Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Page #13

that you would do good.

- Now, go.

- RON:
I knew it!

Go to your son's recital.

I knew you had mind powers!

And make it the greatest

day of your life!

Almighty, Almighty,

light the fuse on my call.

Thirty-niner-niner-14,

cook these fools.

I repeat, cook these fools.

We've got to get out of here.

There's too much news!

Man, what a rush!

The monster's my friend!

Ron, we can still make

your kid's recital!

(LAUGHS) Hey, Ronny.

Jack Lime, please, I just want

to get to my son's recital.

No! That is out of the question!

We're outnumbered, Ron.

Foam the runway, I'm coming in hot!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SINGING) Old MacDonald had a farm

And then four guys

on bikes showed up.

Wes Mantooth and the

Channel Nine news team!

Hey, what the hell are

you guys doing here?

This is a national news fight.

You made one mistake today.

You messed with somebody

from San Diego.

It's actually pronounced San Diago.

Hell, Ron and I may not

agree on everything,

but we share the bond of being

from the greatest city in

the history of this Earth.

(LAUGHING)

Well, ain't that cute?

But you're outnumbered

three-to-one.

Why don't you go back to your mama?

Don't you use my

mom's name in vain.

Dorothy Mantooth was a

hard-working single woman

who raised seven

children on her own,

and she remained sexually

active till the day she died.

She brought pole dancing

into the mainstream.

Now here's the thing.

While I've been talking,

my news team has emptied

their gas tanks at your feet.

I drop this smoke and every

one of you goes "poof."

Well, you forgot one

thing, leatherman.

You drop that smoke, you die, too.

(LAUGHING)

With the things I've

done in my life,

oh, I know I'm going

to burn in hell.

So I sure as sh*t ain't afraid

to burn here on Earth.

Oh, my goodness!

That's the most badass

thing I have ever heard.

All right!

Looks like this fight's over.

(SIGHS)

Let's go, boys.

Yay! We won! Let's celebrate!

Sparklers!

- No, no, no, Brick!

- ALL:
No!

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC ENDS)

(ALL APPLAUDING)

- Bravo! Bravo.

- Yeah. Whoo!

Dad!

Son, I fought a

Minotaur to be here.

And I'd do it again.

Dad! Together we can defeat voodoo!

NARRATOR:
Ron had finally

learned how to love his son

and his wife more than his career.

And as it turned out,

his walking off the news

was the highest-rated

TV event of the year.

He and his news team,

along with Veronica,

could have any job they wanted.

But before that, they had one

little thing to take care of.

And now, before I join this

couple in holy matrimony,

Brick and Chani ask us to join them

as they exchange their vows.

My dearest Brick.

Everything I have is yours.

My four lawnmowers. My sister.

My 35 ferrets. My massive student

loan and real estate debt.

It's all yours.

Oh, Chani.

I will never forget the

exact moment I saw you.

My pee-pee got all uncomfortable

in my pants, and I thought,

"Here comes the warm milkshake

out of the tip of my belly stick."

Wait! Look!

Walter, Walter, honey, shh!

Look in the water!

It's Doby!

Oh, my God.

It's Doby! Doby!

VERONICA:
Ron, what are you doing?

He's not your friend!

Doby!

CHAMP:
Ron! That's a shark!

VERONICA:
He will eat you!

(SINGING) Old friends

Old friends

Doby!

Sat on their park

bench like bookends

Oh, my God!

The shark actually recognizes him!

(SCREAMING)

BRIAN:
Nope.

He's viciously attacking him.

Doby! Doby, it's me! Ron!

NARRATOR:
If a man dies

with love in his heart,

does he truly die?

Absolutely!

But on this day, Ron Burgundy's grapple

with this denizen from the deep

was halted by 28 pounds

of furry providence.

(BARKING)

(ALL SHOUTING)

RON:
I bottle-fed you!

(SCREAMS)

Baxter!

(GASPING)

(BARKING)

Baxter!

Baxter! Ah, yes!

- (LAUGHING)

- (BARKING)

I know, I know, I love you, too.

(PANTING)

Oh. Come on.

(CROWD APPLAUDS)

(CROWD CHEERING)

All right, let's do it.

You guys think...

I don't know how to use a computer.

RON:
Hey, fellas.

I just saw Jack Lime out there.

He's a goddamn iceman.

Scared the crap out of me.

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