Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Page #12

I became blind.

I bottle-fed and raised a shark.

And I smoked a fair

amount of crack.

But the most important thing I've learned

is that there was an emptiness left

after turning my back on three of the

best friends anyone could ever ask for.

Hi, Ron!

So, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to see my child's recital

and tell the woman I love

that I still love her.

Good night, America,

and never forget,

you deserve the truth.

Good. He's dead, done.

Linda, get the skirt in,

the blonde. Anyone!

He's coming back!

Oh, also, one other thing.

Koala Airlines is a

really shitty airline.

You son of a b*tch!

You son of a b*tch!

Guys, I'm sorry.

For a while there, I don't know

what became of Ron Burgundy.

Brick, I'm sorry I yelled at you.

Brian, I...

No reason why I killed

that story of yours.

It was excellent reporting.

And, Champ, I'm sorry

I said no to all those

offers for late-night

deep-tissue rubdowns.

BRICK:
Ron, you're a good man.

But you have fallen victim to

your own ego and your own hubris.

And before others can forgive you,

you must learn to forgive yourself.

What was that, Brick?

I'm wearing two pairs of pants.

Thank you.

So that's it, huh?

You're sorry?

You know what, Burgundy?

Apologies are like a**holes.

Everyone's got one

and everyone's got a shoebox full

of Polaroids of them under the bed.

CHAMP:
Ron, we're a team.

We need you.

Let him go, Champ.

(SOBBING)

Ron!

Long live Ron Burgundy!

I'm Brick Tamland for GNN News.

The itsy bitsy spider

went up the water spout.

You little hack!

Huh? Who the hell do

you think you are?

After everything I've done for you,

this is how you repay me?

Well, I will crush you!

(GRUNTS)

Once again, Mr. Burgundy,

you are the ballsiest white

man I've ever known.

What the hell?

One more for old times' sake.

Thank you.

Is Dad going to come?

No, sweetheart, Daddy has to work.

He's going to come. I know it.

Taxi!

Taxi! Taxi!

Damn it!

It's so hard for a proud Mexican

to get a taxi in this city!

I need to see my son!

And now, to play an original composition

that he wrote for his father,

here is seven-year-old

Walter Burgundy.

(APPLAUSE)

I made a promise!

I made a promise to my son!

What the hell?

Well, hello, Ron.

You out for a jog?

Jack Lime!

Where's everyone going?

Please. I don't have time to talk, okay?

I have to be somewhere.

Well, that's funny.

'Cause I got nowhere to be

because you pretty much

destroyed my career.

Do you realize what it did to me,

by making me call myself Jack Lame?

It was a living hell!

(PANTING)

I'm telling you,

you have to let me go!

Oh, don't worry. Four against one.

This will be over fast.

Maybe not so fast!

My news team. Thank God!

Ain't a day that will be or has been

that we don't have Ron Burgundy's back.

Not a problem. When I'm

done with these mutts,

I'm gonna wipe my

shoes on the curb.

Oh, yeah, Jack Lime?

When I'm done with you,

my mom's going to pick

me up and take me home.

BBC NEWS ANCHOR:
Wait!

Here's a headline for you.

"Moronic Yank Wankerman

"Gets a Bloody Good Hiding

From News Reader

"From a Superior Country."

For we are the BBC News Service.

(ALL YELLING)

No. Not now.

Fall back, fall back.

If y'all are gonna get down,

then Wesley Jackson and

the MTV News crew want in.

What's MTV?

I think it's a venereal disease.

The most requested

video of the day?

A new band called Burgundy's

Sucking Chest Wound.

(ALL YELLING)

It wouldn't be a battle

without Jill Janson.

And Wendy Van Peele

from Entertainment News.

Entertainment news

is an abomination!

Who are you wearing today?

Oh, look, it's your own blood!

Today's celebrity birthdays...

None.

Today's celebrity deaths...

All you dick-licks.

I like the way they're

put together.

I like fighting girls.

I like to c*nt punt cowboys.

- You eat p*ssy?

- You're gonna.

Hey!

There's not gonna be any

fight without Scott Riles

and the incredibly polite

Canadian News team.

(ALL YELLING)

What about the French-speaking

Quebec News?

The real voice of Canada!

Give it a rest, eh?

Give me a break!

They can't have news.

Nothing happens in Canada!

We're gonna mop the floor with you!

- We're gonna put the boots to you! Sorry.

- Sorry.

We're gonna gouge your eyes out!

And kick your head in!

BOTH:
Sorry!

I like your ginger ale!

Jeff Bullington, ESPN, all sports.

Tonight's play of the day is me,

extracting your spine

from your dead body.

Holy sh*t, there's a lot of news!

It's true, the market

is becoming saturated.

Hey. The History Network wants

in on this. We're news, too.

Only news told much, much later.

(ALL YELLING)

Wait a minute. Is that the ghost

of Stonewall Jackson with you?

Yes, it is. And the

mighty Minotaur.

(GROWLS)

I don't know about this, man.

The Minotaur isn't even history!

He's mythology!

(ROARING)

Let's not downplay the fact

that that's the ghost

of Stonewall Jackson!

(ECHOING) May the Lord anoint

this hallowed field of battle.

You guys got room in this

battle for an old war horse?

Mack Tannen! What

are you doing here?

You're too old for this.

Well, you see, there's the thing.

When there's an early moon,

I almost feel like a stallion again!

He's on our side, right, Ron?

(GROWLING)

He's a were-hyena!

I'm-a call Michael Jackson.

I got a video idea.

All right, everyone, listen up!

By virtue of being on this

battlefield, there is no return.

People will die.

I'm so horny right now.

RON:
Some will be disfigured.

In some cases, lasting

friendships will be made.

And as usual, no touching

of the hair and face.

Come on. What do we

look like, rookies?

- Sorry.

- Sorry.

When El Trousias,

maiden of the clouds,

blows the battle horn,

let the battle begin!

I am El Trousias!

Hear my siren song!

- (PLAYING)

- El Trousias...

The Juicies'. Hmm.

That means you can start.

Brick, what the hell is that?

It's a gun from the future.

No fair! He's got a

gun from the future!

Where did you get it from?

(LAUGHING)

(PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC)

In the name of the King,

the Queen and St. George.

Huzzah!

(ALL YELLING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

(YELLS)

Guess you didn't see that coming.

Twenty degrees right.

Fill that gap!

Fall upon your swords!

Life has no meaning! (LAUGHS)

There will be a mint julep

waiting on the other side, son.

Release your soul to me.

(CONTINUES PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC)

(CANNON FIRING)

(ROARING)

Sorry!

CANADIAN ANCHORS: Sorry! Sorry!

BRIAN:
Sex Panther powers activate.

(GRUNTS)

(ROARS)

(ALL COUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

It's the ghost of

Stonewall Jackson!

Everyone, it's the ghost

of Stonewall Jackson!

Why do we have to fight?

There's so much

I could learn from you.

(GRUNTING)

In the name of Margaret Thatcher...

- No!

- I sentence you to death!

RON:
Please, no!

Oh!

What in the name of Dan Issel?

Gary!

Yes, Ron.

You and I never got along.

But using the power of my mind,

I was able to see in the future

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