Anger Management Page #8

I want to introduce you to somebody.

-Stacy, Gina, this is Linda.

-Nice to meet you.

And l'd like you to meet my date.

Ladies, this is Buddy Rydell.

-Look, Dave, it's Buddy.

-I see.

-You know Stacy and Gina?

-Yes, yes, l do.

We're in Dave's anger group.

Fury Fighters!

Well, gee whiz.

Here's your Rmy, Linda.

This is a bit awkward.

I mean, group members...

...are not supposed to get

romantically involved.

-Yeah! l agree with that.

-You know that.

I'd like to talk to you alone

for a second.

There's a rage control technique l'd

like to go over with you right now.

Of course. Excuse me--

What?

-Two of the usual, Duke.

-Coming right up, Dr. B.

You're the biggest backstabbing

piece of crap l ever met.

What are you saying?

I'm trying to give you a hand.

It's my job.

Bullshit!

Your job is to steal my girlfriend?!

My job is trying to prevent

Mr. Andrew...

...from unleashing the Whopper

with Cheese.

That's right. Since you've

been out of the picture...

...Andrew's been burning up the wires

night and day...

...trying to rekindle those

hotsie-totsie nights up at Brown U.

-How would you know?

-You think l only tapped your phone?

What was she saying?

The good news is, l already launched

a preemptive strike.

Now the situation is contained.

You and l control the game.

How?

I will be uncharacteristically

aggressively boring.

I keep talking about myself,

acting arrogant and obnoxious.

When Linda sees what

the dating world is really like...

...then guess who comes out

smelling like a white mushroom?

-You swear to me this will work?

-The ball's already up in the air.

Incidentally, nice move

bringing the girls.

Very strong. Come on.

I'll see you at home

in a half-hour, keed.

That's 25 dollars, pal.

We don't....

Where were you? lt's 1 :00.

When you hear what happened, you'll

bow down and worship me like a god.

-Better be good. Give it to me.

-Okay.

After dinner, she insisted we go home.

So we hop on the bus--

The bus? You took the bus?

What happened to your car?

I was way too smashed to drive.

I told her l didn't want to waste money

on a cab. That did not go down well.

Okay. I like that.

So we get to her house...

...we have some kind of a weird

argument...

...about the number of syllables

in a haiku.

Poetry garbage.

She said it was getting late,

we kissed and l headed on home.

Now, you say you kissed?

It was nothing. Little five-second kiss.

That's all.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

You're having this horrible evening.

-How do you end up kissing, again?

-I wish l knew, keed.

We were both pretty geezed up.

One second we're fighting,

and the next second we're laughing...

...and then just a quick

I thought that you said five seconds.

First it was a five-second one...

...and then a little break because

my beard gave her a tickle.

She's cute.

And then a 1 0-second Frencher.

You had your crazy, corroded tongue

in my girlfriend's mouth?

Just a second. Just one second, Dave.

Dr. B, let it bip.

Well, hello.

I shouldn't really talk right now.

Well, l suppose you're right.

It's got to be done.

Who was that? Linda?

I've got some good news for you

and some potentially upsetting news.

First, the good news.

I'm going to sign your papers.

You're a free man.

Let me hear

the potentially upsetting news.

Linda and l have fallen

for one another.

Pretty hard too.

David, l hope you believe me

when l say this:

I didn't intend for this to happen.

It was no one's fault, l guess.

It was just--

Wait a minute.

I figured this out.

You're messing with me.

I wish l were, Dave.

However, l did insist that we not

go forward without your blessing...

...because we're best friends.

So, what do you say, Dave?

Is it all right if l date your ex?

Welcome back, Mr. Buznik.

I am appalled by your assault

on Dr. Rydell.

Obviously, anger management

has been a complete failure for you.

I'm setting a trial date for 3 weeks

from today for attempted murder.

As for Dr. Rydell's safety,

l'm issuing a restraining order.

Which means that at no time can you

come within 500 feet of him...

...or his lovely new girlfriend, Linda.

Court is adjourned.

Coming, Peaches.

Are you kidding me?

Numb-nuts, where's the catalog

for my Fat Cat clothing line?

I said l'd have it by 3.

-Okay.

-Get in gear.

I'm so sorry l'm late.

I hope you have it.

My presentation's in two hours.

What's this? Your fat-sh*t cat's

been sitting there all day.

Don't worry about him.

Here you go.

I think you're gonna like it.

It's good stuff.

That's a good picture, l think.

What the hell is this?!

You keep telling everybody you

created the Husky Cat line.

I thought you'd want your picture

in there. No?

Question:
Can l get two couches

in my office?

If friends come over, l want them

to feel comfortable.

What office?

Frank was nice enough to give me

some creative executive position.

-You gave him the job that l wanted?

-He earned it.

Why can't you be happy for me?

Linda's gonna be.

Know something?

l'm sick of you hanging out with Linda.

She dumped you 1 5 years ago.

Get over it.

I wouldn't worry about me.

It's your pal Buddy who's taking her

to the Yankee game tonight.

Yankee game.

Did he steal my proposal idea?

Buznik, your behavior

is unacceptable.

Unacceptable?

I've been getting your coffee and

doing your work for five years now.

When a good position

actually opens up...

...you give it to the biggest dick

in the world?

I don't know about the world, but it's

definitely the biggest one in the room.

Now, when l started here...

...l was promised advancement

opportunities.

And breaking that promise, to me,

is unacceptable.

You see? l golf also.

You should bring me sometime.

So when l get out of jail, sometime

in the next two to five years...

...l expect you to give me the position

that Andrew just resigned from.

-Okay.

-Great.

Have fun looking like Colonel Klink.

By the way, his name is not

Fat-sh*t Cat, it's Meatball...

...and he's eating your crab cakes

right now.

-You starting to get excited?

-Are you kidding? l'm out of my mind.

This is going to be some night.

Come on. Come on.

-Dr. B, how's it going?

-Very well, thank you.

Always a thrill. Right this way.

Where the hell's a spot?

Where's a spot?

Whoa! Watch it, man!

Your attention, please.

Your attention, please.

Before tonight's National Anthem...

...Metropolitan Opera star Robert

Merrill...

...will present a special moment

for two special people.

I love when they do this.

-Good.

-Ladies and gentlemen, Robert Merrill.

Linda?! Linda!

What the hell do you think

you're doing?

Wait, don't l know you?

-Come on.

-Where's your German accent?

You have me confused

with somebody--

I wanna get on the field.

I'm a fan of Mr. Merrill's.

-There's no fans allowed on that field.

-Galaxia.

It's Gary.

Whatever. Someone else will marry

my woman if you don't let me go.

-Hebrew Melvin's in love.

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