And When Did You Last See Your Father? Page #3

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- It's a bit fast.

- You can go faster.

Faster than this?

Quick! Come on! That's it!

Excellent, do you like it?

Good. Are you ready?

One... two... three!

Now!

Come on. Come on.

Come on out, you little sod!

Come on. Come on, get up.

- Hello?

- Hi.

- Oh, it's you.

- Who else were you expecting?

I just... I thought it might be mum.

I'm walking the dog.

Mind if I call you when I get back?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

- As soon as I get in. Bye.

- Bye.

Come on... Stupid, stupid, stupid.

- Sending you mad is he?

- I'm getting your migraines.

Can't you come and rescue me?

Sorry, love, it's men only.

You're on your own, I'm afraid.

Did he blame me for that

tent pole business?

What tent pole business?

- Didn't he tell you last night?

- I took a sleeping pill. Why?

What happened with the tent poles?

Blake? You there?

He woke me at six in the morning!

That's never happened before.

Something must be up.

I wasn't far wrong. I realised we were

sleeping in two foot of water.

The bloody stream had burst it's banks.

Blake gave me a look like thunder.

I thought he was going to punch me one.

Excuse me a minute.

Here you are, a present for you.

Don't tell Mummy. You'll get me shot.

- Where are you going?

- Phone her.

What, again?

I just want to make sure

she's managing without us.

If anyone asks, you're 36!

I wish you were here too.

I know, but what can we do?

Don't be daft. You know I do.

Well, there's no point in worrying

about it. Everything's gonna be fine.

After all, where's the harm?

Yes. Yeah, we will, we will.

How are you doing, Stirling Moss?

Behaving yourself?

- Right, one for the road?

- I'm going to bed.

Good idea.

- How was Mum?

- What?

Oh, she was asleep.

I said I'd call her in the morning.

- Hey, Arthur? Have you heard the news?

- No, turn it up.

Soviet missiles

should be removed from Cuba

under United Nations supervision.

Further details of the deal

have yet to become clear.

But it seems that for tonight, at least,

the world can sleep a little safer.

What did I tell you? No point in getting

worked up about it, was there?

Are you all right?

So... to Kennedy, then.

To Kennedy.

That went down well.

Think I can sneak in one more.

I think I'll pop you

in the boot too.

- Why can't you go instead?

- Not today, Blake.

Why? Have you got one

of your migraines?

No. Not yet, anyway.

No, I've got patients to see,

that's all.

Somebody's got to keep that surgery

running while Dad is off gadding about.

But why does Aunty Beaty

always have to come?

Well, because your Aunty Beaty

gets a bit blue.

- And your Dad likes cheering her up.

- I'd still prefer it if you came.

Would you stop grizzling,

for goodness sake!

Look, darling, I'm sorry.

But you'll have fun. Go on.

Go on. OK.

Oh, one more!

One, two, three!

Let's get you down.

Come on, let's have some lunch.

Boom-boom. Boom-boom.

Boom-boom. Boom-boom.

Can you hear it?

Pumping away?

Can I have a go?

Blake, you and Gillian

take Josie down the hill

whilst Aunty Beaty and I

get the picnic ready.

- Arthur, I don't think...

- No, no. Nonsense.

You can look after the ladies,

can't you?

Big, strong lad like you.

Go on, off you go!

What are you doing, Blake?

- What does it look like?

- Stop showing off. You'll fall!

- I won't fall.

- Blake, come down. You're too high!

Blake!

- Blake!

- Blake!

Blake!

Blake, what the hell do you think you're

playing at, sneaking up on people?

I fell out of a tree.

How did you get up a tree? Fly up?

I don't think

we're going to have to amputate.

But I am going to put

some antiseptic on it.

And that's going to sting a bit.

Brave enough?

Now, that's it. You take

that end, now take this end...

Now...

...best not to tell Mummy

about any of this, eh?

You'll get me in trouble.

Is that a deal?

Now remember, big boys don't cry.

Especially not in front of girls.

Show them how brave you are!

All right?

Good boy.

Another swig of wine, please.

"Swig." Funny word, "swig."

Have you been through the papers yet?

The stocks and tax and stuff?

Not yet, Dad. No.

Have a look at it all, will you?

Your Mother's a bit scared of it,

I think.

I will, yes.

Sometime soon, all right?

Who's that?

Robert Morrison.

Died 1948, run over by a horse.

Drunk, probably.

It says here that Daniel Morrison...

...married his wife's sister

as well as his wife.

Yes, his first wife died in

childbirth, and he married the sister.

Yes, God, you weren't allowed

to mention Daniel, either.

- All this scandal.

- Well...

...now it can come out.

What did Granddad die of, Mum?

Oh... cancer, I think. Yeah.

- Bowel?

- Mm-hmm.

I think you've one

or two more years yet, Blake.

I remember when Granddad died.

Dad cried for months.

I remember at the wake,

somebody came up him and asked him,

"When did you last

see your father?" and...

...he just went to pieces.

Blake! Say hello

to Beaty and Sam.

Hello, Beaty and Sam.

Blake? Where are you?

Come down and say hello.

- You're meant to knock.

- Look who's come to see you.

- Hello, Josie.

- Hello.

- What are you up to, then?

- I'm reading.

About someone who murders his father.

Well, read it later. Come downstairs,

Beaty and Sam are here.

- Why can't I just?

- Because it's Christmas!

What are you drinking these days, Josie?

Vodka? Brandy?

There you are!

We were about to send out

a search party for you, young man.

Never a piece of mistletoe

when you need one. Oh, well.

Merry Christmas, Blake.

Happy Christmas, Aunty Beaty.

I think you're big enough

for just plain Beaty now, don't you?

- Suppose so.

- Here.

Oh... the crown prince, eh?

Well, I'm going to help your mother.

All right, Sandra? Steve?

All right, skinny.

- Where have you been hiding, Blake?

- Just upstairs.

Playing with yourself?

Better give it a rest, Morrison,

- or it'll snap off in your hand.

- I was reading, Steve.

Dostoevsky, actually.

Right, well. See you later then.

Like the hat... Dostoevsky.

Grim, isn't it?

Sodom and Gomorrah.

Is it me, or does it

get worse every year?

It gets worse.

Look at Sandra and Steve.

Disgusting.

You'd think they'd do it outside,

or something. Pig.

There you are. Look, what can it be?

- Gill?

- What?

- You know Josie?

- What about her?

Do you think that?

Do you think that she

looks a bit like us?

- What do you mean?

- You know what I mean.

- It's a little beauty.

- Thank you.

Don't be daft.

One of your migraines?

No.

Just...

Just a headache.

Too much wine at dinner, I think.

Go back to the party. Have some fun.

I'll just...

...go upstairs and lie down for a bit.

God, I wish...

I wish the ground could have

swallowed me up.

We were

just having a bit of fun.

Oh, fun! Is that what you call it?

It's just a dance.

It is Christmas, after all.

What's Christmas

got to do with anything?

- I love you. Come here.

- Get off me! God! God, Arthur!

I found him under our bed,

groping his Christmas presents

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