An Invisible Sign Page #3

- Oh.

Is this to your liking?

- This is fine.

It's fine.

Thank you so much.

Fine.

- It's great.

- Now... let's have fun.

It's Mona's birthday.

- Mona, I want you to go

to the hardware store.

I want you to pick up

a five-pound bag of plant food.

- No, no, no, no.

Not now, no.

No, we are celebrating.

- Mona...

it's a surprise.

This arrived on your birthday.

It's...

magnet therapy.

- Magnets?

- Shh, okay, quiet.

Keep your voice down,

because I don't want this

getting back to the FDA.

- Why?

- Why?

Because the-

[whispering]

Because they can confiscate it.

They can recede

the shape of health.

They can try to get rid

of the shape of health.

- Mona, don't upset your father.

- Miss Gray.

Hi.

These your folks?

Hi, I'm Ben Smith.

Your daughter and I

work together.

I'm the science teacher.

- Hi, I'm Mona's mom.

- You're Mr. Gray, I presume?

- Um...

Please, join us.

- Oh... okay.

Just... excuse me.

The moby platter here

is fantastic,

and the French toast is really-

- Are you from the FDA?

- No.

- So... are you from around here?

- The short version is,

I moved here when my fiance

got a bookkeeping job

at the hospital.

- Oh.

- Then she ran off

with a male nurse.

That was fun.

They stole my car.

- [Laughs]

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's a tragedy.

I'm s-I'm sorry.

- But it's okay.

I made a mistake.

Turns out all my calculations

were wrong.

Wow, I'm sure you've heard this

tons of times,

but you guys,

you look so much alike.

- [Laughs]

Really?

Everybody says the lips.

[Knocking]

- Oh, yeah, without a doubt.

[Knocking intensifies]

- So how did you get

into science?

- I've always been attracted

to knowing

why things are the way they are.

[Knocking continues]

There's a bit of Dad in there

too, but I'm seeing-

- "I want to be a scientist."

[Knocking continues]

- I think I'm gonna go

run that errand for Dad.

- Mona, no.

We didn't have-

- I can help you out, Miss Gray.

- Wait!

- Five-pound bag.

- Buy a gift for-Mona, please.

- You want me to come with you?

- Your birthday!

It's Mona's birthday.

- Happy birthday!

- Mr. Jones.

I'm here to show you

the newest Panida Tool catalog.

- I have everything I need.

- Here's my card.

You'll come around.

Have a nice day.

- I said something about

his numbers for the first time

when I was nine.

Hi, Mr. Jones.

I'm glad you're feeling better,

nine times better

than yesterday.

Yesterday you were a two.

- That's a nice thing

for a kid to notice.

You are a very good noticer.

- Notice?

I'd wake up in the morning

and think,

"If Mr. Jones wears

an even number,

my dad will laugh today."

"If Mr. Jones wears

an odd number,

the new medication will work."

[Knocking]

"He must know a number

that could help."

But if he did,

he didn't tell me.

He was just one more neighbor

that looked away.

So I decided to egg his car

every Halloween

with five dozen eggs.

[Scraping]

Hi, Mr. Jones.

- Hi, Mona.

- So... why do you wear

those numbers

around your neck like that?

- I thought you knew.

- Knew?

Knew what?

I was wearing

an invisible sign of my own.

It said, "Up yours, hypocrite."

I'll take that ax.

- It's $28.

- Do you see

what we can accomplish

if we all stick together?

You see what we can accomplish?

[Children counting]

[Counting continues]

[Ax clanks]

[Children counting]

- Ugh!

- Why did you do that?

- [Gasps]

[Distant siren wailing]

- [Breathing heavily]

At home, it was an ax.

At school, it was a 7.

A little construction paper

and some glue sticks,

I could turn my nightmare

into "numbers and materials."

- [Coughing]

[Gasping and choking]

- Levan?

What's the matter?

- [Weakly]

It's the scurvy!

- Scurvy?

Who told you that?

- [Whimpering]

- Ann, Ann,

what's wrong with you?

- My tongue is swollen!

My tongue!

- Your tongue!

- [Screaming wildly]

- Oh, God!

Your tongue?

[Children screaming]

Danny, what's wrong with you?

- Malaria!

- Malaria?

[Touch-tones beeping]

[Line rings]

- 911 emergency.

- 911, I need to report

an epidemic.

- What's your location?

- What about chicken pox?

Rickets?

You know, you could do...

- Excuse me, miss?

- You could do malaria next week

if you do a really good

consumption today.

What do you think?

- Wait.

What are my symptoms?

- Fatigue, cough.

Let me hear a cough.

- [Coughs]

- Yeah, get it deep.

- We're gonna send a dispatch.

- [Coughs]

- Deeper.

- [Coughs]

- That's perfect.

Some abdominal cramping.

Bend over, like you got gas.

- Okay, like that?

- Yeah.

Go get 'em.

- [Coughing]

- Good stuff, Elmer.

It's like heavy gas.

- What's going on?

- We're life acting.

- Ma'am?

- It helps the kids

understand symptoms

for our health segment.

- You...

are...

fired!

- You barely say two words

to me...

and then you fire me?

[Child groaning]

[Groaning continues]

- Get up, Lisa.

You're not sick.

- [Groaning]

I have cancer.

[Groaning]

My mom's wig is made

out of human hair.

They had ones that weren't,

but you could tell.

- Come on, let's just go.

- Hang on.

I have a little more cancer

to do.

[Groaning]

- Uh, Miss Gray, what's that?

- It's a 7.

- That's not a 7.

That's an ax.

- It's a 7.

- Teacher's big fat pet.

- That's enough, Ann!

- Ann's in a bad mood because

her dad has a girlfriend.

And my mom,

who's Ann's mom's attorney,

has pictures to prove it.

- Does not.

- Does too.

- Levan, no tattletaling.

You're gonna have to go stand

in the corner.

[Laughter]

Okay, um...

Does anyone know what this is?

- It's a bird's beak.

- It's kind of like a mouth.

- It's a bird's a**hole!

[Laughter]

- Danny!

Get in that corner!

So let's pretend it's a mouth,

and the mouth is always hungry.

And 179 is less than 255.

The mouth always wants

to eat the greater number.

- Psst!

The mouth eats 5,556

because it's more.

- That's right.

This is called

"greater than" and "less than."

Who wants to come up

and do their own?

- What is he doing

in this classroom?

- I'm dying of diphtheria!

[Laughter]

- Get out of my class

right now!

Ugh!

- Not again, Ellen.

- "Fake sick..."

That's easy.

Fake sick

is less than real sick.

- "Car crash"?

- I don't know

if you can compare those two.

- Yes, I can.

- I was in a car crash once.

I lived.

- "War."

- "Old age"?

- Old age isn't greater

than war.

- This is all wrong.

- Sick is the greatest.

- "Bloody murder"?

[All murmuring]

- Mine is the greatest.

- No, it isn't.

- That's how serial killers

are made, man.

Sad but true.

- "Cancer"?

- Fight.

All:

Fight, fight, fight!

- Wait!

Stop it, you two!

Stop it!

[Bell ringing]

Stop!

I'm gonna call your parents!

- Her mom won't even know.

- Shut up!

- Ann!

- You should have better control

over the class, Miss Gray.

- Remember to do

greater-thans and less-thans!

Page 64!

Lisa.

No person is any greater

than any other person.

- That's not true.

You're the greatest teacher

in the school.

- You know,

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