Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues Page #9

(YELLING) What did you tell him

I didn't tell him anything.

He hasn't slept for four days, Ron!

Everywhere we go, he asks

me if we're going to Haiti!

What does that even mean?

I am so sick and tired that you've

sheltered him from the evils of voodoo.

You need to learn to connect

with him in a healthy way!

Let me ask you something, and I'm

not trying to be funny here.

Are you sure he's not a midget

with a learning disability?

He is seven years old, Ron.

- All right.

- Now listen to me.

He has a science fair tomorrow, at

8:
00, and he wants you to be there.

I will be there. All right?

Now, who do you have

for sweeps week?

I'm not discussing work

with you, Ron, okay?

Just be there at the

science fair tomorrow.

Fine!

Well, they're calling it the

interview of the decade.

Veronica Corningstone will

sit down with Yasser Arafat.

Yasser who?

The head of the PLO and some say the

key to peace in the Middle East.

Of course, Ms. Corningstone

is the ex-wife of Ron Burgundy,

so you know that's got to be

a little stinger for Ronny.

Tony Danza's scrotum!

Well, that'll do it for

all of us here at GNN.

Thank God for the events,

thank me for the news.

I'm Dick Phuk.

We're going to get crushed

in ratings. Just crushed.

I really thought we had

a chance this time.

What about my "Death

From Above" story?

You better ask Ron about that.

We're pulling that story, Brian.

What? Why?

I worked hard on that story.

It was my call, all right, Brian?

Just let it go. It's synergy.

What does that mean?

Take it easy, Ron.

We got further than

anybody thought we would.

We'll get 'em next time.

You take it easy!

I'm not in this to finish second!

I think Champ is just saying...

I know what he was trying

to say, Brian, okay?

And it doesn't surprise me

that you guys don't care.

Let's face it, I'm the

one who gets the ratings.

I'm starting to wonder what

you clowns actually do.

Chani likes clowns.

Except for the scary ones.

Shut up, Brick!

Just shut up for once!

(VOICE BREAKING) Ron yelled at me.

You're damn right I yelled at you!

You don't yell at Brick.

Are you still smoking crack?

No.

I only smoked crack that one time.

That's a lie. I've done

it six more times.

You made Brick cry.

(SOBBING)

You've gone ratings crazy, Ron.

But seriously, do you have

any more of that crack left?

You know what, Ron?

We're a news team,

and that's a bond for life.

But I don't like the

man you've become.

You know, we were happy

when you found us.

Right?

I was taking pictures of pussies,

Champ was serving bats to people,

and Brick was dead.

We took a gamble. Took a

gamble to follow you here.

But I'm starting to realize,

this was all about you,

and beating Veronica at all costs.

Had nothing to do with the news,

nothing to do with the team.

Brian, don't.

You know, I might not

be the smartest guy,

but I know a thing or two

about a thing or two.

I know that if you're pleasuring

a woman down south,

you use your tongue to

spell out the alphabet.

Around the bubble.

Around her bubble.

- The vulva!

- The Volvo.

I know that "synergy" is a

completely made-up word.

I know that washing your

hands is for nerds.

Especially if you

don't mind pinkeye.

And I know that, no matter what,

you always stand by your friends.

You'll have to excuse me, Brian.

I've got a sore back

from carrying your ass around

for the last 15 years.

You know what, Burgundy?

I think your mouth is writing

checks that your body isn't...

Can't even... Do anything with.

(GROANS)

Fine, go! I don't need you!

I'll do the news by myself!

Tonight I interview

Yasser Arafat...

- This is terrible.

- ...the secretive head of the PLO.

- We're on in 20, Ron, 20.

- All right.

You ready?

What's that?

Oh, that's nothing.

It's just a car chase on the

satellite feed from Milwaukee.

You know what?

Give it to me live to

start the broadcast.

No. That's not news, Ron.

Give it to me live, okay?

And don't question me again.

Bill!

NARRATOR:
Now to you,

- the modern viewer...

- Here we go.

...reporting on a car chase

may seem commonplace...

- Three, two...

- ...but in 1980, it was unheard of.

Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy,

reporting live from New York.

We have breaking news developing

in our nation's heartland.

A high-speed car chase

is in progress...

Keep the "Breaking News" logo.

Keep up the graphics.

Reaching speeds of

100 miles per hour.

And for the first time in news

history, we will stay with it live

until it resolves in either a huge

accident or a massive shootout.

WOMAN:
Richard!

Hurry. Get in here!

There's a car chase on the news!

WALTER:
When is Dad gonna be here?

GARY:
He'll be here.

Are you a little upset?

Do you want to do that thing where

we sort of talk about our feelings?

- Oh, God, no.

- Okay.

RON:
This is the pulse of what's

going on in our country right now.

Freddie, what's going on?

Why is there a local

car chase on the TV?

It's Burgundy. He insisted!

Can't you see what the

son of a b*tch is doing?

We didn't have a story,

so he made one.

You can't do that!

Tell Ron to speculate

who's driving the car.

Ron, speculate on who's

driving the car.

Uh, we believe the

driver may be on drugs.

He's probably 6'7 ", 6'8".

But a skinny 6'7 ", 6'8".

About 160.

He may have a hostage or two.

Uh, we don't know. He could have...

The phone lines are lighting up.

It's about the chase!

I've never seen anything like it!

Mr. Arafat, is there any scenario

by which peace could be

reached with Israel?

ARAFAT:
Peace is what burns

in my heart. I am committed to...

What was... Excuse me.

What happened to the...

The network cut to another

developing story.

Some kind of crazy car chase.

Who covers a car chase?

I am sitting here with the most important

interview of my entire career,

and they're cutting to a car chase?

I would like to watch

the car chase.

You need to shut your mouth.

RON:
This is extremely gripping.

Oh! Oh! He just hit a car!

He just hit a car!

He hit a car! Did you see that?

- He hit a car!

- RON:
Wow!

- He hit the car!

- He hit the car!

- When did the news get awesome?

- (ALL WHOOPING)

RON:
And he just loses it! Wow!

That's exactly what we needed.

It was getting a little boring...

Hey. You did a great job.

Thanks, Gary.

I don't think your dad's coming.

I'm sorry, honey,

but I think we need to go.

Stop reading my mind!

All right.

(SIGHS)

I mean, this is what I worry about.

WALTER:

Did you do that with your mind?

GARY:
No.

WALTER:
Liar.

We're just getting word that police

have finally apprehended the suspect.

It turns out that he is an elderly

gentleman, he's 80 years old,

- and he was simply confused.

- Unbelievable.

I'm Ron Burgundy.

Don't just have a great night,

have an American night.

And we are clear!

Yes!

RON:
Great!

All right!

I don't believe it!

You did it, Ron!

Oh, my goodness. Thanks, Freddie.

RON:
I don't deserve this.

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