Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Page #11

him anything that sounds good.

How about we forget about this whole

name thing and you go straight to hell?

Well, I don't know what to do.

We might as well poison the

water and let him die.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let's just go with Doby.

Fine, then it's settled. It's Doby.

We'll call him Doby even

though no one likes it.

All right, I can live with that.

- (BARKING)

- (RON LAUGHS)

Don't worry, Baxter. We won't

feed him your dog food.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

NARRATOR:
Even though Ron

Burgundy had lost his sight,

he had never seen so clearly.

(GASPS) You did it!

NARRATOR:
And with every inch

Doby grew, so did Ron's heart.

It's just a bunch of

crazy lines, isn't it?

No. It's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

What about Gary?

We split up two weeks ago.

He was too emotionally stable.

It was so annoying!

NARRATOR:
And so, just like

the passing of the seasons,

it came time for Doby to return

to the deep waters he

was meant to call home.

I hear his tail splashing!

He's actually swimming away!

Is he looking back for

us over his shoulder?

Sharks don't have shoulders, Ron.

No, he just swam away,

and he's instantly

looking for fish to eat.

He was my best friend.

You

Swam with strength

You

Loved with grace

You touched us all

With your expressionless

Face

Doby, oh, Doby

May you find many treasures

Both emotional and monetary

You were wise and loving

and never contrary

Doby

Oh, Doby

I'll never forget thee

CHORUS:
Doby

Oh, Doby

I'll never forget thee

Promise you'll always

be there for me, Dad?

I promise.

If I say I'll be there for you,

there's nothing on God's

earth that will stop me.

I love you, Dad.

Let's get back up to the

lighthouse, all right?

- Come on.

- Okay.

Let's go.

I hope you eat lots of fish

and people, Doby.

Oh, there you are.

I found the most beautiful

clams down by the estuary.

I thought we could

steam them up tonight

with a nice butter sauce

and some wine.

(SIGHS)

Veronica.

Yes, Ron?

Can you explain this?

(BEEPS)

Ron, this is Dr. Brangley.

I've left dozens of messages.

Somehow, they must

be getting erased.

But there is a procedure that

can possibly return your sight.

Please get back to me

if you're interested. (BEEPS)

Well? Have you been

erasing these messages?

Yes. Ron, just let me explain.

How could you?

We've never been this happy,

and I just thought that...

Thought that if I could see again,

that somehow I couldn't

love you and Walter anymore?

- Yes!

- (GROWLS)

Damn you, woman! (YELLING)

(SCREAMS) You lied to me!

I gave you everything!

I gave you my heart, my smile,

my seed.

And you lied to me.

- WALTER:
Dad!

- Sweetheart.

No! Dad!

Don't leave, Dad!

- Dad!

- Walter, just...

Sweetheart, we have to let him go.

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

He needs to go free.

Just like Doby.

He'll be back. He promised.

(CAR CRASHING)

RON:
Could you please call me

a damn cab? I'm blind!

Of course!

BRANGLEY:

Ron, the operation was a success.

But we won't know for sure

until we remove the bandages.

Well?

Yes.

I can see.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, God, oh, God.

It's Ron Burgundy, everyone!

You are my inspiration.

Oh, well, thank you.

Welcome back, Ron.

Thanks. Thanks, Bri-man.

Good luck in Vietnam.

Brick.

Brick and I are having a baby!

We're gonna name him

Tortilla Jackson.

- All right.

- I'm 22 months pregnant.

KENCH:

Well, get over here, you bastard.

Got you a drink, Ron. Come on.

Uh, hold on to that drink.

I just want to grab some air.

(SIGHS)

(DOOR OPENING)

(EXHALES)

How you doing there?

Oh.

I'm fine. Just, uh...

(CHUCKLES)

Just a lot of people in there.

Listen, Ron, I'm sorry that

I never called or visited.

There's no need to explain.

But, listen, I mean, you're back.

VERONICA:
Hello, Ron.

What are you doing here?

I had to come tell you

something very important.

You must be Linda Jackson.

You must be Veronica.

Yes, I am. It's a pleasure.

This is a touching moment for me.

Please, don't take

this the wrong way,

but if you touch Ron again,

I will shoot you in the

cooch with a B.B. gun.

Oh! You can talk big all you want,

but guess what, this

kitten's got claws, b*tch.

- (RON CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

- Don't mess with me, Linda,

because this "White Thunder"

rolls deep and it rolls nasty.

I was feeling a little bit down,

but this is definitely

picking up my mood.

Well, I guess I'll

leave you two alone.

And it's been an absolute

pleasure, Ms. Corningstone.

This has been great.

Do you guys want to

kiss real quick?

Ron. Read the room.

I'll take that as a no.

Bye, Linda.

I know why you haven't been

returning my messages.

I wasn't calling for me, I was calling

because Walter has a piano recital

in half an hour at the Tishman

School on 65th Street.

And he wrote a piece for you, Ron.

Aw, Walter.

It would mean the absolute

world to him to have you there.

Ron, I just got a call

from the control room! Oh, big fan.

Actress Sheila Blackledge,

the mom from the hit sitcom

Four's a Family, Five's a Crowd,

she just found out her

husband cheated on her

and she severed his

penis while he slept!

Oh, my goodness.

The police arrived.

She fled in her white Bronco,

and now they're engaged

in a high-speed car chase!

We've got an exclusive

on the live feed,

but we've got to go, right now!

Ron, this can be your comeback.

- Veronica, I...

- No, Ron. No.

That will get sky-high ratings.

- Walter will understand.

- Walter will understand.

Go.

FREDDIE:
Come on, Ron. Priorities!

- RON:
Veronica!

- Come on!

- LINDA:
Can you hear me?

- Yes, yes.

You're coming in loud and clear.

You're back and you get this story.

- This is gonna be huge.

- Right.

So, is it good to be back home?

Um, yeah, I feel good.

- God, look at him.

- (LAUGHING)

Like a beacon in the night!

My golden goose.

LINDA:
All right, baby.

So I'm just gonna be

giving you the details.

- RON:
Mmm-hmm.

- Five, four,

three, two...

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Good evening, America.

After some time off,

it's good to be back with you.

I'm Ron Burgundy.

We have a story tonight

involving an affair,

a cut-off penis, a TV

star and a car chase.

And throw it to the feed.

The only problem is...

- What's he doing?

- Ron, are you okay?

- It's not news.

- What?

Turn off the prompter.

Ron, this is Kench.

What the hell do you

think you're doing, mate?

Just read what's in front of you,

or I will ruin you! Don't!

Don't! You leave Kench

inside your head!

- God damn it!

- He took out his earpiece.

You see, folks, I've read

a lot of news in my day,

but it's... It's taken me until now

to realize what real news is.

Real news is supposed

to let people know

what the powerful are up to, so that

that power doesn't become corrupt.

But what happens when the

powerful own the news?

Ugh! You piece of sh*t!

Sh*t. He's blowing

the whole thing up.

Recently, I've been on a

bit of a personal journey.

I made love to a proud,

intelligent black woman.

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