Amira & Sam Page #2

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Wait. Well,

maybe this is right.

What is it? What?

Well, it says that you

did multiple tours

and you're not

claiming disability.

Yep.

Why is that?

Because I'm not disabled.

You should still file a claim.

I'm not looking for a handout.

All I need from you is

a copy of my medical records.

Can you please do that for me?

Sure.

Thank you.

I just...

I just don't think

I've ever met anyone like you.

Well, that feeling is mutual.

And when we do, he would

give it back to me.

I'm going on

another long job today.

Behave while I'm gone.

OK.

You wanted to see me?

I'm gonna have to

let you go, Sam.

- F***.

- F*** is right.

Apparently those a**holes

you trapped in the elevator

have friends in high places.

Yeah.

You ever collect

unemployment before?

Because with your

military background,

you may even be eligible

for some disabilities.

No. I'll find another job.

I'll be fine.

Do what you gotta do, kid.

- Hey, Sam.

- Yeah.

- Good luck, huh?

- Thank you, Robert.

Yeah, Lawrence,

can you... yeah.

Can you listen to me

for a second?

Just... I promise you today.

I am gonna paper

something together,

and we're gonna be

in great shape.

You have to trust me.

You have to trust me.

Come in!

Yeah, yeah. Hey.

Can I call you back?

OK, bye.

Hey, man.

How you doing, dude?

Good to see ya.

- How are you, Charlie?

- I'm good, I'm good, man.

How's that job?

I got fired.

Oh, no sh*t, man.

I'm sorry, dude.

- What happened?

- It's not your fault.

I really appreciate you

putting in a good word

for me and everything.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Why'd you get fired?

I locked a couple guys

in an elevator.

You lock... that's amazing.

That's awesome.

Why... How did that... Why did you

lock a couple guys

in an elevator?

They were being

drunk and stupid.

It's my fault.

I shouldn't have done it.

No. Well, if they were being

a**holes, f*** 'em, dude.

Here.

Have a seat, man.

Let's shoot the sh*t here.

So, what are you gonna do now?

With no job,

what are you gonna do?

I don't know. Yeah.

I don't know.

Where are you living?

Oh, I actually just found

a great place on Staten Island.

Staten Island has great places?

- Well...

- it's amazing.

Yeah, it's cheaper

than Manhattan.

Hey, man, in all sincerity,

I'd be more than happy

to lend you some cash

for a place in Manhattan.

I know. I appreciate it.

I really do.

- OK.

- But I can't take it.

Not a chance.

I figured you would say that.

But I do have something I've

been wanting to give you, man,

for a while now.

- Here.

- What is this?

It's the keys to Grandpa's boat.

It's still docked

down in Brooklyn.

You can have her.

He left it to you.

Are you serious?

Yeah, man. I mean,

I never use her,

and she's just

sitting out there.

And you're my favorite

cousin, so...

figure she'd be better

off in your hands.

That's incredible.

Thank you.

Of course, man.

Of course.

Hey, man, we should

hang out, dude.

Let's hang out more often.

I never see you.

What are you doing tonight?

You want to get a drink

with me and my buddies?

Yeah. Yeah,

that sounds great.

Awesome. Let's

do it. Awesome.

Ah, this guy.

I gotta grab this, man.

Yeah. No worries.

Hey. Hold on a second.

Sammy, um... do you

have a girlfriend?

No.

OK, I'm gonna hook you

up with Claire's friend Simone.

She's like... f***ing insane.

Insane's not really

what I'm going for.

No, no, like insane

in a good way.

Trust me.

Roger that.

All right, man.

I'll see you tonight.

Thank you.

Hey, man.

How you doing?

Sam, I'm tellin'

you, man... Charlie.

Yeah.

Where were we on September 12th?

- The next day.

- No, the next f***in' morning.

Yeah. Dude, the next morning,

straight to the Armory.

- Wanted to sign up.

- Yep.

Well, what happened?

Why didn't you do it?

- I don't even...

- Well, I...

I don't even remember.

I can't remember, but we were

like this f***in' close.

So f***in' close.

Well, looks like you guys

made out all right.

Hmm...

Hey, I want to

propose a toast to Sam,

you know, to all

the heroes out there

doing what they are doing

so that we can

do what we need to do.

- OK? Cheers. Sam.

- Sammy, thank you.

Cheers.

Sam, man. What's the craziest

sh*t you saw out there?

You want the craziest?

Yeah, craziest,

the scariest, whatever,

like the Rambo-type sh*t.

Do you want the scariest,

or do you want the craziest?

I don't know.

Everything.

Come on, man, hit me, hit me.

All right, all right.

So, we...

we come back a little bit

early from our patrol.

Highway?

Narang.

Kunar Province.

Afghanistan.

Right. Yeah, yeah, OK.

Afghanistan.

So, we come back a little bit

early from our patrol,

and our battalion chaplain

wasn't expecting us.

And so I walk into

his little makeshift office,

and I see him

crouched in the corner

beating off so savagely,

like just going at it

like he had a gun to his head.

And we lock eyes...

The most unfortunate eye contact

I've ever made

with another human.

Oh ho ho!

Him with his meat in his hand,

me eager to get back

out on patrol and get shot at.

And then it hits me, as I'm

eye-to-eye with this man.

He's still wearing

his f***ing helmet.

He was so excited to beat off

that he didn't take his

f***ing helmet off...

or he has explosive semen.

Ha ha ha ha!

I've got a question

for you guys.

Yeah.

What's the worst thing

that you could hear

after giving Willie

Nelson a blow job?

I'm not Willie Nelson.

Ha ha ha!

Buddy boy-

- Charlie.

- How are you, man?

- Good.

- Yeah?

So, listen, man.

I've been tryin' to

land this investment fund

for a couple years now.

It's run by this Army dude,

this Vietnam vet.

And I have him

really f***in' close,

but I can't get him to bite.

So, I have this idea.

Would you be willing

to meet with him?

About... what?

Investing in my fund.

I don't even know

what hedge funds are.

No. You don't have to know

anything about hedge funds.

Listen, my business is

just like any other business.

It's just about one thing.

It's about relationships.

So, if you can get this guy

to commit to $10 million,

I will cut you a check for 50K.

You gotta be f***ing kidding me.

I'm not f***ing kidding you.

Listen, go in there.

You slip him the old

Army handshake or whatever,

you swap a few war stories

and sh*t, you know.

He'll be eating out

of the palm of your hand.

I was looking at

you earlier, man.

You're charismatic.

You got charm.

People f***in' love you.

Let's just try it

and see what happens.

What do you think?

Yeah. Just tell me

what to do.

Dude, we're doing business together.

Love it, man.

Yeah, all right.

This is gonna be

f***in' exciting, man.

- Thanks, Charlie.

- Absolutely, dude.

Hey, man. Have you seen

"Bridget Jones' Diary?"

Say again?

$5.00 "Bridget Jones' Diary."

Amazing British movie, man.

This girl falls in love

with 2 guys. Amazing!

Really funny!

All right, next time, man.

Next time.

Yo, man, your lucky day.

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