Angus Thongs And Perfect Snogging Page #6

will ever want to know me

because I'm the naff girl who had

the sad party that no one went to.

- Georgia.

- Okay, good night, Mrs Nicolson.

Jas, spill it.

Georgie, darling.

Come here.

I know what you're feeling like, honey.

It's awful when you like someone

that can't see how brilliant you are.

- Mum, what exactly has Jas told you?

- She didn't say any more than that.

And, honey, it's your business. You can

talk to me if and whenever you want.

You're such a clever, bright girl,

Georgia. Remember that.

And please,

have a look at this.

Mum, I really don't need to learn

about astronomy right now.

No, honey, this is a very special book

that will open your mind to the

curious way of the male species.

See? I already knew

boys were from a different planet.

They're infuriating.

They say one thing and mean another.

Exactly.

And they act like they like you

and then they just ignore you.

Then out of the blue, they decide

they want to move to New Zealand.

And don't worry too much.

I'm still trying to figure them out.

Okay, poppet? Yeah?

Come on.

Jem, sweetie, can you come here?

I need a hand.

Hi, girls. I didn't see you there.

Put your tongues away, you slappers.

I need to discuss a plan.

Can you open this for me, love?

I can never get it right.

Bottle of red?

- Mum!

- What?

I'm getting really worried. I mean, how

long can it take to decorate one room?

- If I could just show you...

- Libby called him Daddy the other day.

When's your dad coming back?

He wants to take

the job in New Zealand.

What? So you're going to move there?

No way.

My mum doesn't want to go, either.

And I can't go now,

given the Robbie situation.

- Good.

- So,

do you think your mum

will divorce your dad to stay here?

- Sorry.

- It's not a problem.

You know, you're right.

That George Clooney's well buff.

He'd never fancy your mum

in a zillion years.

- No way.

- Now, why did you call us all over?

Okay.

Last night, my mum tried to have this

real woman-to-woman chat with me,

after you opened

your big gob about Robbie.

- Cringeworthy or what?

- But then she gave me this book.

It's my mum's Boy Bible,

and it told me how to get Robbie back.

- But isn't that book American?

- Yeah.

Well, then it'll be about American boys,

won't it?

No, it's about boykind.

- It says boys are like elastic bands.

- What?

What do you mean, like elastic bands?

Well, they like to be all close,

and then after a bit of being close,

they have to stretch and get far away.

And you have to let them.

- And then they come springing back.

- Okay.

So, what's your plan?

First I ask his mate,

Dave the Laugh, to the gig.

Don't worry about a glass. It's fine.

I need him for my plan,

which involves the two osities.

Maturiosity and Glaciosity.

Firstly, I have to prove to Robbie that

I'm sophisticated and grown up.

That's the maturiosity bit.

Secondly, I must be distant

and alluring, and play hard to get.

Ice cool like a glacier.

That's the glaciosity bit.

The conclusion is that Robbie comes

springing back like an elastic band.

He chucks Lindsay, and she's so upset,

she cancels her party.

You look really

gorgeous tonight, Georgia.

Thanks. You're very honest.

Dave, what's the first thing

you notice in a girl?

Well, most lads would say eyes.

But they're lying.

- It's your nunganungas.

- What?

Why do you call them nunganungas?

Well, 'cause when you

get hold of one, and then let it go

it goes nunga, nunga, nunga.

One, two.

Dave, you make me laugh

like a loon on loon tablets.

You're such a laugh!

Good evening, Brighton.

We are the Stiff Dylans.

You spurn my natural emotions

You make me feel like dirt

And I'm hurt

And if I start a commotion

I run the risk of losing you

And that's worse

Ever fallen in love with someone

Ever fallen in love

In love with someone

Ever fallen in, in love with someone

You shouldn't have fallen in love with

I can't see much of a future

Unless we find out who's to blame

What a shame

Georgia!

And we won't be together much longer

Unless we realise that we are the same

Hi, rock star. Great show.

- Not really.

- What's wrong?

I think I'm coming down

with a cold or something.

I was just going to go say hi

to Dave the Laugh and then...

No time.

Everyone's coming back to mine.

No, you're right.

Thanks, Dave. I had a lot of fun.

It was a laugh.

It was one of the best nights of my life.

I just want you to know,

I really... like you.

- Thanks again, Dave. Good night.

- See you soon, beautiful.

What's wrong with you?

Your plan worked.

Poor Dave. I keep seeing his face

when he tried to kiss me.

I didn't mean to lead him on.

Hi, Dave.

Is everything okay?

- I hope your elastic band theory worked.

- What?

Jas told Tom you only went out with me

to make Robbie jealous.

You're a heartless user.

- What you did, that's just pants, that is.

- I'm sorry.

And I really thought,

you thought I was a laugh.

I told you I'm sorry.

I'm so beyond the Valley of Loserville

because of you and your big mouth.

I didn't mean to tell Tom.

I was just saying how much you really

liked Robbie and it just came out.

Dave thinks I'm a heartless user.

He's going to tell everyone,

and Robbie will hate me forever.

If you weren't so loved up

with cabbage boy,

you would have thought about that

before opening your fat gob.

Oh, just stop being so jealous, Georgia.

Jealous? What? Of Tom?

He's not even good enough for you, Jas.

Do you seriously want to spend the rest

of your life picking out cabbages?

At least Robbie has bigger goals.

- He wants to do music.

- Well, at least Tom loves me.

Robbie isn't even your boyfriend.

Well, he would've been,

if you hadn't put your big foot in it.

You never wanted me

to get Robbie, did you?

You wanted to be

the one with the boyfriend.

No, it's all your own fault, Georgia.

You scared Robbie away

with all your scheming and pretending.

And you said Lindsay was fake.

- I'm never talking to you again.

- Good. End of.

And I did give you a four for your nose.

And I'm going to Lindsay's party

instead of yours.

Georgia Nicolson.

Headmistress' office, now.

You've really pissed off a lot of people.

Dave's really cut up.

He's my mate, Georgia.

I didn't mean to use him.

You never called me

when you said you would.

I handled it really badly, I know.

But I didn't want to two-time anyone.

Or hurt anybody's feelings.

So, you were thinking of

breaking up with Lindsay

- and then you were going to call me?

- Yeah.

And then I saw you with Dave at my gig.

I was gutted.

But that's different now.

Why did you tell Jas that

my brother wasn't good enough for her?

I didn't mean that. We were fighting...

Does that mean

I'm not good enough for you, either?

No, of course not.

See, I thought you were

different than that, Georgia.

But you're not. You're just a kid.

You only think about yourself.

Honestly, Becky, he drives me crazy.

He just doesn't understand how moving

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