Angus Thongs And Perfect Snogging Page #3

- Hi, Georgia.

- Hi, El.

Thank you, Georgia. I'll be in touch.

You did tongues, didn't you?

Number six.

You did a big fat tongue sandwich,

didn't you?

Oh, my God.

All I know is, he was from Saliva City.

But who cares?

I'm a snogging sensation.

Wait!

Mum? Dad?

I just want you both to know how much I

really appreciate all you've done for me.

I mean, it can't be easy since

you can hardly remember being my age

'cause it was so long ago.

Have you been inhaling fumes

from the science lab?

I want to talk party details.

Oh, Georgia. I told you I needed

to talk about something important.

Oh, this is important!

- Oh, all right! You go first.

- Can I invite boys?

You haven't got some fancy fellow

we don't know about, have you?

No. Honestly, Dad.

No one says "fella" any more.

This isn't the Middle Ages, you know.

Or the '70s as you call it.

Sorry, Dad. I must be hormonal.

Can I have a D. J?

Why would we pay for one when

we've already got one in the family?

- What?

- Oh, yes.

No way.

Oh, I want music from this century, Dad.

If we hire a club,

we'll get a D.J. thrown in.

We are not going to hire a club.

I can get a very good rate

at the community hall.

We've thrown

some legendary bashes there.

We still know how to get down.

Hey, wait, missy.

I haven't told you my news.

Okay, just please stop snogging.

It's not normal.

- I have been offered a promotion.

- Oh, cool.

Maybe I can get a PDA

instead of a mobile now?

Georgia, where in the world do you find

the most geomagnetic thermal activity?

- I don't know, Dad.

- New Zealand.

That's the slight catch.

The job's in New Zealand.

- What?

- Look, I know it's a big deal

and I don't have to decide anything yet.

I really want to discuss it

with all the family.

It's a bit of a shock for us all

but your dad's not going to do

anything we're not happy with.

Oh, Dad, you should totally go.

What an opportunity.

Yes. One less parent to deal with.

If Dad goes to New Zealand

I can easily get around Mum

and have my dream party.

Now, I just need a plan to show Robbie

I'm a natural born snogger.

So, I've figured out what I've got

that Slaggy Lindsay doesn't.

Hair on the back of your legs?

- The Angus advantage.

- What?

Robbie loves cats and so do I. So,

when he finds out Angus is missing...

- But Angus isn't missing.

- Don't be dim.

We just pretend Angus is missing

so I get Robbie to help me find him.

He'll discover how unfake I am

and then I'll try out my new natural

snogging technique and voil!

I've got my sex god.

Then we get you yours,

and we're all set for my party.

The hottest, choicest party of the year.

Okay. When you see Robbie

and I walk this way,

you let Angus go

so Robbie can find him,

resulting in high self esteem for him

and a celebration snogathon for me.

Yeah, got it. Is that Tom?

Oh, he has got a fit bum.

Quality lushness! Oh, I wish

I could just go up and snog his face off.

Honestly, Jas. Sometimes I think

you're half girl, half turnip.

- Just focus on the plan.

- Oh, God, you're right.

Have you done those

flower pots for me, son?

Yes. Yes, Mum.

- Hiya.

- Oh, hi.

Are you okay? What's wrong?

It's my cat. He's lost.

I don't know what happened.

He just disappeared.

I'd go out and look with you

but I've got to help my mum in the shop.

I'll put it in the window.

Sure. Thanks, Robbie.

Georgia!

- If I lost Jubbly, I'd be really upset, too.

- Yeah, I'm pretty gutted.

Ben, Ben, Ben! Get it, Ben, go!

- Trixie.

- Angus, stop!

- Are you all right?

- Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

- Can you get the cat?

- No worries.

Trixie, come back!

Angus?

Come on, you fluffy cat. Angus? Angus?

So, are you glad

you moved to Eastbourne?

Yeah. Have you always lived here?

Yeah. It's called God's Waiting Room

'cause it's where people come to die.

- I heard Eastbourne's the new Brighton.

- Don't be stupid.

It's more peaceful here than London.

I like to come to the beach.

Write songs.

- About what?

- Angus?

I don't know, life, the universe.

- How reality TV is brainwashing us.

- Wow.

Angus? Come on, you fluffy cat.

So, what do the Stiff Dylans sound like?

Well, actually we've got a lot of

influences, Radiohead, Pink Floyd.

My dad listens to Pink Floyd

when he's been on the vino.

- He knows all the words backwards.

- My dad plays air guitar really badly.

- He thinks he's Hendrix.

- Does he make a wicked guitar face?

Oh, not as wicked as me. I've taken the

uncool guitar face to a whole new level.

Let's see one then.

Thank you and good night, Eastbourne.

- You've been a great crowd.

- Rock on!

I don't think Angus is here.

He likes the park, too.

Okay, let's go.

- So, is that your mum behind the till?

- Yeah.

She's really pretty. Mine's mental.

No, honestly, she's mad as a hatter.

She's actually become

quite a regular customer.

Oh, my God.

Promise you won't take anything

she says about me seriously.

That's no problem.

So, does your dad work

in the shop, too?

No, he's in London.

My parents just got divorced.

- Oh, sorry.

- It's okay.

That's why my mum opened the shop.

She's always wanted one.

It's good that Tom and I can

keep an eye on her, you know?

- What's wrong?

- Nothing, I thought I heard something.

- Robbie!

- Look, Georgia, my brother's found him.

Yeah.

- Angus. Come here.

- Angus!

- I'm sorry, Georgia.

- You messed it all up.

- You were meant to be waiting...

- Over there.

...by the fountain.

- I couldn't. That cat is mental.

It's okay, it's all right. I'll get him.

He went down there.

Ouch.

Angus, come here. Gotcha.

Come on, boy, it's okay.

Good boy. Got you. I've got him.

- Are you okay?

- Easy, Rob. He nearly broke Jas' arm.

Yeah, where'd you find him, Jas?

Georgia said she's been looking all day.

I found him in the park by the fountain.

That's lucky.

That's where we were looking.

Angus was raised by a family

of Scottish beavers. He loves water.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Here we go.

- What were you doing? Thanks, Robbie.

You saved him.

Oh, Robbie. Lindsay called

and she's waiting for you on the pier.

Right, I'd better go.

Sure. No problem.

Thanks again for helping me.

Yeah, yeah, it was fun. I'll see you later.

All right, Jas.

- Oh, yeah.

- See ya later then.

Yeah, see ya later.

- "See ya later." Again.

- We were really hitting it off.

- Jas?

- Yeah?

- Do you wanna go out some time?

- With you?

- Yeah, with me.

- Sure.

- Great. Should I get your number then?

- Oh, yeah.

When do you think he'll really call?

Do you think I should have

taken his number, too?

Or would that have

just looked desperate?

Jas, it was perfect.

You did everything right.

But he's from a broken home.

You have to be extra mature.

Totally. When he calls will you help me

pick an outfit for the date?

Love to.

Good job, Angus.

...family!

- But the month,

I'm gonna have to be

on my own with the kids,

- dealing with everything!

- Yes, but I've got to go!

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