Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Page #10

It was a team effort.

It really was.

KENCH:
Now, ladies and gentlemen,

we all know there's one reason

that GNN has gotten to the top.

And that reason is the greatest

bloody newsman in the world.

Long may he reign!

- Mr. Ron Burgundy!

- (CROWD CHEERING)

Yeah, Ron! Yeah!

(PLAYING LIVELY TUNE)

LINDA:
Fire it up, Ronny!

(BAND PLAYING DISCO MUSIC)

(CROWD CHEERING)

Let's blaze.

Yeah. To hell with Ron Burgundy.

We did it, my onyx hellion.

You're magic.

Ron, you should see

what you're doing!

(CONTINUE PLAYING DISCO MUSIC)

NARRATOR:
In the myth of Icarus,

Icarus, full of the folly that

comes with pride, flew too high

and the sun melted his wings.

Burgundy's fame was bigger

than he ever imagined.

And the fall was dizzying.

(ALL GASPING)

(SCREAMS)

LINDA:
Oh, my God, Ronny!

Ron!

Open the bloody gate.

WOMAN:

Will somebody call an ambulance?

- Do not die in front of us!

- (PEOPLE CLAMORING)

Do not die in front of us!

Stay classy, Ron Burgundy.

MAN:
Somebody call an ambulance!

Damn it, Milton, what is it?

BRANGLEY:
Well, Ron...

I, um...

it looks as if both optic nerves

are separated from their

respective corneas.

- What?

- No other way to put this, but...

You're blind.

Milton, I'm an anchorman.

I read the news off the

teleprompter. It's what I do!

How will I live?

I'm no career counselor, but there

are many things you can do.

Be an oracle, or a mystic.

Clearly, there must be something

in this new-fangled office

of yours that can help me!

- Settle down.

- There's got to be something in here!

- Settle down!

- (SHOUTING)

Zombies! Zombies!

Ahh!

If you get my hands

on me, I'll kill you.

NARRATOR:

The world of the blind.

Ron Burgundy, a man who had

flourished in a visual medium,

had forever entered

this realm of darkness.

(SINGING) Always lonely

Always looking

To get even with the

men who did him wrong

That was Billy

- (BARKING)

- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Who is it?

Ron, it's us!

RON:
I'm sure you gentlemen are

famished from your travels.

I hope you like Triscuits

and some pimento loaf.

Still hot off the griddle!

There we go.

Well, everyone at the station

really misses you, Ron.

Jack Lime's been filling in for

you since you've been gone.

You know, he's really not

such a bad guy after all.

Ha-ha.

He goes by Jack Lam now.

Well, he shouldn't be doing that.

He should be going by Jack Lame.

Brick!

Brick.

That's checkers and caulk.

Don't eat that.

What about Linda?

She hasn't called.

Linda's pretty busy.

Ron, I'm going to need your recipe.

So, Ron, what do you do

with yourself all day?

You're just out here pretty

much away from everything.

Well, every day begins

about the same.

I wake up screaming in terror

because of the blackness

and I think I'm dead.

Every day?

Yes! Every day!

And then I begin what's

called The Great Adventure.

Making breakfast.

I've eaten everything from

nails to drink coasters.

One time I bit hard

into a marble ashtray,

thinking it was a savory waffle.

I wanted that waffle so bad!

Completely shattered my teeth.

Couldn't you tell the ashtray

wasn't hot like a waffle?

No! I couldn't! Because I'm blind!

I'm not blind 23 hours

a day or 22 hours a day,

I'm blind the whole goddamn time!

Do you have any idea what it's like

to drink a half a bottle of ketchup

thinking it was a bottle of

1946 Chateauneuf-du-Pape?

I even decanted it!

If you drank half a bottle

of that, that's like...

That's like nine or ten gulps.

I mean, you couldn't tell

that was ketchup?

Did I stutter?

I'm ba-lind!

You're having a tough

time, Ron, I know.

You know what the

biggest indignity is?

I can't even masturbate!

Why?

Heck, one morning,

I spent 20 minutes

aggressively rubbing my shin,

wondering, "Where's the sensation?

"Where's the pleasure coming?"

You rubbed your shin

thinking it was a penis?

I know you think I'm

stupid, don't you?

The weirdo who lives

in the weird lighthouse

in the middle of nowhere.

Ron, it was your choice to

live in a "weird lighthouse."

You know why I live here?

Let me say it real

slow and real loud.

I'm

blind!

I guess we should get out of here.

Maybe you should go. Yes.

Why don't you guys get out of here!

Despite my complete

and utter isolation,

your gentlemen's visit has

actually made it worse!

Goodbye, Ron.

What?

- No, don't go!

- (DOOR CLOSES)

Please! Wait! I'm all alone!

Come back!

Wait! Come back!

Come back!

(SOBBING)

I'm alone!

Why have you done this

to me, God? Why?

Couldn't you have cured a sick

child or created a new animal?

But, no, you had to make

Ron Burgundy blind!

(SOBBING)

VERONICA:
Well, I never

thought that I would see

the Ron Burgundy full

of so much self-pity.

Who is it? What is that noise?

Take my hand.

I can't see it!

Reach for it, Ron!

You have to learn to

do for yourself now.

All right. This... Okay.

Here we go.

Get up. There we go.

Cher, is that you?

You can't recognize me by my voice?

Jan-Michael Vincent?

Really?

Every news station is

copying what you did, Ron.

All the stories are about animals,

or car chases or strip clubs.

The genie has been let

out of the bottle,

and old Ron Burgundy

popped the cork.

- That's why I quit WBC News.

- What?

There's no real news

being reported out there.

It's just all about ratings.

Veronica.

Why are you here?

I'm here for our son, Ron.

Walter needs you.

I need you to start taking

responsibility for him and for yourself.

Do you realize you're

talking to a man

who just this morning tried to brush

his teeth with a live lobster?

What?

You would've known the second

that you touched it...

I'm just saying it's not

going to be a cakewalk.

Well, then we best get to it.

Now, drink your tea.

- Oh!

- (CUP SHATTERS)

Let me get a sponge. I'll get it.

All right. No, no, just stay there.

I'll have it cleaned up in a jiffy.

Let's try this again.

- Did you throw it?

- Yes, I threw it.

Just remember the curves.

The curves.

- The green eyes.

- Green eyes.

You have to use your

other senses now!

I can't do it!

- (BAXTER BARKING)

- Baxter found something on the beach!

Ron, be careful!

- (BARKING)

- RON:
It's okay!

- Walter, what is it?

- It's some kind of fish!

Oh, my goodness!

If he stays tangled in this net,

he's not going to survive.

Walter, sweetheart, it's a shark.

Son.

Don't you worry,

we won't let this fellow die.

We'll do it together, Dad.

RON:
That should keep him in

there until he's strong enough

to swim out to the deep ocean.

Can I name him?

Of course you can, son.

What about Crackers?

Give me a goddamned break.

Seriously, you've got one of the

most vicious predators in the ocean,

you're gonna name him "Crackers"?

In the future when you say I can name

something, don't be a dick about it.

Why don't we do this?

Let's name him Doby.

You talk all that smack and that's

the best name you come up with?

Well, we're not gonna get

any better than that.

I mean, you obviously can't name

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