Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy Page #8

- I can't believe this.

Every news outlet in the world

is looking for coverage on this.

I've got no damn lead anchor!

Damn it! Get me a phone.

I can't believe I'm about to do this.

Rocky's, bar, grill, fine dining.

- Is there an anchorman there?

- Hold on.

This is killing me.

I'd rather slit my throat.

- Hello?

- Hello?

- Is this Ron?

- Who is this?

- It's me. Ed.

- Who?

- Ed Harken.

- I don't know a Ned.

- Ed Harken!

- Ed!

- Ed, hello.

- Listen, Ron.

Corningstone disappeared in the midst

of the biggest story of the year.

We need you down here right away.

Wait, Ed.

Does this mean you're asking me

to report the news again?

- Yes.

- Ed!

That's wonderful! Thank you!

Ed, hold on. I want to say a few words.

- You have always been a good friend!

- Right.

- Always!

- Right.

Get down here as quickly as you can.

Ed, I'll be down there.

And I'm going to look good.

Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy.

Damn! That dude cleans up good!

If I'm gonna do this,

I'll need my news team at my side.

News team!

Assemble!

News team, assemble!

Hey, Ron.

What's up?

Hi. Didn't see you there.

We've been here

literally the entire time you have.

I'm a little embarrassed.

Look.

I just got the call from Harken.

He wants me back.

But I can't do this

without my news team.

I don't know, Ron.

That was half a lifetime ago.

We're different people now.

When you left, the hurt was so deep.

I don't know

if I can go through that again.

Think about what you're asking.

...man.

Gentlemen,

there was a time

when you called me your lead anchor.

Will you follow me again?

I'm getting too old for this sh*t.

To the news van!

- To the news van!

- Okay!

Well, I'll be. Ron Burgundy. He's back!

Gentlemen, let's try to get

in a good position for the story.

- How does the hair look?

- Magnificent.

You have hair like an angel.

Network talent scout.

- This is a hot one.

- I'm actually nervous.

Let's go get them.

Wait! Did you just hear something?

Help.

- Ron, help!

- Veronica!

Are you okay?

How did you get down there?

Just go get someone. Please.

Hold on. Hold on!

We've got to do something.

Ron, I don't want to sound cruel, but...

There's a network talent scout

over there.

This is a tough decision.

So much to think about.

Basically the biggest story of my career,

launching me to a level

I've never known before,

or saving the woman

I used to have familiar relations with.

This is hard! I am in a pickle!

Ron, I know it sounds harsh,

but God does not want her to live.

No. Hold on.

It's clear now.

We go into the bear pit.

Ron, don't.

I immediately regret this decision.

What are you doing?

Why didn't you get help?

These bears are massive!

They looked a lot smaller from up there.

Fan out. Let's go find Harken.

Stay calm.

It's all right.

I think it's all right, my sweet chinchilla.

- Oh, Ron.

- Yes, yes.

In case we die here today,

there's something that you should know.

That dirty trick with the Teleprompter,

it wasn't...

Sweet Eli Whitney's nose!

It wasn't you, was it?

It was Wes Mantooth.

- I should have known.

- No, no.

- No, I did it.

- You b*tch!

You woke the bears.

Why did you do that?

There's somebody in the bear pit!

It took my impending death

for me to realize how much I need you.

Oh, Ron.

Those bears are gonna hurt them!

News team, let's hunt.

News team!

Bear fight!

Come on. Come on!

Damn!

Hit them in the uvula!

Hey, Ron! I'm riding a furry tractor!

The bears have descended

on the news team

and it's not going well.

Clearly, after today, I will no longer...

Come on! Oh, God!

It's getting to be ri-goddamn-diculous!

Oh, no.

We woke up the mama.

Oh, God!

I don't wanna die.

Baxter!

- Look! They're following their mother!

- It's instinct.

Oh, Baxter!

Oh, Baxter, you're still alive!

Oh, I'm so happy!

I'm so happy! You are alive!

I'm so happy!

I will lick you!

I will lick you in front of everyone

to show my joy.

Boy, he really likes that dog.

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Hi, Ron.

It's always a long fall from the top,

isn't it?

Easy, Wes.

I've been waiting to say this to you

for a long time.

- All right.

- Deep down in my stomach,

with every inch of me,

I pure, straight hate you!

But, God damn it, do I respect you!

Thank you, brother.

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Today we spell redemption, R-O-N.

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Ron, you're my hero!

Ron, I think you've got a story to report.

- Are you sure, Ed?

- Do it.

It's the story you were born to tell.

San Diego's waiting. Go get them.

Make way!

Ron Burgundy's about to report

on pandas!

Count me down. Three.

You're live, Mr. Burgundy.

This is Ron Burgundy,

proudly reporting once again

for Channel 4 News.

Today's story is one

of the more remarkable things

ever to happen to San Diago

or even the world.

But in order to properly retell it,

I'm going to need some help

from my co-anchor,

Miss Veronica Corningstone.

- High-pressure system...

- No, no, no, no, Brick.

- High-pressure system...

- Go stand over there.

Oh, Ron.

Ron, there are literally thousands

of men that I should be with instead,

but I am 72% sure that I love you.

Yes, redemption was sweet

for Ron Burgundy.

Yes! Ron!

- As for the news team...

- Stop it! Ron!

Champ Kind went on to become

a commentator for the NFL,

but was later fired after being accused

of sexual harassment

by Terry Bradshaw.

Excuse me.

Is that Sex Panther you're wearing?

Brian Fantana went on

to have great success

as the host of the hit reality TV show

Intercourse Island on the FOX Network.

Anyone seen Brick?

- Brick?

- Don't! That tickles!

No, that tickles me! Come on!

Brick Tamland is married

with 11 children

and is one of the top political advisors

to the Bush White House.

I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you!

And Ron and Veronica didn"t stay

in San Diego long.

I chose them as my replacement,

and they became the first

mixed-gender network news team,

and they"re still doing it today.

From all of us here

at the World News Center,

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

And I'm Ron Burgundy.

You stay classy, planet Earth.

Oh! Great Odin's raven!

Oh! By the hammer of Thor!

Oh! Saint Damien's beard!

Sweet grandmother's spatula!

Hot pot of coffee!

Uncle Jonathan's corncob pipe!

I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun

when you're not looking.

In the back of the head.

I'm sorry.

You're not very bright.

You know that, right?

You're actually quite a dullard.

Everyone here knows it.

If I'm a dullard, you're the dull...

Can't think of anything to say, can you?

Yes, I can.

I can think of a lot of things to say.

Like, you're a dirty b*tch.

Well, Ron, I'm gonna put poison...

Oh, my God!

I drank a lava lamp. It wasn't lava.

I ate a whole bunch

of fiberglass insulation.

It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said.

My stomach's itchy.

I pooped a hammer.

I pooped a tape recorder.

I pooped a Cornish game hen.

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