Animal Crackers Page #5

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Captain. Did you catch 6 tigers?

I begged them to go away,

but they hung around all day.

They were the most persistent tigers

I've ever seen.

The principal animals in Africa are

moose, elks and Knights of Pythias.

You all know what a moose is.

The first day I shot two bucks.

As I say,

you all know what a moose is.

A moose eats cheese

and is chased by cats.

The elks live in the hills, and

hold their convention in the spring.

It's interesting

when they come to the waterhole.

Boy, do they run

when they see it's only a waterhole.

What they're looking for

is an alco-hole.

One morning I shot an elephant

in my pajamas.

How he got in them, I don't know.

We tried to remove the tusks.

That's not so easy to say, tusks.

Oh, simple. Tusks.

My name is Spaulding.

I've always wanted to meet you.

As I say, we tried to remove

the tusks, but we couldn't budge them.

In Alabama, the tusks are looser.

But that's entirely ir-elephant.

We took pictures of the native girls,

but they weren't developed.

But we're going back

in a couple of weeks...

Very enlightening.

- Hooray for Captain Spaulding.

Three cheers!

Three cheers for Captain Spaulding!

Three cheers...

- No one asked for the chairs.

Put them back. Vow get along.

Go on, go on!

And now, friends, Signor Ravelli

will oblige us at the piano.

His first selection is

"Somewhere My Love Lies Sleeping"

with a male chorus.

Say, if you get near a song, play it.

I can't think of the finish.

That's strange.

I can't think of anything else.

You know what?

I think I went past it.

If you come around again,

jump off.

I once kept this up for three days.

You wouldn't consider hush money,

would you?

I can't get 'em now. I've gotta wait

for inspiration. - It's about time.

Play the song about Montreal.

- Montreal?

"I'm A Dreamer, Montreal."

Don't know it. I'll play one of my own

compositions, by Victor Herbert.

Make it short.

He plays them both well.

Your team scored that time.

And the old blue one.

Why do you push?

- They may exterminate each other.

The best thing for either of them.

That one's for old Purdue.

I was afraid of that.

I thought I had the finish.

- I wish you did. Yours.

Play the song

about the Irish chiropodist.

"My Fate Is In Your Hands".

Is there a horse in the house?

They got everything else here.

And now, Mrs. Rittenrotten...

Rittenhouse. - Yes, a slight error.

I have a surprise for you.

The man is here for the piano.

- Oh, Captain!

When I departed from the natives

in Africa, they gave me a gift.

And this I give to you, at a low fare.

- How wonderful.

Don't be too hasty...

- I can't wait...

It was all done

with the white of an egg.

What is it, Captain?

What is it?

It's a hope chest for a guinea pig.

This magnificent chest...

No, this magnificent chest

I present to you with my compliments.

- This leaves me speechless.

See that you remain that way.

- And now, ladies and gentlemen...

Step outside and say that.

Mrs. Rittenhouse has perhaps a greater

surprise for us in the library.

This way, Captain.

Mrs. Rittenhouse, how do you pay

Hives? By the week or by the pound?

And now it is my privilege

to reveal the masterpiece

of Franois Jacques

DuBois Gilbert Beaugard.

No trains will be sold

after the magazines leave the depot.

"After the Hunt."

There! I said you were a great artist.

Shall we spill the beans?

- Wait. Something might happen.

We'd all enjoy a few words

from Mr. Chandler,

who will tell us something

of Beaugard's life and work.

And keep it clean!

Mr. Chandler!

My friends,

you are all familiar with Beaugard.

This is perhaps his masterpiece.

In it he has achieved a greatness

in the handling of color and line.

Vow you will see here...

Wait! This is not my picture.

This is a rank imitation.

What do you mean?

- See for yourself.

You are right. It's not the Beaugard.

- Certainly not. A dog is missing.

Captain Spaulding, what shall I do?

- Call the dog-catchers at once.

They've taken the original.

- I'll throw some light on this.

Anyone have a match?

- What happened?

Hives, where are you?

Turn on the lights.

Did you lose that fish again?

- I'm so worried.

Good heavens. That one is gone, too.

- Oh, this is awful.

The crooks are escaping.

Follow me, men. No, just the women!

Right this way.

They went out here.

Oh, the excitement. I never saw

anything so funny before.

This is great.

And there goes her old party.

Wasn't it funny?

- Oh, v-v-v-very.

You're not afraid, are you?

- Oh no. Not at all.

But they were talking about the police

and I don't want them suspecting me.

They won't suspect you.

- Oh yes!

The last time they suspected me,

I got four years. - Hives!

You give me the painting,

and I'll take care of it. - Good.

Good heavens. It's gone.

- Gone? - I left it in there.

There must be thieves at this party.

If I'd known that,

I never would have come. Wait!

That professor!

- The Professor! I see!

That's the culprit. We've got to get

that picture away from him.

Might I suggest this?

Very satisfactory in these cases.

A few drops on a handkerchief

and the Professor is out.

You're sure it'll work?

- Absolutely. You want to try some?

No thanks, Hives.

Let's find the Professor.

How did the thieves get away?

And who was it?

Lucky that we switched it.

Imagine them getting the original.

Oh? It would have been okay

had they taken mine?

I didn't mean that.

But what would Mother do?

It's worth $100,000.

How could she have replaced it?

Oh, I understand.

Isn't it exciting? Just think,

the thief was in the room with us.

Isn't it romantic?

All the boys I've known

used to say I was made of stone.

I would always leave them alone

in despair.

I've been on the pan,

I've been called an electric fan,

told I'm even much colder than

Frigidaire.

I began to wonder

if I was all wrong.

I thought so

till you came along.

Tell me, dear,

why am I so romantic?

When you're near,

why am I so romantic?

What a grand feeling,

when your lips meet mine.

That certain something comes

stealing up and down my spine.

I don't know

what it is you've done to me.

You don't know

half of the good you do me.

Other boys bore me,

they just leave me blue.

Oh, why am I so romantic

with you?

Tell me, dear,

why am I so romantic?

When you're near,

why am I so romantic?

What a grand feeling,

when your lips touch mine.

That certain something comes

stealing up and down my spine.

When we touch,

close in your arms you hold me.

I forget all that my mother told me.

Other girls bore me,

they just leave me blue.

But why am I so romantic

with you?

Oh, Signor Ravelli!

I've been looking for you all morning.

I was busy all morning.

- You've got to return that painting.

Painting? What painting?

The painting

you changed last night.

You mean the piksh?

- Yes.

First you want it upstairs,

then downstairs. Make up your mind.

I do thank you. But you've got to

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