with the leper than with an arsehole.

- Calm down!

Sit down!

Here is a typical threesome:

he, she and the other man.

Well, he is a piece of sh*t

who deserves to be cheated on.

- She...

- A piece of p*ssy pie.

- Well, yes!

- As regards the other man I've been wondering, for a long time:

why does he always give in so soon?

Because she is too

beautiful, unreachable.

And he is an important man, with a

strong personality, the charismatic type.

- What can I hope for?

- Nothing.

Nothing, I agree.

In fact, if you weren't a jerk but

a horse, I'd bet on you at 1 to 200.

And I would win...

because Melandri has an advantage:

the shrink.

- Who?

- The headshrinker, the psychoanalyst.

And if a woman goes to the psychoanalyst,

there's something missing in her life.

And what does a woman miss in

her life 99 times out of 100?

Love!

- Oh!

- Intravenous, sister? I'm ready.

One and five!

Hello? May I talk to the lady?

Oh! That's you! Who am I?

You seem an educated person.

You'll certainly remember

Homer and his Odyssey.

Madam, my name is Nobody!

- I'm so cool!

- No! I think it was too intellectual.

It was a masterpiece!

It's a shame. What do

you want to achieve?

Let us work for you!

Nothing affects a woman more than

eight or ten phone calls a day.

- Yes, eight or ten fucks.

- Don't count on me.

- That is deception.

- Keep quiet!

Now, now!

Hello? Yes, that's still me.

No, I don't want anything.

I only needed to hear your voice again!

Hello? It's me.

Tarapia tapioco as if it were antani

with a premature supercazzola...

...unhooded towards the right. Of course

you don't understand, I'm talking nonsense!

When I think about your

well-shaped thighs, I go crazy.

Describe your nipples in detail...

- What are you doing? Pig!

- What am I doing? Working.

- Putting my two cents in. - Your

dirty cents! - To each, his own.

One cannot always flirt as you do!

Let's give her a few loving strokes.

- Why don't you give them to Titti, ugly pig?

- I do, I do!

Material and prosaic,

that's how you are!

- Three!

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