An Invisible Sign Page #4

my dad's sick too.

- Lisa, aren't you late

for class?

- Ahoy, Ms. Gelband.

- Well, Miss Gray,

Lisa seems to be happy

in your class.

You must be creating

a very nice environment.

Although I can't figure out

why, for yesterday's lunch,

she brought cigarettes,

bologna, margarine,

and a packet

of artificial sweetener.

Did you ever hear

of such a thing?

- Sounds like a themed lunch,

a cancer-themed lunch.

- [Gasps]

Oh, by golly, you're right.

Thank goodness she has someone

as wonderfully stable as you

in her life.

- Thank goodness.

- Well...

see you tonight.

- Tonight?

- Open school night.

8:
00 sharp.

- [Sighs]

- If we had left on time...

- No.

Why don't you back off?

- Why don't you back off?

We're here.

We should see

all of Ann's teachers.

- Well, let's see

the math teacher last.

Ann said she's

a weirdo-bizarro.

- Hi.

You must be the math teacher.

I'm Lisa's aunt.

- Lisa's one

of my brightest students.

- I always hated math,

you know?

But Lisa's a strange kid.

- Well, you know,

it must not be easy for her

right now.

- Mm.

What about me?

You know, I drove

halfway across the country

to take care of her and...

haven't gotten so much

as a "thank you" from anyone.

You know, I was gonna get

my real estate license,

maybe go back to school.

Now I can't do anything.

- Well, maybe when her mother

recovers...

- Recovers?

What spaceship

did you fall out of?

- Excuse me.

Sorry.

- In my heaven

It's the white walls

The white walls

Of my...

[humming]

[Stops singing]

Did my seductive singing

lure you out here?

- No, I-

- If anyone asks,

this is a science demonstration.

Spheres.

I'm also avoiding the parents.

- Me too.

- So... we agree on something?

- [Laughs lightly]

- Is that a smile?

- No.

- Yes.

You look really nice

when you smile.

- I should get back inside.

- No, wait. Don't go.

We're making progress.

Hey, remember,

the last time I saw you,

you fired me.

You fired me.

- [Laughs lightly]

- Don't worry about it.

If anyone's getting fired

around here, it's you.

I saw the 5 Ellen made

out of pork the other day.

That was...

That gave me nightmares.

- Well, you have-

you have Lisa doing cancer.

- Yeah, I know.

- You know her mother

has cancer.

- Sure.

That's why she picks it.

- She's dying.

- Sure.

That's why she picks it.

- I'm gonna-

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

Want to try?

Give it a try.

- I'm not really

a bubbles person.

- Who isn't a bubbles person?

Come on.

Bubbles is circles.

That's math.

That's 360.

Come on, big ones.

Everybody loves bubbles.

You know, when I first saw you,

you were...

you were teaching,

and you had the kids

in the front of the room,

and they were...

They were all...

posing as numbers.

I like that.

That's when I...

And that's when I knew

there was something about you.

- You know...

I, um-

I got to go back in.

I got to go back inside.

- You just had it.

- Good night, Mr. Smith.

- Good night, Miss Gray.

- Once, this woman in Texas

wrote out all the numbers

from 1 to 1 billion.

It took a few years...

and a lot of paper.

- Did she use recycled paper?

- I don't know.

- 'Cause if she did,

then that's a good story.

But if she didn't,

then that's a bad story.

- You know,

you should tell your aunt

to pack you a better lunch.

You can't live off potato chips

and chocolate milk.

- Yes, I can.

That's what pirates eat.

- Why do you like pirates?

- My dad took me

on a real pirate ship

when I was

really, really little.

Can I live with you

after my mom dies?

[Knocking]

- My apartment is small.

- I'm not that big.

- You can't,

because...

it wouldn't be fair

to the other students.

I mean, I could help you

with your math homework,

and it just wouldn't be fair.

- Makes sense.

[Knocking]

- They were pissed off.

- I think

you're a brilliant teacher.

- Are you avoiding me,

Miss Gray?

- No.

I thought I dropped something

out the window.

- Like what,

a quadratic equation?

- More like a decimal point.

- I saw that decimal point.

It went flying that way.

- Decimal points don't fly.

- What do they do?

- They careen.

- You are the strangest woman

I've ever met.

- So?

- So...

Come on.

I'll help you find that...

careening decimal point.

I'm going to the movies.

- I don't like the movies.

- That's all right.

I wasn't asking you to go.

All right, you can go

to the movies with me

if you want.

- Living in a tree, yeah,

that's where I'd like to be

- I don't... go to the movies.

- That's crazy.

That's like saying

you don't listen to music.

- No one can say nothing

Which I guess means

they'll say something

- I hate... music.

- What lie is that?

Three?

- I'll be in my tree

- I need to go

to the hardware store

to get some nails.

- Lie four.

- I hate cop movies.

- That's five.

- That's not funny.

- Yeah, one, we got the music.

We got-

Yeah, that's five.

You're lying a lot.

- Chaos in the streets

- Everything about you is funny.

Come to the movies with me.

You can buy me popcorn.

Or do you hate popcorn

but not really?

- I need nails.

- I sit in the middle

of the middle.

- I'm living free

As any child

would want to be

- 42.

[Helicopter rotors whirring]

[Indistinct radio chatter]

[Siren wailing]

[Tires screech]

- Let's go, guys!

Come on, guys!

[Gunfire]

[Indistinct radio chatter]

[Suspenseful music]

[Siren wailing]

[Gunshots, tires screeching]

- Hey.

Hey, where you going?

- I forgot to get popcorn.

- There's plenty for two

right here.

- But I like butter.

- Shh!

- It's soaked in butter.

- Sit down, lady.

- Sit.

That guy right there,

he's an expert bank robber,

and he got caught

making his last big score.

But the police discovered

this serial killer

who leaves his victims

in bank vaults,

then stuffs their insides

with money,

so now the police need-

- Shh!

- [Whispering]

The help of the bank robber.

- What denomination of money

are they stuffed with?

- Shh!

- I can't answer that.

But it's

an interesting question.

That's my thumb, Miss Gray.

- I'm sorry.

- You don't have to-

- You better stop talking.

- Hey, why don't you get

another seat, man?

- Why don't you?

- Did you just defend my honor?

- What?

[Footsteps pounding]

- [Breathing heavily]

[Pounding]

- Mona!

[Breathing heavily]

[Door clicks open]

- How did you know

where I live?

- I followed you.

But you're fast.

Very fast.

- I used to... run.

- Why'd you run

out of the movie theater?

I recognize that artist.

Who did that?

- Paul.

- It's kind of a lonely 7.

Who did the volcano?

- Ellen.

- Ba-ba-ba-ba-bah!

I like that one.

Oh, I like this potted-

- Bouquet of numbers.

- And there's...

- Lisa.

A six of eyelashes.

- [Laughs]

Are they real?

[Both laugh]

- I think so.

- I like you.

I haven't liked anyone...

like this

in a long time.

- How long were you engaged?

- Seven months.

- Which months?

- December to July.

Why?

- That's 212 days,

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