Angus Thongs And Perfect Snogging Page #4

We can't just turn up with nothing

set up. I have to go and set it up!

I know, but I'm just trying to tell you...

Then you can come join me

and we'll have a better quality of life.

- It'll be fantastic for all of us!

- Come on. Listen to me, please.

- I'm just saying it's upsetting to me...

- 'Cause I never listen, that's right.

- Oh, my God!

- I never listen to you, do I?

Your dad is just impossible.

Georgia? Can you come up here

for a minute, please?

Hi, sweetheart. Can you

give me a hand with this packing?

'Cause your mum is

making a right mess of it.

Dad, why do you need

four pairs of brown trousers?

- 'Cause they go with everything.

- They do not.

Hey, I'm not going on a fashion shoot.

Hey, what is it, munchkin?

Dad, I don't like it

when you and Mum fight.

Promise me you won't hang out

with any Kiwi women while you're away.

Not even ugly ones.

What are you talking about, Georgia?

Hey, this is a big change for us all.

I'm not going out there

to be "living La Vida Loca."

Though I'm glad you still think

your dad's a handsome old devil,

even if he does belong

in the Stone Age.

Come on, then. How many pairs

of brown trousers do I need?

- Two.

- Two.

- Georgia? It's a boy. Result!

- What boy?

- Mr Peter Dyer.

- Oh, no. Saliva Boy.

What? He sounds keen to talk to you.

Georgia!

Georgia?

- Goodbye, love.

- Goodbye.

Kiss for Daddy? Bye, Libby.

Oh, my little elf.

- Oh, my love, you've got conjunctivitis.

- Relax.

I'm sad you're going and all that,

Dad, but it's only Vaseline.

- What?

- Makes your eyelashes longer.

Oh, Georgia, I wish you'd stop messing

about with yourself for one minute.

- You're beautiful.

- No, I'm not.

You have to say that. You're my dad.

Okay, you guys, I'm gonna ring you

as soon as I get there. All right?

Oh, and Georgie, darling, one last thing.

Stay off the bleeding phone.

- Bob, have you got your flight socks?

- In the back. Bye.

Georgia. He called.

- Already?

- Twice.

I'm having a major nervy B.

Zitney Spears or what?

The ice is bringing it down, though.

But I don't know if I should wear a bra.

You're not planning

on getting to level seven already?

Duh. I'm not a scrubber.

I just don't know if I need to wear a bra

to make me look more mature,

or if it'll just go bunchy under my top

and make me look fatter.

- Pencil test.

- You do it, too.

Crap. So no bra tonight.

God, mine's staying up for the first time.

- You're lucky. You're so voluptuous.

- Are you saying I'm fat?

No, you've got

just the right amount of breastiness.

Sadly, my mum can get

a whole pencil case up there.

I don't want them to get too big.

Otherwise I'll end up with backbreakers

like my mum or the Queen.

- The Queen hasn't got big bazoomas.

- Yes, she has.

She has a special bra that

pushes them under her armpits

so she doesn't look common

or unroyal with a 44 DD.

Jas, do you think, maybe,

you could tell Tom

how much better I am for Robbie

than Slaggy Lindsay?

- Of course. Oh, how's my spot?

- Do you want me to squeeze it?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Hello.

- Georgia, it's a builder I called.

I'm just getting dressed.

Make him a cup of tea.

What a pretty bride in your lucky dress.

Mum, will you hurry up?

- I've got to go meet Jas!

...there you are. There.

- Here comes the bride.

- Libby,

will you stop dressing Angus

up in drag?

All dressed in white.

Slips off banana skins

and dressing on the side.

You'll soon discover this is a madhouse.

Are you okay, Angus?

- You look lovely, Angus.

- Tea?

- Yes, please.

- What a beautiful bride.

Georgia, I'm thinking about

getting the living room redone but...

What a lovely dress!

That's a great dress.

But don't tell your dad.

It's a secret for when he gets back.

- What a pretty bride!

- I know he looks like George Clooney...

- I'm Connie.

- Jem. Nice to meet you, Connie.

... who's ancient but still a fittie.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, good.

But he'd never fancy her

in a million years

- and in that top?

- Shall we?

- Yeah.

- Please.

Tom's lips are so soft.

Did you tell him

to tell Robbie about me?

I dreamt about Tom all night.

Earth to Jas.

Did you talk about me and Robbie?

Oh, sorry, I forgot.

Thanks.

Wait a minute. Tom did say something.

He said Robbie thought Lindsay

was a bit clingy sometimes.

Tom smells so nice,

not fromagey like most boys.

Great.

So, what exactly did he mean

about Lindsay being clingy?

You know, Tom wants to go into

the fruit and veg business.

He says the future's organic.

That's fascinating,

but what about me and Robbie?

Hello, gorgeous.

Excuse me? Jas?

Washing machine syndrome or what?

- Jas?

- Okay.

- Jas?

- Jas?

- She's being really shallow.

- Hi.

- Hi. Mrs Unavailable.

- What?

We all think you've really changed

since you've got a man in your life.

Oh, come on, G.

A thong?

Have you bought your ticket yet?

- What?

- To Vulgaria, with your new best mate.

Why are you being so stroppy?

You'll always be my best mate.

Just think of it like me going

undercover and spying on her.

All right.

Now you're thinking like a best friend.

- I taught you well.

- Hurry up, girls.

Let's get physical.

What are you waving at, minger?

Listen, short arse,

keep away from my man.

He's not a cradle snatcher,

and you're not woman enough for him.

- So back off!

- I wasn't waving at anybody.

Talk to each other, ladies.

Look, she's wide open over here.

Pass the ball.

- Go on, Georgia, go on.

- Run, Georgia.

Oh, the cow. I can't believe she did that.

- That Lindsay was well out of order.

- She's a full-on bully.

- Robbie mentioned you at lunch.

- Really?

He said he was happy you found Angus.

How sweet.

He just has to get to know you

and see how brill you are.

Kirsty Walsh in upper fifth's having

a party for her sixteenth tonight.

- I got you all invited.

- Oh, wicked.

This is your chance

to impress Robbie yourself.

Oh, there's Tom. I'll see you later, gang.

- How are you?

- I'm fine, how are you?

Quick, Georgia, hide.

And did you see my second goal?

Right? It was spectacular.

I saw you floor Georgia.

Well, why do you care about her

all of a sudden?

- It was a cheap shot.

- Okay, coach.

You can give me a spanking

and I'll never do it again.

- Did you see that?

- Absolutely.

- How could you not?

- She moved in for full-frontal snogging,

but he converted it to lips-to-cheek.

Which proves

he didn't want to snog her, right?

- So right.

- Georgia?

What are you doing?

- Ellen lost an earring.

- She's wearing her earrings.

It was another one.

One she wasn't wearing.

- You're nuts.

- Hey.

- See you later.

- Oh, wait, Robbie.

I really think I owe Georgia an apology.

I'm really sorry I tripped you.

You were playing absolutely brilliantly.

- You should go up for the school team.

- Wow, Linds, that's really cool.

Yeah, she's right, you should, Georgia.

- Is my moustache showing?

- What moustache?

Well, my mum gave me this cream

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