Amici miei - Come tutto ebbe inizio Page #4

---

And I have to press and drag

my thumb. How unlucky of me!

Leave it to me. And we'll hire

someone else for Saturdays.

I can't do it. It hurts.

- Crisis, guys!

- Yes, the lira collapsed!

Not that! Judas is in a serious crisis!

- Oh! Is he?

- Hell yes!

No way! They used to dance "My foolish

heart" and dine in the candle light...

- They did...

- Then?

...but since he wanted to feed

her, his beard caught fire.

- And then?

- They broke up!

Actually his beard has

nothing to do with it.

They say they can't

keep on being in hiding.

Their screams almost

broke down the walls.

They'd like to tell the world: "I

love Molly Pucci! I love Cippa Lippa!".

The milkman's boy passing

by goes like:
" Prr!".

- Oh, here's the bill.

- What's that?

You said you would buy the

Universal Encyclopaedia?

But if you changed your

mind I'll tear it up.

- Wait! If you're in need...

- I'm always in need.

But I'm not a beggar!

After all, don't worry.

I am about to make a

large business deal.

One hundred thousand? Are you crazy?

We're talking the whole leg

here, not the little finger!

- And it's the right leg too.

- So what? I know full well.

Look. The plaster reaches

up to the knee. It's blocked.

- Here, up to the ankle.

- But it can be unblocked.

- How, it can be unblocked?

- It can just be unblocked!

What do you care! It's already

been estimated by the insurance.

With such a leg you'll

get at least L. 800.000.

Here is the assessment. Give me L.

200.000 cash, and the leg is yours.

- And what's the use of it?

- Then I'll go to another usurer.

[In the end he sold the rights on his

leg to a greengrocer from Candeli...]

[...who gave him 650 lbs. of

potatoes and a 1959 Oldsmobile...]

[...which even a

car-wrecker would refuse...]

[...but which made Mascetti

self-confident, instead...]

[...as he thought he could

widen his sphere of activity.]

[No news from Melandri, instead...]

[till one day Mascetti asked us to reach

him in Pescia as quickly as possible.]

- Too late.

- Why?

- Why is it too late? - Because

he got in long ago. - Who?

Melandri.

- Melandri?

- There where?

- He got in to the villa of Nazi... Of the professor.

- Oh!

- I came to sell him an encyclopaedia.

- And then?

And then I saw Melandri's car arrive...

...I hid here and saw him

get off in a black suit...

...with a collared coat and a bow tie...

Fulminating God! He went to

tell her husband! And then?

I called you at once because he's going

to ruin himself. We have to do something.

- What can we do?

- Calm down, guys!

- Calm down my arse!

- You know her husband, don't you?

You know he's a beast.

Then let him settle that.

He'll peel off his skin and

make a lampshade out of it.

[It was an error of judgement.]

If this was a sophisticated

comedy instead of a drama...

at this point the protagonist

would tell the antagonist:

..."Professor, I came to ask

your wife's hand in marriage".

Is that all?

Yes. No! Let me add that in front of you

there's a man who's ready for anything.

- Also to take the beast?

- Sorry?

That thing there.

He's Birillo, Donatella's

dog. She loves him a lot.

Of course I'll take him.

He eats a kilo of sliced meat a day,

plus one and a half kilos of rice...

... and he needs to be walked

out at five o'clock every morning.

Those are careless details!

Let's discuss serious things,

instead. Important things.

- Let's speak of the children.

- Let's speak of them.

Since you're so

comprehensive and polite...

...I appeal to your good heart...

...so that Donatella can

see her creatures. Regularly.

At least once every two weeks.

No?

- Here, I knew it.

- No, you misunderstood me.

I said no, because I'm the one who will

come to see the creatures at your place.

Maybe not once every two weeks,

but we'll come to an agreement.

Then, you...

Of course.

See, this is a whole chain of affections

that neither I or you can break.

You love my wife.

My wife loves Birillo.

Birillo adores the children.

- The children are attached to the governess.

- The governess?

German. She signed a two-year

contract. She's very strict. In uniform.

I mean, who takes Donatella

takes the whole package.

[We had really lost him and we

didn't look for him anymore.]

[We preferred to remember

him as when he was alive.]

[So, we only received third-hand

and fourth-hand news of him...]

[...occasional, casual,

and more and more tragic.]

But where are you going?

Come here! Come here!

Come here!

[But on a rainy night]

[...the lost sheep

returned to the fold.]

Good evening all.

It's been a while, huh?

- How are you? Are you

well? - We are. - So and so.

What bad weather!

I'm so cold...

- How about a punch? Shall I heat up...

- No, I'm fine thanks.

- How about a game?

- Come on! We've just started. We'll play in couples.

- You and Mascetti vs. me and Perozzi.

- Good. This way you'll get warm.

Pick your usual cue and

go for the opening shot.

Here's the cue ball.

Shoot well, alright?

So guys. How are you?

How are you?

- Well.

- Good!

How's the lady? And the

children? And the doggie?

- Very well.

- Very well my arse! What kind of opening is that?

You got down a ton of pins!

My hand shakes.

Let's stop acting, guys.

I can't take it anymore.

I want to kill that filthy beast!

- The dog?

- Not the dog! The husband!

F*** him and his pewter coasters.

- The coasters?

- Yes. The ones he has, while I don't.

And everything's like that. He comes

and goes, eats and sleeps at my place.

And he's always blaming

me, he makes comparisons.

I'm always on trial, I'm depressed.

The other night he even f***ed the maid!

- Wow!

- Yes!

- What a fellow.

- I'd have never conceived that.

Because he's

inconceivable! He's a devil.

Guys, help me.

Tomorrow he'll come for a

visit. Join us for dinner.

I won't make it alone, but the four of

us together, like in the good old days...

One says a joke, another

makes a remark... Come on!

We've ruined so many people!

Together we'll make meatballs of them!

# Beautiful daughter of love... #

- Bravo, dad!

- Great! Beautiful voice.

Dinner's ready! Take seats.

- Please...

- Good!

- To my left.

- Thanks.

- That's your seat.

- Thanks, madam.

- Please - You're very

kind. - This is my seat.

Well? Wasn't dinner ready?

- Just moment! The jacket!

- It was about time!

Finally!

- Isn't the maid here? - We

hired a new one part-time.

- She sleeps at her

place. - Wine? - Yes.

- Watch out for the drops!

- Oh! Too late!

- Why don't you get pewter coasters?

- That's true.

You know them, don't you?

- They're so handy!

- Please!

No pewter coasters allowed in this

house. Am I correct, architect?

Surgeon, why don't you get a piece

of the pie before it gets cold.

Why, is that a pie?

Yessir!

Well, the architect is

right. The pie's all pied.

It couldn't be more pied than

that! It seems an abortion!

My friend, in this house

substance matters more than form.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes