Amici miei - Come tutto ebbe inizio Page #3

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- Three, six, nine.

One, two, three, four, five, six,

seven, eight and nine. My turn.

- Start preparing her.

- I will.

- Tell her I'm not handsome.

- Don't worry.

- That's important.

- We'll see to it.

Donatella! How do I know? I

know many things about you.

Can I call you Donatella?

Thanks, Donatella.

I know many, many things about

you! So many! For example...

For example, I... For

example, for example...

For example. Donatella, I know

you aren't happy. Don't deny it.

I also know that's why you're

seeing a psychologist. Stop doing it.

You don't need it anymore.

You want to know why? I won't

tell you why. Ask your heart...

- Enough! She'll get bored to death.

- Shh! She'll hear you!

- Shall we give her a loving stroke?

- But who do you want to strike?

- Let's get to the point!

- It won't work!

Look at him! How nice!

And without calling her!

Who was the first she

treated with familiarity? Me.

But who made her weep?

Necchi did. When I said:

"Bid me not to call you

anymore, and I shall obey".

She sobbed in this ear for an hour.

Because you didn't

hear her moan in my ear.

- She moaned?

- Yes. When I told her: "I'd lick you from head to toe".

And when was it?

Yesterday, from the public phone.

You won't let me call her from here!

Because you're a pig and

don't understand that woman.

You think they're all the same!

Yes! Let me work and you'll

see. We're almost there.

- Where?

- To the phone wank.

- I hope you're joking.

- Not at all. On the contrary! I'll show you at once.

- Here, in front of us? - Alright, I'll use

the public phone... - But what's he doing?

Hello? It's me.

Love, love, my love! Enough

now! I must meet you. Yes.

If you agree as well,

tell me where and when.

Alright.

She said no, did she?

- She said yes.

- Where? - When?

Do you think I'm going to tell you?

You think I'm an idiot, don't you?

[Melandri escaped on April

23rd at eight forty pm.]

[We saw him leave, and we secretly

hoped that he screwed it up.]

[We counted on the

shock she would get...]

[...seeing Melandri, about whose aspect

we had carefully avoided to tell her.]

Hello? It's me.

I knew it.

- It was better if I kept being only a voice. Goodbye.

- Wait! Why?

Why? I frightened you so much that you

broke a glass! Do I look like King Kong?

Not at all! What are you saying?

I'm sorry. I'm a little nervous.

Me too. I have my nerves on edge.

You've invited me to

dinner, if I am not wrong.

Then, would you have a seat please?

Have a seat.

- Do you mind if I keep the...

- No, but...

- on the phone you weren't so formal.

- You're right, but...

...I don't know why, but

everything's different now.

For me too.

So...

Where do we start?

How about a hors d'oeuvre?

Come on! Where do we start

speaking, to know each other better.

- Sorry, I'm a little...

- I don't even know your name.

You never wanted to tell me your name.

- Architect Rambaldo Melandri.

- Nice to meet you!

Nothing?

She wanted to meet you, she must

have uttered one sentence at least.

Just a sentence, but

as sharp as a knife.

"I have accepted to see

you only to warn you..."

"...If you don't stop harassing

me, I'll tell my husband".

- Listen...

- Hey, but those are mine!

- ...but has she said that before or after seeing you?

- Before.

[We didn't want to act

cruelly towards our friend...]

[...who preferred to leave

the hospital and us...]

[...also to avoid the danger

of meeting that woman again.]

Forgive me, but I need to be

alone with my pain for a while.

Please, don't look for me,

okay? Don't ask after me.

I will show up when I'm alright.

If I ever will.

Goodbye.

[But as soon as he had disappeared,

our sympathy for him...]

[...was replaced by our pride.]

What a b*tch!

Who was she expecting? Marlon Brando?

Moreover, she made us work like crazy.

I'll phone her right

now! I have to punish her.

I'll phone her!

That b*tch!

Hello? It's me.

- What? - What happens?

- What's she saying?

She says the sand and my

perfume are still on her.

Yes, love, yes.

Me too. Very much.

You can't imagine how much.

Bye!

- So? - He's done

her! - He's done her!

He's done her!

On the beach. In the

moonlight. Have you heard?

That son of a lesbian b*tch!

"Forgive me, guys. I don't know if I can

make it. Leave me alone." Can you believe it?

What a friend! Pig! Filthy! False!

[And, after deciding not to

name that traitor anymore...]

[...we all went back to our

separate and usual lives...]

[...after that accident which

had left marks on us all.]

[Marks that I decided to

exaggerate a little...]

[...to break up with a certain

person in an elegant way...]

[someone who had started

to say things like:]

[..."I would need that

you needed me so much".]

It makes 300. [Therefore, I emphasized

some of the after-effects of my fractures.]

Wait for me, love, this hump

prevents me from running as I used to.

Come on, the train is leaving.

- I can't. - I'll take

it. - Here, come on.

- Bruna! Bruna!

- Yes!

- Get back soon, my kitten, as soon as you can.

- I will!

You know how much I need you.

But my sister needs me too. As

soon as she has recovered I...

She will recover, you'll see. I bring good luck

now. But you aren't trying to get rid of me, are you?

- What are you saying?

- I've got a bad sensation.

See, madam,

besides the hump, hunchbacks

get a sixth sense. Bye!

- Bye! Bye!

- Bye! Bye!

[And the sensation came

true. I never saw her again.]

- You touched my

hump! - Me? - Yes.

- You're wrong...

- You've touched my hump...

...to pass school tests.

- I assure you th...

- I felt you, you know?

- But...

Now she plays the angel! Study

instead of touching people's humps!

- She seemed so respectable!

- Come on, sit down.

- That's absurd!

- They're all the same!

- Oh, my goodness!

- Thanks!

[And since I was a hunchback, I

remained a hunchback till I got home...]

Hi! [... but I hadn't

considered my son.]

[I never remember if he teaches

in Milan on the odd days...]

[...and here in Florence on

the even days, or vice versa.]

[On which Sunday he stays

with me or goes to his mother.]

[In any case, he always shows

up when I'm not expecting him.]

Dad!

- Don't worry, Luciano.

- How couldn't I, with a dad like you?

[He didn't fall for it for a moment.]

[Because he is intelligent, no doubt,]

[but he lacks sense of humour.]

And don't think you can do

to me what you did to mum.

You made her go crazy.

But when will you grow up, dad,

and stop acting like an idiot?

[I wondered if the idiot was

me, who saw life like a game...]

[...or if it was him,

who saw it like a prison.]

[Or if we were both idiots.]

[Necchi, on the other hand,

found out his right arm...]

[...still hurt when he

made specific movements...]

[...above all when he had to stick

stamps on the football pools coupons.]

Ouch! The professor told me:

..."Total recovery. You can make any

movement but don't press your thumbs".

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